NaBloPoMo - Blogging everyday

How does it feel to blog everyday?

I couldn't actually tell you. I don't have time to blog everyday. A lot of posts (even some for this project) are scheduled ahead of time, so I can write when I'm free to do so.

I'm also not crazy about writing prompts. Some questions, I really like. Some get me thinking, and writing, about things I wouldn't have come up with on my own. But some questions are just downright silly, and really not anything to which I can relate.

But, whatever - when I commit to a project like this, the big thing (in my mind) is to finish what I start. So I did.

Now I think I'll take December off.

NaBloPoMo - New blogs

I'm always looking for new blogs to read. Reading blogs helps keep me sane during the workday, and entertained while I'm in waiting rooms or on trains.

Three new blogs I've found in the past year that I would recommend are:

Just Life: Take Two
Kateri von Steal comments here and on another blog I author. Her blog is fun to read, and fun to look at.

Courtney Sanik and then some
She's a friend of mine, who also writes elsewhere. I have long-enjoyed her "other" project, but this year really started paying attention to this blog, as well. She's wonderful and sparkly.

BlogHer
I'd heard of this site before, but never paid it much attention until I started doing this NaBloPoMo writing project.

NaBloPoMo - Worst trip

I have not traveled a lot. Well, at least not out of the country. I only left the US for the first time this past summer, when I went to Montreal (which is really, really close to where I live, anyway).

I have been to fourteen of the fifty states, plus Washington DC. Well, actually, two of those thirteen states were only drive-bys - I drove through on my way to another destination. I've also traveled to every corner of my own state (New York).

I'm supposed to talk about the worst trip I've ever taken. The truth is, doing that might hurt someone's feelings. Even more importantly, as bad as my worst trip ever was - there's always something good in every trip.

Traveling is supposed to be about finding new places, having new adventures, and learning new things about yourself. Even if a trip is awful, you probably learned something new you don't like (or may have even found one good thing that you do like).

I don't think anything can be all bad, if it gives you the chance to learn and grow and explore. Besides, it's all about making memories. Without the bad memories, how would we know to appreciate the good?

NaBloPoMo - More other languages

Today's writing prompt:

If you could instantly know any language in the world, which one would it be?

Spanish - so that I didn't feel like I wasted all that time we talked about yesterday.

NaBloPoMo - Other languages

Today's question...

Do you speak more than one language? How did you learn the additional languages?

I used to speak pretty good Spanish. I learned in school. I took high school level Spanish in 8th grade. Turned out, to get a New York State Regents High School Diploma at that time, if I took five years of a language, I only needed to take two years of science.

So I took Spanish all through high school, too. I was pretty good, so in college I registered for a course in Spanish Literature. That was where I learned I wasn't as good at Spanish as I thought.

I don't really speak it anymore.

NaBloPoMo - Hardest thing to say

I'm usually not at a loss for words. Occasionally, I'll be caught off-guard. Like, if someone makes an especially nasty comment to my face, I might not have a snappy comeback right away, because I'm so shocked at the nastiness. Of course, I can usually come up with one later - a friend used to call that "delayed intelligence."

Mostly, though, I say whatever is on my mind - but with enough of an edit-chip so as not to be that nasty person. Mostly.

But even the most out-spoken and upfront person can have trouble saying some things. For me, the word that is toughest to say is, "No."

Even this isn't absolute, though. For example, I'm pretty good at telling my family no - no, I'm not available for dinner that night; no I don't want to come to that party; no, I won't be contributing to that gift. I am nice about it, but firm, and they understand. I was nervous the first time I said "no," but it got much easier after I realized they would still love me.

I'm also pretty good at saying no at work - no, I can't work late; no, I definitely can't come in early; no, I'm not going to do your job for you. At work, they need me more than I need them - and everyone knows this. Saying no is not as big a challenge as it once was.

I don't want it to sound like all I say is no. I actually say yes quite often, because I truly don't mind helping out, or putting in extra effort, or going out of my way for those I care about. I'm just saying in these cases, I could say no if I wanted.

So when can't I say no? Relationships.

I'm not saying I just roll over and let others treat me like a doormat. I certainly don't say yes to every invitation, or requests for money or favors. But I say yes more often than I might like, because I'm all about putting the feelings and needs of others before my own.

Truth be told, I don't think saying no is as difficult for me as it is to simply stick up for myself. So, I might not exactly say "no" to someone - but I don't always stick up for myself, or tell people my feelings are hurt, or just flat-out get up and walk away when I should.

It's something I am working on - a good balance of sticking up for myself, and still being a kind-hearted, compassionate, considerate friend. I wouldn't ever want to say no and compromise who I truly want to be.

