Movie Monday: Sex and the City

It's Sunday evening, and I have Chinese food for dinner. It's not especially unusual. I did have food here that I could have cooked (which is unusual) but I don't feel well, so I don't really feel like doing the work. So, I ordered myself some lo mein, and set about the task of looking for a movie to complete my takeout experience.

No movies on my very limited TV, and I didn't feel like anything from my netflix queue. So what's the next step? Well I have plenty of movies - but my go-to is always Sex and the City.

I've written before about how much I love this movie. I'm sure it sounds silly, or fake, because to most people, the whole SATC franchise is superficial and frivolous. It's all about over-priced clothes and shoes and sex, and other things that don't really tap into anyone's conscious.

You may be surprised to hear me say see me write that I don't necessarily disagree with that.

In fact - I never even liked the show. But when the movie came out in 2008, my marriage was just beginning to unravel. I was honestly afraid to be home, because I didn't want to be there alone. It was too much of a reminder of all that I was losing, and how little control I had over my own life.

So when my cousins invited me to the movies, I went. It didn't matter what the movie was - honestly, at that point in my life, I'd have probably gone on a fishing trip.

The thing is, if you look past the shoes and the clothes, you'll find the movie (especially this one) is really a story about one woman relying one her friends for strength in times when she needs it most. I suppose to see that, you really need to be in the right mindset - and that night, I was.

Now when I watch the movie, it reminds me that, no matter how weak or sad or vulnerable I might be feeling, I do have a place to go when I need to recharge, and get a boost of strength.

I think we all need that reminder now and then.

Special shoes

"It's really hard to walk in a single girl's shoes; that's why sometimes, you need really special shoes." Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Seen the episode? Then you know what this post is about. Haven't seen it? Shame on you. Click the link for a detailed summary. Or:

Season 6, Episode 83: A woman's right to shoes

Carrie attends a baby shower where she has to take off her shoes at the door (to protect the carpet), and the shoes go missing. $485 Manolos go missing. The hostess offers to pay Carrie - but chastises her for spending that much on shoes, and won't reimburse her the full price.

Carrie adds up all the gifts she's given this friend over the years. Showers (both baby and wedding) and a wedding gift, totaling far more than $485. Carrie realizes the injustice because there are no celebrations for single gals. No showers when we land a great New Year's Eve date, or a registry whenever we have to remodel our own bathroom. 

How does Carrie handle it? She announces to her friends that she's "marrying herself" - and registers with Manolo. She sends the friend an invitation, with the registry list - containing one item, the shoes she lost. They arrive shortly thereafter, in a perfectly wrapped gift package.

I was talking about this very thing with a couple of friends the other day. Chrissy's kids are fundraising. Preschool and kindergarten - what do kids this small need money for, anyway, I wanna know! (On second thought - no, I don't.)

Think of all the possibilities....

So, there's fundraising "opportunities" flying at me from every direction. I can't buy from one and not the other, and besides - I love these kids. I want to help them, and I want them to feel good, knowing they helped their class and school. But it's only preschool and kindergarten. We have years of this ahead of us. 

And like my other friend pointed out - it won't ever come back to me. I don't have kids, so no matter what, all the birthday and Christmas and graduation and back-to-school presents I purchase, and all the fundraising dollars I contribute won't be reciprocated. 

So I told my friends that I'm going to start registering whenever I have a milestone event. A major birthday, an accomplishment at work, or there's an "opportunity" in my home (aka something needs fixin') - and I'll start sending announcements with registry lists. 

Hey - if it's good enough for Bradshaw, it's good enough for me.

No Words Wednesday: Just sayin'....

Sex and the Standard



Care to guess who's who?

There we were...four single women, talking about life, love, work, sex and men. We were huddled at a table littered with to-go containers, half-eaten salad, martini and wine glasses, each nursing a glass of water.

Seriously - all we were missing was a production crew from HBO and Christopher Noth.

We don't know each other that well; and we haven't known each other that long. We came to the table at different ages, with different interests, experiences, and from different places in life.

So what did we share? We're all friendly, fun, fabulous women looking for happiness. The conversation was bound to be good. 

I know so many women who think that's a waste. If you're single, you should be trying to meet someone - or you're just wasting time. Or I'm silly to hang out with, or take advice from, women younger than I who've never been married. Or they're silly to listen to me - someone who was never in their shoes.

That's the point, though, isn't it? Or it should be. We can listen, and laugh, and share. In the end, maybe we learned something brilliant; maybe we had a life-changing idea; or maybe we just had a really good meal and a really good laugh.

Which, in my opinion, could never be a waste of time.

Cinderella Bradshaw

A guy once made fun of me because I was watching Sex and The City - The Movie on a Friday night. We'd met the week before and were chatting online, when he asked if he could call because "he was tired of looking at a computer screen." When he called, he asked what I was doing, and I told him. He said he couldn't believe I'd watch such mindless fluff.

I told him I didn't really believe there was any such thing as "mindless fluff." What's meaningless to you might resonate strongly with me. For example, the first time I saw that movie, I was in the throws of my divorce. I was at my weakest point ever, and some close family and friends took me out - and made me smile. For me, the movie represents the kind of strength that women only get from other women.

He apologized; said though he didn't like the movie, the fact that it had a deeper meaning for me was really "cool." If he was trying to date me, he failed. The only thing I like less than a judgmental jerk is one who can't even own what a jerk he actually is.

I meant what I said to him about the movie. Of course, it's also true that I love shoes and clothes and honestly, when Carrie gives Louise her LV, it's one of the most emotional scenes in movie history for me - ever. I watch the movie all the time - so you can imagine my surprise the other day when I picked up on a theme I'd never noticed before.

Spoiler Alert: Hopefully, if you haven't seen this movie, it's because you don't care to. That being the case, this won't matter. But on the off-chance that you really want to see the movie and just haven't, I'm about to give away the ending.

Remember when Louise calls Carrie to remind her that the closing on "heaven on Fifth" is that evening? Carrie says she doesn't need to go and Louise reminds her of the "never worn, $500 shoes." Love and money come and go - but Manolos are forever! Carrie races over to the apartment where she finds Big in the walk-in. They basically start their happily-ever-after right there on the plush carpet.

"It wasn't logic - it was love..." she says. No, it wasn't either. It. Was. Shoes. Carrie's deep, emotional (almost spiritual, really) relationship with her shoes is was brought her to that apartment - the main reason she and Big found each other, and their love, all over again. Cinderella, anyone? 

It's not a glass slipper - but it is fit for a Princess.

To further the fairy tale theme, when Big finally proposes the right way, what does he do to "seal the deal?" He ever-so-gently places one of the magnificent shoes on her foot - just like the prince did with the glass slipper.

We know I'm not huge into fairy tales. I think the idea that a woman has to wait for a guy to decide she's worthy; come find, and usually rescue, her; and turn her into a Princess, well....it sucks. But that's not Carrie's story at all.

She was always worthy; and she knew it. When she needed help, she turned to her friends - never Big, or any other guy. After he botched wedding number one, Carrie's friends were the ones who rushed to her side and helped her pick up the pieces. They brought her back to life.

When she found Big, it wasn't because she was pining away, searching for him. It was because she wanted her shoes. She was already a princess - she made him a prince.

Now there's your fairy tale.