Make some mistakes

I think the problem with resolutions is that we set our sights on the big picture, which is often overwhelming and takes a long time to achieve.

 

For the last few years, I've chosen a big-picture goal, and then gone about it by setting small tasks for myself to accomplish throughout the year. By giving myself manageable items to check off a list, I set myself up for success, and am more likely to actually achieve my big-picture result.

 

I'd like 2015 to be a year of big change. I plan to accomplish that by completing a few smaller goals:  

• Get a promotion (already applied)
• Earn a new designation (or at least start one - some take more than a year)
• Travel to someplace I haven't been
• Learn to make something in my crock pot
• Add to my "Rememberlutions Jar" each day
• Self-publish a book (or at least get it started)
• Less searching and worrying (this will have to be a day to day thing)
• More faith that things will work out on their own (more day to day)
• Napping - because napping is important
• Make a few mistakes (this should be easy, particularly with the crock pot goal - and the less worrying)

Why mistakes? Change requires that I do things I've never done, which means I'm bound to mess things up. In order to change, I can't be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, I make them a goal - which practically forces me to try new things. See what I did there?

 

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something." Neil Gaiman

 

Cheers to 365 days of mistakes - make 'em count!

Mission accomplished

The past couple of months have been a whirlwind of change for me.

At the end of March I accepted a position with a new company, ending a nearly-14 year career. I still work in insurance, but on the other side of the wall.

That change was a big deal. I had to give up the perks that came with seniority and job security. I have to learn a lot, being back on the receiving end of training after so many years of being the "expert."

I couldn't be happier.

I've known for a long time I wanted the change - but finding an opportunity that made sense wasn't easy. Where I've landed seems to be a good fit. Still - it's tough to leave a job where you didn't have to think, and take on something new where every click requires a thought.

About a month after the first day on my new job, I moved into an apartment. A week later - I closed on my house. No big deal, right? I've talked about selling for years, and I knew I wanted to leave home ownership life.

But I'd lived in that house for eleven years. I only lived in my childhood home (which was an apartment) for thirteen years - so this house was my home. It held all of my memories (good and bad) and packing that up (or in most cases, throwing it away) was tough. Few things in life are more emotional than seeing your entire adult life bagged up and left to wait for garbage day.

But it was time. For years I have promised myself that I would not turn 40 with the same job or home address.

I turn 40 in 48 days.

Mission accomplished.

Moment of clarity

I was born in 1974...which means later this year, I celebrate the 11th anniversary of my 29th birthday.

I have never been OK with getting older. Well - not since I turned 18, anyway. I wanted to vote, so that birthday was pretty cool. I don't drink, and never have, so turning 21 wasn't especially exciting, except that maybe it made me eligible for more giveaways. Pretty much since 1995, I've been OK not discussing the number of candles on my cake.

My issue hasn't been related to health or signs of aging. My issue has always been that my life is never where I expected it would be when I reached a certain age. So, confronting the age meant confronting my (perceived) failures.

Turning 35 was the worst. It was the first birthday I celebrated after my marriage ended. I was single, struggling, in a job I didn't really enjoy, and just plain unhappy. Eventually, I came to embrace those "failures" and even used them as a jumping off point for this blog. I learned that while it may not be the life I ordered, it's the one I'm meant to have. 

I've been dreading turning 40 for as long as I can remember. It just sounds so....final. The thing is, I have learned from my friends who crossed that threshold before me that 40 isn't nearly the end of anything. In fact, for many, it's actually the beginning...of a happy, fulfilling, joyful life. 

I have been quite stressed out lately, at the prospect of selling my home. Not because I don't want to sell

(because I do), but at the prospect of dealing with all of that change. I've lived in this home for 10+ years. Selling means giving up a part of who I am. It also means starting over, which is not something I ever thought I'd be doing at 40.

Add to this a little stress about my job potentially moving. Not far - but far enough to make me (momentarily) reconsider where I'd look for my new home. It was causing a lot of worry and grief and a few, "It's just not fair!" moments.

Why am I the one who has to change? Why does it have to be difficult for me? 

Then, out of nowhere, I had a true moment of clarity. It occurred to me that I have been unhappy about a few things in my life for a little too long. Apparently, this is the year those things are going to change. Sometimes life does that - shakes things up just enough to trigger a much-needed change.

That's scary. But in that moment when I decided to just accept that things are going to change, I also realized - it's exciting as hell.

I suspect that 2014 will not be an easy year for me. 

But I suspect it will all be absolutely worth it.