NaBloPoMo - Tears of sadness

I cry a lot. Mostly happy tears; occasionally sad. Sometimes, I start out as sad, and then while I'm working through it, something positive happens, and I cry happy tears.

I'm a very emotional person.

I think the last time I cried, they were sad tears. Sad because I was judged by someone who I respect. The words, while intended as good advice, were harsh and stung of criticism.

A smart person once told me that "unsolicited advice is crticism." That's very true. When you offer someone advice that they didn't request, what you're basically saying is that you identified a need for them to improve. You found something they did wrong, and you're trying to correct them.

That's criticism. Even if you don't intend it that way, that is how it will be received.

I try very, very hard not to offer advice unless I'm asked. You can bet that I always have an opinion. If we've talked about it, I have definitely thought about it, processed it, and come up with what I think is the right answer.

Will I share that answer?

Not unless I'm asked.

Why? Because when I give advice, it comes from a place of genuine concern. I know I'm not better than anyone else. Even if I'm in a better place at the time - I was once right where that person is, and probably will be again. I am in no position to criticize.

But I might have good advice. I might be able to help. If I'm going to offer, that's how I want it be received.

I certainly don't want to make anyone cry.

NaBloPoMo - Where do I read?

The question for today

Where is your favorite place to read?

In bed; on my sofa; outside on lunch; at my desk when I need a sanity break.

Basically, it isn't where - it's when.

NaBloPoMo - Favorite book

I read a lot. When I was married, we had an entire room devoted to books. In fact, we had to design the shelves ourselves, to make sure we had enough room.

Now, storage is at more of a premium for me, and I keep my books in my Nook, for the most part. I read books by James Patterson and Janet Evanovich (whose newest Stephanie Plum novel comes out today!).

But my favorite book of all time? To Kill a Mockingbird.

If you're not familiar with the story - you've apparently been living under a rock for your whole life. I can help. You're welcome.

The book is narrated by Scout, a young girl whose given name is Jean Louise Finch. She tells us the story of how she and her older brother, Jem, came to meet up with a mysterious neighbor, about whom the whole town had made assumptions. He turns out to be none of the things they thought.

The backdrop for the story is Scout's father, Atticus, defending a client in criminal court. Atticus is a white lawyer, defending a black man, accused of raping a white woman. In the south, in 1931.

There's a ton of lessons in the book. I'm no English professor, and I won't even bother trying to pretend like I understand all the symbolism or literary techniques used by the author, Harper Lee.

What I learned from To Kill a Mockingbird:

• There is no room in my life for prejudice of any kind.
• Words are powerful and should be chosen carefully.
• "People are people, no matter where you put them." - Harper Lee in a 1961 interview.
• "It's a sin to kill a mockingbird...mockingbirds don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us." - From Chapter 10. Evil destroys innocence, but it is should still be preserved. We all have a "moral imperative to protect the vulnerable." Help when you can, give what you have.

I've learned a lot of lessons in my life. I can't think of one more important than knowing we're all here to help someone.

NaBloPoMo - Locked in?

I dislike the question

If you had to be locked in some place (amusement park, book store, etc) overnight alone, where would you choose?

I wouldn't - because that's creepy. Don't you people watch horror movies?

NaBloPoMo - Dream house

The question for today is

Would you buy your dream house if the price was right, but you also were told it was inhabited by ghosts?

This question makes no sense for me, because "not haunted" is one of my top ten criteria for dream house. Right along with (in no particular order):

• Not near a cemetery



No. Freaking. Way.

• Not built on an ancient Indian burial ground
• Not infested with snakes
• Not lacking central air
• Not having well water
• Not without an available cable connection
• Not split level
• Not too far away to shops and businesses
• Not on too much land to shovel/rake

So, no, regardless of price, I would not buy a house that was haunted - because it's not my dream house.

It's more like a nightmare.

NaBloPoMo - Favorite pet

Real pet owners are like parents - we don't choose favorites.

Source

When I'm asked if I have any pets, I usually say that, yes, I have three - two cats who live with me, and a dog who lives in heaven.

Remy was always happy to see me, and I don't think I ever came into our home when he didn't greet me. He loved me even when I let water boil over on the stove, or didn't make the bed, or grabbed clothes out of the hamper because I didn't feel like putting laundry away.

He curled up next to me when I was sick, or scared, or sad. He kept me warm in the winter - and was the best excuse I ever had for turning on the AC in the summer.

Remy wasn't like other dogs. He didn't like to go for walks. He never wanted to run outside, or dig in the yard. Mostly, he wanted to hang out on the sofa and watch movies or sports on TV. He let the cats play and jump and even lick him and lay on him. He ate when he was supposed to, never complained, and only had a handful of accidents in his 14+ years.

