Red, blue, and white

In the last few days, my Facebook timeline has become quite confusing. One by one, my friends have filtered their profile photos to "stand with Paris." Hey, I get it - it's sad and tragic to see lives lost in such a senseless way.

Then a few friends took issue with those who had chosen to stand with Paris. What good does that do? Support = money, so send cash, not a temporary profile photo. Others said why Paris, but not other countries? Why do you value some lives more than others?

Well, I think the easy answer to the last one is that no profile photo filter was created for the other countries. But why Paris and not them? Paris is a US ally, and a peaceful country. As Americans I think we relate to their tragedy more than tragedy in other countries. Is that right? I have no idea, but there it is.

It's true that a red, blue, and white filter won't help those affected immediately. They need resources, too. Not everyone has resources to share -  but a kind thought or a little support is free, and easy to give. Who's to say it doesn't make the people in Paris feel just a little better knowing someone cares? It certainly can't hurt.

Besides, the filters aren't just about the victims. Something like this affects people in a lot of different ways. I think it just helps some people to feel part of something larger. That they said something, or shared something. It helps to know they did what they could.

I happen to believe that there is power in a whole group coming together with prayers and well-wishes. It helps us all heal, and feel more at peace. It brings light to help drive out the darkness.

We shouldn't assume that someone with a filter-less profile picture doesn't care, nor should we assume that a filtered photo means a person hasn't lent other support, or cares about one life over another.

Grief and loss are difficult enough, without tossing assumptions or accusations into the mix. How about we take some of that goodwill and apply it in real life, too?

I also have a couple of thoughts on refugees... but that'll have to be another time. Maybe.

Question about Facebook Messenger permissions

*raises hand*

Everyone is really upset about the permissions required for the Facebook Messenger app. All the articles I've read tell what those permissions are, and why I should be offended and opposed. But I haven't found one that talks about how (or if) they're any different from the permissions I already gave Facebook.

Example - I synched my Facebook contacts with my phone contacts. That means if my Facebook friend shares his/her phone number or email address, Facebook added it to my contact list. I can now use my SMS app, phone app, email apps tp contact my friend, all thanks to Facebook.

But, presumably the Facebook app needed permission to read my contacts and personal profile information to make that happen. It would also need to be able to find the various email and SMS apps, to help me make the contact.

The same is true if I want to use Facebook to take or share a photo or video. It has to be able to identify and interact with those apps in order to read and share the file.

As for changing "the state of network connectivity" - if I've told Facebook to keep me available, or to refresh every 30 minutes, doesn't it need to be able to connect?

I'm not suggesting that the permissions aren't excessive, or that people should use the app. I'm just saying that I think Facebook's reasons are more about making its app function properly, and less about using my phone to randomly call my contacts. I also wonder how different the permissions are from those I've given previously.

To be fair, I installed the app - and I hate it. It uses chat heads, and I find it creepy to have little thumbnail photos following me no matter where I go. But - I have friends who prefer it over texting... and sometimes, a person has to compromise.

Be the good

After last Friday, I stopped checking twitter too much. I started scrolling through facebook really, really fast - past photos of black ribbons, or angels, or of the kids being led from a school in CT. I've remained my usual trivial and sarcastic self. 

I haven't posted any articles, or shared any of the "prayer chains." I haven't "liked" any of the memorial pages. I haven't even mentioned the event on a post, or really discussed it with anyone. According to Facebook, that means I don't care; that I'm selfish and self-absorbed (and probably materialistic).

The thing is...I do care. I probably care way too much. Once you identify that you have depression, one of the things you have to do is learn the triggers. What makes you emotional? What spins you out of control?

The idea of someone just randomly walking into a school and ending innocent lives? Definitely not something I can handle.

When I heard the news, I cried at my desk and then said a small prayer. Then I went about my day. That is what I can handle. The rest is just too much. Surrounding myself with all that sadness and indescribable pain gives it way too much power over me. I'm the sort of person who absorbs all that grief and anger and makes it my own. If I let it, something like this can make me sad about everything.

So for anyone who thinks that people who are not posting about CT must not care - stop. I mean - sure, you might know people who just don't care. But more likely, you know people who simply can't handle the profound sadness or the weight of the whole thing.

We all show sorrow, respect, and honor in our own way. Some people post it all over facebook. Some write letters to newspapers, or sign a petition to make guns illegal. Others might go out and buy a gun.

Some of us just try to live every day bringing as many smiles to as many people as we can reach. Some of us feel that the best way to honor those victims (and anyone else) is to live a life full of positive change and action; to bring as much good into the world as possible.

It isn't helpful to simply complain that there's no good left in the world. You have to be willing to be that good, and then bring it into the world. Those silent friends you have? They may be doing that very thing.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

20 Most annoying Facebook friends

Yesterday, I posted a link to this story from Mashable on my Facebook page. Several people liked the post. But one asked the question,

Getty Images

If not for these posts, what would we use facebook for?

Fair enough. Posts about kids, marketing, political posts, song lyrics, and private conversations make up the majority of my facebook feed. Thing is, I don't think these things are necessarily all bad. I mean, no one wants to see four posts a day where you quote 15 lines of some poem that only you understand. But the occasional, funny one-liner from a song or movie? That's fine.

If you're proud of your job, or your child, or you feel strongly about a cause or a business or a political point of view - share. That's all a part of who you are...and your friends (presumably) are interested in you. They'll want to see these messages - it's just not all they want to see.

Mix it up. Don't sync your Twitter to your Facebook; the audience is different. Your Facebook community does not want to see every little mundane detail. They want to see the big stuff - interesting articles, the occasional funny picture or quote, vacation pictures.

But please, please skip the vaguebooking, the vanity shots, and the urban legends/chain letters. It makes you look foolish, desperate, and a little gullible.

And the shared profile? No. Just....no.

Sorta-wordless Wednesday

Not really wordless...but they're someone else's words, that I just find absolutely inspirational. Seems we could all use these reminders now and then.

A good friend pointed out that I accidentally scheduled my sorta-wordless post for Tuesday.

So, not only is it sorta-wordless - it's also Sorta-Wednesday! Bonus!

You're welcome.

Disconnected

I've heard people say that taking a break from social media is a good thing. That's it's nice to disconnect, not feel so obligated to so many sites, and people. To be able to just concentrate on the people and places right in front of you.

It sounds so...zen. Which, apparently, I am not.

RIP, Rosie.

My phone died. I love her. I got her last year, and named her Rosie, after the robot-housekeeper on the Jetsons. She's an HTC EVO Shift - and she's amazing. (Oddly enough, several months after getting - and naming - the phone, I found a factory-installed app called "Rosie Utility." Weird, right?)

After coming back from vacation, I started to notice Rosie wasn't holding a charge. I thought it was my charger. Then I thought it might be the battery. I replaced the battery - and promptly learned that wasn't the problem.

It took five trips to four different Sprint stores to figure out that the problem really was the charger port, that the phone needed to be replaced, and that I had purchased full protection, so that replacement would be at no cost to me.

But it also turns out that this particular phone is on back-order, so there's no guarantee the phone will be shipped right away. I have no way to charge my phone, and I was not successful in locating a standalone charger compatible with my battery. That left me two options - go without, or activate an old phone.

She's no Rosie - but she'll do.

I happened to be digging through a nightstand drawer that day, so I knew I had an old phone. When I say old - I mean old. It's a relic, from a simpler time. (OK - it's four years old; but in technology years, that's practically ancient.)

One more trip back to Sprint, and it was activated (SN: I attempted to do that myself online, but going back to a non-smart phone required a plan change, and I didn't want to nuts myself up for when Rosie II arrives.). I'm back up and running.

Sorta.

No apps. I can barely view a photo (the camera on this phone is 1.3MP). There's no browser to speak of, and if there was, the screen is too small anyway. This phone was built for text messaging - and nothing else, outside of actually making a phone call. I can't check facebook; I can't check in on foursquare. I can't record my calories on My Fitness Pal (though I suppose I could use the site; I'm just so used to the phone app). Twitter is near impossible, at least at work.