He had his own personality. He knew when he was in trouble. He knew that even though X was immune to the puppy-dog eyes - I was not. He would get upset when our schedules changed, and we would come home later, or be gone more - and he wasn't afraid to show his displeasure.

Remy's love was unconditional. He didn't see flaws or mistakes or excuses. He saw the good in everyone who passed through our door. I've never had a more devoted, happy, laid-back, or well-adjusted friend. I miss him every day.

Remy taught me what kind of person I want to be. I'm grateful he always thought I already was that person.

NaBloPoMo - Cooking

Today's writing prompt is

Tell us about the best meal you've ever cooked.

This question is clearly not meant for me - since I don't cook. Notice I didn't say I "can't" cook - because I'm sure I could if I was so inclined.

I'm just not. I can cook enough to get by, and have made a few somewhat successful holiday meals.

But I don't honestly think I've ever made a "good" meal.

I'm OK with that, too. When I got married, I had the foresight to choose a husband who could cook. After he moved out, I was smart enough to move in a housemate who can also cook. I have friends and family who can cook, and because I'm single and (they think) helpless, they're constantly giving me free food.

I don't think they realize that grocery stores and restaurants are happy to prepare meals for me in exchange for money - but that's fine. I'll gladly accept free food.

The less money I spend on groceries, the more I have left for important stuff.

NaBloPoMo - Bravest thing

Today's writing prompt:

What is the bravest thing you've ever done?

I really have no idea. Getting married? Getting divorced? Buying my house the first time - or the second, on my own? Going to college, then looking for a job? Dating? Or choosing to be single when everyone around me expects me to be dating? Changing careers? Or maybe it was asking my huge crush to the Homecoming dance senior year (he said no)?

Life is full of moments that test our courage. As you go through life, you realize that the things you once thought were difficult, were really not that bad. Remember as a teenager when everything was the end of the world? Then you got to your twenties, and the stuff you dealt with as a teen looked like a walk in the park. By the time you hit your thirties, you start to realize that the stuff you thought was so brave and wonderful in your twenties was really just a dry run for when life starts to get real.

Everyone is tested in different ways. Some of us are tested with how much family stress we can handle. Some of us battle health issues. Some have financial problems. Others have relationship issues. Some get it all (or at least, think they do). No one set of problems is greater than another. If someone seems to never have problems, remember - we all get what we can handle.

For some of us, the ultimate struggle comes when we're very young; others don't struggle with anything until we're much older. Usually, we think we know exactly what our greatest challenge could be, and we've got a plan in place to handle. Then, without warning, life pivots, and throws us something we never thought we'd have to catch.

When that happens, we have two choices. Fold under the pressure, and give up. Or make a decision that no matter what, we will survive.

So the bravest thing I've ever done is probably the bravest thing that every one of us has ever done:

I hit rock bottom.

Then I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and kept moving forward.

NaBloPoMo - Favorite place to blog

I occasionally blog at work. I find it relaxing to step outside the craziness on my desk and take some time to focus on writing.

When I'm home, I'll blog anywhere. The sofa, my bed, the deck. The one thing I don't like is a lot of noise distracting me. Mostly my home is quiet, and I can go anywhere and find enough peace to crank out a little inspiration.

When I hit a blogging wall, I usually turn on the TV, or get out of the house to distract myself. Going to the gym, or a walk, or just a drive will clear my head enough and get me back on track.

Of course, then I'm not near my netbook. That's when I start sending emails to myself on my phone with blog ideas.

NaBloPoMo - Life changes

I feel like I've been in a constant state of change for the last four years. Divorce isn't easy; neither is transitioning to a new job after more than nine years because of a buy-out. Buying a house and a new car on your own are also pretty stressful.

And that was just the first eight months.

It's taken me this long, but I've recently been feeling like I'm finally turning a corner.

About a week ago, I had my tarot cards read. The cards showed that every aspect of my life is in a season of change and growth. They showed a recent loss that forced my hand, and triggered a lot of very positive choices and opportunities.

The cards also showed that a lot of this change is out of my control, and does not look the way I was expecting. They correctly predicted that this is intimidating to me. But - they also showed that if I keep myself open to the changes, there's a lot of good opportunities in every aspect of my future.

That's all good news. I suppose if I had to pick one area of my life that I'd really like to change, it would be relationships. I honestly hate to admit that here, but if I feel like I'd be lying if I said anything else, and I'd hate lying even more.

I'm not talking about a superficial change, like I'd really like a date for New Year's Eve (though that's true enough). I'm looking for a fundamental change; a complete overhaul of how I view  and manage relationships, and how I fit them into my life.

I want to figure out (and accept) the sort of relationship that I want. Then I want to learn how to make choices that will get me where I want to be.