I'm in a forced social media cleanse - and not at all happy about it.

See, I don't really find social media to be taxing. I like feeling connected. I like being able to check my email, tweet a picture of my yummy dinner, comment on my friend's status, find a movie and buy a ticket, and get directions to a theater all from the palm of my hand. I don't consider that an intrusion.

But I also don't let it rule my life. If I'm having fun with a group of people (or just one special person) - I have no problem putting the phone down and ignoring the notification light. If I need some time to myself, I can totally focus on a movie, or a project, or a baseball game - and not think about my email or facebook, at all.

I don't mind being disconnected. I just don't like when it's not my decision.

Truth on the internet

"There is no room on the internet for the truth." Big Bang Theory

OHmyfreakinggod - I love this show. It's quotable, funny and clever - all rolled up into a perfectly wrapped, 30 minute package. I only just discovered it, and am happy that TBS recently added reruns to their schedule. I enjoy reruns - especially since I don't really stick to a steady, nightly TV schedule of any sort. 

So I'm working on a post about my Myers-Briggs personality type. It's taking a long time, and I'm very busy, and still a little sick...erm....so it's not done. I trolled facebook quickly for some material, and found this picture posted by a friend, which I though went nicely with the quote, which was posted by me.  

In case you're wondering where I found it - it was on Daniel Nester's facebook page. I have no idea where he got it. But he's very cool - you should totally check out his web site, and tell him I sent you.

I wonder if Nester watches Big Bang Theory? 

I'm off track

I promised myself I'd get healthier.

Then there was a bought of depression....and a slight dip in my health.... and then I had some trouble finding (and then maintaining) motivation....and then a friend let me down big time.

Of course, life is also always there to hand you a bit of bad news when you need it most. So this week is not a good week for me to try and get back on track. I'll just be lucky if I don't completely derail.

But over the weekend, I was with some friends and a couple pictures of me were taken, and then posted on facebook. I won't remove the tags, or complain - but let me just say, I am not happy with what I saw (with regard to me; the photographers were fine, and the others in the photos were simply beautiful).

So, I know I need to get back on track. And I will get back on track.

In the meantime - you should head over to my friend Cute~Ella's new Weight Wars blog on tumblr. She's beautiful and fabulous - and posted something the other day that was a huge help in keeping me from completing derailing this week.

Follow Friday Fun: Say it like you eat it

It's been a while. But this is a really good one.

I recently found the blog Say It Like You Eat It through a guest post and mini-profile at On The Edge. I've since met the blogger - Paige D'Anna - in person. She's fabulous - even if she doesn't like squirrels all that much.

If you read her About Me page, you'll see Paige has guts, too. Guts enough to start her dream - this blog - and make it work.

Why does it work? I think it's because she posts a little about everything - from depression to haircuts, from food to - well, more food. It is called Say It Like You Eat It, after all.

By the way - Paige also explains where that comes from.

The site name … Say It Like You Eat It … it came from the book Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth (Gilbert) was in Italy, learning to speak the romantic language of Italian, and she was having trouble learning. Her tutor encouraged her by saying, “Parla come magni” … “speak the way you eat,” or the way she translated it “say it like you eat it.” WOW! How beautiful!!! It just ROLLS off your tongue, “Parla come magni.” I loved it...

Now that you've (hopefully) visited Say It Like You Eat It - you're also going to want to connect with Paige. She's great fun, she will laugh with you on facebook, and share Bachelorette moments with you on twitter.

When you find her, ask her about her plastic wine glasses.

Thursday Thirteen - Favorite baseball games

I seem to be having a baseball-themed week, so I figured I'd stick with that for the Thursday thirteen. I asked my twitter and facebook friends to name their favorite baseball games - ever. In no particular order:

May 17, 1998 - Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees - David Wells pitched a perfect game that day.

July 18, 1999 - Montreal Expos at New York Yankees - David Cone pitched a perfect game this time.

No beautiful faces were harmed
in the making of this play.

July 1, 2004 - Boston Red Sox at New York Yankees - Derek Jeter makes his famous leap into the stands.

October 17, 1999 - Atlanta Braves at New York Mets - Game 5 of the National League Championship Series (Mets won).

June 30, 2000 - Atlanta Braves at New York Mets - Mets won.

June 16, 1997 - New York Mets at New York Yankees - Mets won.

October 6, 2010 - Cincinnati Reds at Philadelphia Phillies - Game 1 of the National League Divisional Series, Roy Halladay pitches a no-hitter!

July 13, 1993 - All-Star Game, John Kruk vs. Randy Johnson - I had to google this - hysterical. You can see it here.

May 17, 2000 - Los Angeles Dodgers at Chicago Cubs - Fan stole a player's cap, and a brawl ensued.

September 16, 1978 - New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox - One-game playoff, necessary when the teams finished the regular season tied for first. It's the famous Bucky Dent game.

October 1, 2007 - San Diego Padres at Colorado Rockies - One-game playoff to determine first place on the season.

October 6, 2009 - Detroit Tigers at Minnesota Twins - One-game playoff to determine first place on the season.

September 21, 2001 - Atlanta Braves at New York Mets - This was the first game played after the September 11, 2001 attacks. It was played in New York, and the Mets won, thanks to a two-run home run by Mike Piazza (SN: my favorite Met ever). Baseball helped bring a city, and a nation, back to life. 

Everyone had a different reason for remembering the game they mentioned. Some appreciate the intensity and finality of a one-game playoff, others recalled a fond memory, some simply loved the game because they saw it live. Others remember their team winning - whether it was a trophy, or just bragging rights. Some because it was funny, or silly, or just plain stupid.

We may be fans for different reasons, but baseball fans know what true love and memories are.

Special thanks to Angelos, Sassy, Meagan, Lee, Kelly and Patrick for helping me out.

My pedestal

I used to have one of those quizzes on my facebook profile for people to test how well they knew me. One question that no one ever got right was:

What celebrity would Sue most like to meet?

• a) Derek Jeter
• b) Rosie O'Donnell
• c) George Bush
• d) No One
• e) Oprah

It was a trick question. Honestly, there's only one person on earth who even stood a chance, and that was X. He's the only person with whom I ever had this conversation - until now. Don't you feel special?

I actually admire everyone on the list (except for George Bush, though I do think he handled the whole 9/11 thing pretty well). Of course, we all know of my love for Jeter....

....But that's the problem. We tend to put celebrities on such high pedestals, that there's no way any mere mortal could live up to our expectations. And celebrities really are just mere mortals - with bigger bank accounts.

So, the truth is - if I admire someone, I would really never want to meet him. Because there is no way that Jeter, for example, is as perfect in real life as he is in my mind. And I love the guy who is my mind - so why not just leave him there? It hurts no one, and the truth is - even if I met him, what's going to happen? We're going to say "hi," maybe I get an autograph - and then what? Nothing.

So for nothing, I risk all my happy? All my hope that there is one guy on earth who wouldn't let me down the moment I give him a chance? That's not worth it to me.

I'd rather just go on believing that one guy exists.

Follow Friday Fun - Sex, Lies & Dating in the City

I love me some dating blogs. Mostly because they are often funny, sassy and smart. Also because it's comforting to know I'm not the only one in these predicaments. I don't write in too much detail about my dating life here - I save that for other places. Since I do write my tales of woe, I also regularly scour the blogosphere to see what my fellow bloggers are putting up with going through.

I came across the blog Sex, Lies & Dating in the City a few months back, while I was searching for "the best dating blogs." Seriously - that was my google search - and I read dozens of blogs that popped up as a result. This one definitely deserves that title.

The author's name is Simone Grant. Well - that's her pen name. As she explains in her "About Me" section, she started her blog as an outlet for her creativity, gave it a name, and then gave herself a name to go along with it - all for the sake of branding. Makes a ton of sense. She's also a Social Media Consultant, which you can learn more about here.

Successful, single-and-dating and a social media consultant? This woman is my hero.

She'll also tell you that she doesn't like the label "dating blogger." That the whole point of her blog was really to find/build an audience, and dating just happened to be a topic about which friends had suggested she write.