The problem with changing this part of my life is ultimately, it is outside my control. I can make all the good choices I want; I still can't force the right person to walk into my life, fall hopelessly in love, and then live happily ever after with me.

I suppose the thing to do is concentrate on the things that are within my control. Like - just what does my happily ever after look like, anyway?

I'm working on it.

NaBloPoMo - Dream job

My dream job has always been to be a professional writer. I suppose technically, I am, since I make money from some of my writing. But I don't earn a living as a blogger; I barely earn spending money.

I suppose it would be easy enough to turn writing into my career. At this point, I could just tell people that's what I do; eventually, that's how people would see me, and - BAM! I'm a writer.

The trick is to actually earn enough money from writing to pay my bills. A little more difficult.

My bills are big. Writing earnings are not - at least, not at first, and there's no guarantee they ever would be.

So, I suppose in reality, my dream job is one that pays my bills, and fills my closet. Which makes my current job a dream job.

Or a nightmare.

NaBloPoMo - Compliments

I'm not always good at receiving compliments. I don't always see myself the way others see me; makes it hard to see what they see when they're saying something nice.

But I try - and I'm improving.

I've gotten a few compliments recently. One that comes immediately to mind is when I posted a new photo of myself on facebook, so that I could make it my profile picture. Right away, a bunch of people "liked" the photo, and several left very nice comments.

I'll be honest - I hate my picture, and it's very hard for me to find one I'm willing to share. I took this one myself, with the front-facing camera on my phone, in a bathroom (with a wall as my background) because it was the only room at the (obviously Halloween-costume) party with sufficient light. I had to take the photo then because after I went to bed, I would no longer be sporting the feathers, sparkles, or makeup.

I'd just as soon upload a new profile photo without facebook making a big production. But these days, facebook turns everything into an event, so there's really no way around the post. It's even worse on my phone app, and by the time I can delete the post, I'll already have comment and/or likes, and at that point deleting just seems rude.

Plus, I appreciate the compliments. I think most people would just not say anything if they didn't have something nice to say. The compliments come across as sincere, and that is very easy to appreciate.

I suppose receiving compliments is something that takes practice - and that's just as good a way as any for me to keep improving.

NaBloPoMo - Presidential actions

Today, we elect a President. Fabulous. Now we can all go back to normal, and argue about important things like the Kardashians and X-Factor.

I'm not sure I could do the President's job. I mean - that's a crap-ton of pressure. I have respect for anyone who can take his personal beliefs, set them aside, and do what's best for everyone as a whole. I'm not sure I could.

I understand our economy is tanked and our foreign policy needs a lot of work. Some decisions need to be made - and as President, that's something I would delegate. Trust me - you don't want me in charge when it comes to that stuff . I can barely even balance my own checkbook.

As far as social issues... I guess I'd want to look at making sure that people's rights are protected in the Constitution. Take the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) for instance.

My opinion on same-sex marriage* aside, I have a real problem with the Constitution being used as a vehicle to take away rights. I prefer to think of it as a way to ensure and protect rights.

Truth be told, I think the Federal Government should keep its nose out of marriage. Since DOMA - a conservative initiative - put that nose where it doesn't belong, I think the government is obligated to make sure rights of all citizens are protected, at least as far as the Constitution is concerned.

I'm not gay, so I have no personal interest in protecting gay rights. But even if what matters to me personally is different than what matters to the next person - the point is, we all have personal rights that need protecting.

If I can't trust my government to protect the rights of my friends - how can I trust my government to protect my rights?

The answer is - I can't. I think the government needs to do whatever it can to reassure all people that their rights are just as imporant as the next person's.

*All that said - love is love. No one knows better than me how damn-near-impossible it is to find good, honest, pure, sincere love. I can't for the life of me wrap my mind around any belief that love should be restricted. 

If two grown, unattached, (mostly) sane people capable of making their own decisions can find love - who is anyone else to judge? Now cut it out.

NaBloPoMo - Election thoughts

Tomorrow is Election Day. This being a leap year, we're choosing a President for the next four years.

All I have to say is - thank goodness it's almost over.

I am tired of all the political rants on facebook, and in my office. I don't care what your political beliefs are - you're entitled to them, same way I'm entitled to mine. But if you can't be civil and nice, at least be quiet.

We all have different priorities. What's really important to me might be less important to someone else. It doesn't make either of us wrong.

What makes people wrong is when they flat-out refuse to accept that someone else might have a point, even when disagreeing.

What makes people wrong is when they resort to name-calling, pointing fingers, placing blame without solutions, and perhaps even getting a little mean and/or violent. That's wrong.

At the end of the day, all that really matters is that you choose what you feel is important, find a candidate that makes sense, and cast your vote.

Because if you don't vote - you can't bitch. We all know how hard I'll fight to protect my right to complain.