Whether her topic is dating in general, or online dating, sex, or self-esteem, Simone tells it with smarts and sass, and is definitely worth reading. Even if you're not single, or not dating, we can all relate to batshit crazy, can't we?

If check out the blog and like what you see, find Simone on twitter, facebook and tumblr - and let her know!

Follow Friday Fun - ShoeTease

We all know I like shoes. A lot. Okay - a whole lot.

Through the magic of twitter, I stumbled upon a blog called ShoeTease. On the about page, the author describes herself as a designer and illustrator, having escaped the corporate world to become a freelance design consultant. Doesn't that sound like a fun job?! She also says that while she believes in being open-minded about fashion and style, Uggs and leggings worn as pants cross her line of tolerance.

In my book, that alone is reason enough to follow her.

But if that's not enough for you, let me tell you what ShoeTease does. The blog is about...well, shoes. But not just a designer, wear this-with-that point of view (though I like those). She posts pictures of some of the most outrageous, enjoyable shoes I've seen.

Of course, if you like to see what-to-wear - you'll find that at ShoeTease as well. Just look here and here to get an idea.

Would I wear all of them? No. Would I be able to walk in all of them? Er....not even close. But I enjoy looking at them. Plus, there are giveaways - I love me some blog giveaways.

You can check ShoeTease out here, like it on facebook and follow on twitter. And remember....

"Shoe love is true love!"

Follow Friday Fun: Ambiance Florals

Disclaimer: If you don't like shameless plugs, you should stop reading.

A few months back I was completely depressed and could barely get out of bed. I needed my family and friends to rally around me a little and give me some support. At the same time (literally the same weekend) my cousin became the sole owner of her business and was in dire need of her family and friends to rally around her and help support her business.

It's funny how life works out sometimes.

I know a little bit about flowers; how to grow them and even how to arrange them. I know very little about design. But I do know something about marketing and sales. I know a touch about social media - certainly more than my cousin.

The thing was - she needed to find ways to grow her business, without spending a lot of money. She also needed help changing up her website. In no way, shape or form an expert, I said, "sure, I can help," and - BAM! I had a new part time job.

As the new Social Media Coordinator for Ambiance Florals & Events, I started a twitter page, recently started a facebook page - and am now authoring the blog on their newly redesigned website (thanks to tonyk).

The blog is just starting out - you'll read about events, promotions, weddings and see photos of classes, designs and whatever else might come up. It should be fun - join us, won't you?

SN: If you don't like shameless plugs, you might be confused about what a blog actually is. But anyway....

Fairy tales come true?

"Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale of all." Hans Christian Anderson

I posted this on facebook the other day, simply because I like the quote. A friend commented, "Yeah, and I'm the princess trapped in the tower waiting for her prince to rescue her, but he's too stupid to figure out how."

Her comment got me thinking about how fairy tales really have given us a skewed view of happily ever after. I mean, even stories that center around a strong female still teach us that she needs to find her prince before she can find true happiness.

Come on, already.

Why are little girls taught that, no matter what, they won't be truly happy until they find a guy? It's like that scene in Sex and the City (The Movie) where Carrie is reading Cinderella to Charlotte's daughter Lily, and she says, "You know this is just a fantasy, right? I just think you should know it doesn't always turn out this way." Lily asks Carrie to read the story again, and Carrie says, "And another one bites the dust."

Please understand, I'm all for happily ever after - and I think it's a beautiful thing when two people find each other and fall in love. I just don't think little girls should be taught that finding a prince equals happiness. I also don't think a little girl should feel she has to wait for a prince to find her, or that she has to be worthy of the prince.

I told my friend that I thought we could write her a better fairy tale. One where she escapes from the tower herself, finds her prince, and then makes him pass a series of tests to prove that he's worthy of her.

So where's that fairy tale? I'm lookin' at you, Disney.

Grey Goose is my favorite

I'm not really a fan of those silly facebook status games. You know, the ones that involve posting mysterious status lines about the color of your bra or where you keep your purse? I like the premise (to raise awareness for a charity) but I think it's a mis-guided use of facebook.

Still the most recent game did give me a reason to smile. It was a game for only women. We were to post a one word status, representing our current relationship situation.

Tequila: I'm a single woman
Rum: I'm a touch and go woman

Champagne: I'm an engaged woman
Redbull: I'm a woman in a relationship
Beer: I'm a married woman

Vodka: I'm the "other one"
Sprite: I'm a woman that can't find the right man

Whiskey: I'm a single woman but with friends that won't stop partying

Liquor: I'm a woman that wishes she was single

Gin: I'm a woman that wants to get married

The idea, of course, was to make the guys guess what we're talking about. At this point, I think most...well, everyone on earth...has figured out that the status never means what it seems. The guys all know it's a joke, and the ladies all wait to see the rules before they post.

All, that is, except my friend Chrissy.

About an hour after I got the message telling me what the lines meant (which, by the way, came from her sister), Chrissy updated her status to read: Grey Goose.

Now, I don't drink. So, I wasn't 100% sure...but I thought Grey Goose was a brand name for vodka. So I emailed Chrissy at work. This was what that email exchange looked like:

Me: What is Grey Goose? It wasn't on the list I got from (your sister)?


Chrissy: Huh?


Me: Your fb status? It says Grey Goose?


Chrissy: I didn't see a list. I just named my favorite drink. Grey Goose is vodka.


Me: You just randomly posted the words Grey Goose as your status? (then I sent her the list)


Chrissy: Oh, look! I didn't even see the list...but I picked the right one!


Me: Vodka means you're the "other woman." It means you're dating someone who is married or in a relationship.


Chrissy: I don't care what people think. Grey Goose is my favorite. (this was via email, but I guarantee she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as she typed this)


Me: If only you could see the look on my face right now.

That's sort of how things work in Chrissy's world. She makes the rules up as she goes along; she changes rules that don't fit with what she's doing. Even she'll tell you it's a fool-proof plan. She always wins - either because she's actually right - or her opponent just gives up the fight.


Which is exactly what happened; I gave up the fight. No word yet on what Chrissy's mom thought when she saw the status her daughter posted.  

Minion in Charge - An Homage to F*** Around Friday

If you look to the right, you'll see a pretty extensive blog roll. That's because I read blogs when I should be working. When the blog roll first started, though, there were only a couple of links. One that's been there from the beginning is The Super Blogettes.

I found the Super Blogettes purely by accident - in fact, it may have been Ava Apollo who found me - on twitter, natch. It was my early days of twitter, and I was so excited to find a new follower. So I clicked her page, and - BAM! - I found the Super Blogettes.

Of course I followed back. And when her fellow Blogettes Sage Stella and Super Bella Blue joined twitter and Ava asked for followers, I was right there. Why? Cause these ladies freakin' rock.

Some have said to me that their blog is a little off color. (I've gotten this reaction when I share their posts on facebook.) But still - several of my friends read the Blogettes. I've even gotten a couple to follow Stella's more serious side on facebook.

So why do I like the blog? Because it's real. No I don't think Ava and company are all shadowy figures with billowing breasts and whips and chains and...wait. Um, well I'm sure they're not just shadows.

They talk about real issues - dating, sex, social media, sex, family, work, sex, friends - and sex. They do it with humor, and smarts - and they say loud and proud what most of us are only willing to whisper. I respect that. I admire that. I learned it from them - and I appreciate that.

I'd be saying this even if it weren't for the minion contest - but I still think I should win. I was a minion before they had minions!!

I'm like the Minion-in-Charge.

Small After All

Every time I think of how facebook has made my world smaller, I think of the song "It's a Small World, After All" which brings me back to the ride at Disney World. What a nightmare! Trapped in the dark, in a boat, listening to that song over...and over...and over... you get the idea. I almost got out of the boat and walked to the end, just to escape. 

Okay, so that's not really the point here, but that would make a funny story, dontcha think? 

I heard somewhere that all the people we know in our life are people that we've known in past lives. That we keep moving in the same circle of family and friends. In different lives, people take on different roles, but we're always connected to the same people, and we recognize them by their souls. 

So, I'm on facebook the other night, and I notice a friend's status. Something drew my eye to a comment, in which one of her friends said she'd run into a guy who they both knew, and she mentioned him by first and last name. I recognized the name - it belongs to an a guy I dated in college. I'd had the biggest crush on him in high school. He was a total bad-boy, can't-bring-him-home kind of guy. Ah - stupid choices we make as teenagers. 

So, I messaged my friend to ask if it was the same guy. She responded and said yes, she'd gone to high school with him. While I was contemplating how small the world really is, I remembered him introducing me to a girl who he'd dated in high school, and with whom he'd remained friends. She and I talked several times back then, because we all worked in the mall, and all knew each other. I remembered she had the prettiest name, and the most beautiful red hair.

Wait a minute.....

Yup. The same girl. So this woman, who is in my friends list; who I met by chance through a friend of a friend;  and with whom I've been to the movies and hung out and chatted on facebook over the last year, is the very same girl who I became friends with at the mall all those years ago.

Small, after all, no? 

Friend or Foe?

So, I talked yesterday about cheapening the meaning of friendship through facebook. How I pretty much add anyone (although, I do have to say, I still prefer to add those with whom I have some relationship, even if it is all electronic.). So, here's the dilemma in reverse:

Once you've added someone, when do you unfriend them (if ever)?

I've unfriended when I never had a real life relationship. Friends of friends, people I met only briefly, etc. Never being real-life friends, I'm sure it didn't matter when we were no longer facebook friends.

But what about real-life friends, who are suddenly not friends anymore? I have two in my facebook list right now that sort of meet this definition. One is a woman with whom I was really good friends a few years ago. We spoke everyday, we exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts, and I attended her wedding. Then, we had a falling out and we haven't spoken in over a year. She was the one who was upset; so should she be the one to unfriend?

The other is a guy who I used to date, and after we dated, we remained good friends. We hung out, he introduced me to new friends who we still have in common, and we used to talk every day. Then he found a girlfriend fiancée. I haven't heard from him - not even a response to my congratulatory email. I know his fiancée doesn't approve of all his female friends. I'm not necessarily angry - just disappointed and missing my friend. Again, the rift is on his end, not mine - so should he do the unfriending?

A few weeks back I heard Peter Shankman talk about social media. One thing he said that stuck with me is that social media is just life - and your network is the people who are a part of your world. Some people are more relevant in your life than others - and their relevance can change, and then easily change back again.

I tend to agree with him. With this in mind, it seems like no one should unfriend anyone. I mean - just because we aren't relevant in each other's lives right now doesn't mean we weren't once, and might not be again someday.

Thoughts? 

Friends of Mine

Did you hear/read/see how Jimmy Kimmel called for a national Unfriend Day recently? A day set aside to "clean house" as my friend calls it, and get rid of anyone in your facebook friend list who is not actually your friend.

Everyone uses facebook differently. Some people use a facebook page to promote a personal business. Some people use it as their primary social network, and add anyone with whom they're connected - even a little. Other people treat facebook like their home - something to be protected, and kept private. Or, as private as a website can be, anyway.

The landscape of my facebook page has changed drastically in the last year. The first big change was some real education on facebook privacy settings and how facebook uses our information. That prompted an overhaul to the information I share, including customized privacy settings, and  deleting applications. While I fully support your right to tend a garden, run a mafia or feed fish on facebook, I won't be joining you.

The second major change was my friends list. I've made some new friends online (twitter and blogs). At first, I thought my twitter/blog life should be separate from my facebook life. But after a while, that seemed silly - and complicated. Really, what's the difference between someone whom I've never met in person, but with whom I talk everyday - and someone from grade-school who I've certainly met in person, but haven't spoken to in fifteen years? 

Does it cheapen the meaning of friendship when we broaden our definition? I don't believe so. I'm opening myself up to friendships I might not have otherwise found. I can connect with people by commenting on their status or post, sharing their blog, or posting on their wall. That connection is friendship - and it can happen with someone I've known for thirty minutes as easily as thirty years.

That's friendship. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Thanks to facebook, and social media - it's just easier to find.

What about you? Has facebook changed the way you look at friendship?