Windshield washer

On my drive to work this morning, I watched a driver in a car next to me roll - yes, as in crank - down her window, reach her arm out and over, and splash what looked like Gatorade on the outside of her windshield.

Of course, I can't be sure if it was Gatorade, or windshield washer fluid in a Gatorade bottle, as her regular method of windshield washer fluid distribution.

It's a little scary how much the two things look alike? What if a passenger mistook it for Gatorade, and took a sip?! Or what if she forgot?

Anyway....

It got me thinking about solutions we use when we're young that we'd never even consider as we get a little older. I can remember the floor of my first car getting a small rust hole on the driver's side. My "solution?" A thicker car mat.

In high school, I had a friend who drove a VW Bug. Not one of the fancy new models that was released in the late 1990s. I'm talking about a car right from the 1960s in his driveway. The engine was where the trunk should have been, and the front seats backed right up against the backseat. I was the only friend short enough to ride in back.

Most of the car worked well. (Except for the parking break...the car did slide down a steep driveway into the road.) One part that was a little iffy was the defroster.

So one night, three of us were driving to the movies, and the windows were getting a little foggy. The passenger tried to turn on the fan; our friend the car shook his head and handed her a sponge.

"Wipe the windshield," he instructed.

She leaned forward and wiped down as much of the windshield as she could reach. Then handed the sponge to me so I could take care of the rear windshield.

I'm not sure any of us would be OK with that solution today - but we made it to the movies.

I'll shop if I want

I expect I'll take some crap for this...which is fine, I've been taking crap from all kinds of places for months now (hence the long absence) so I'm used to it by now. 

I keep seeing post after post about the evil retailers who plan to be open for shopping on Thanksgiving Day. That's right - the Black Friday deals that used to start at 5 am, then started at midnight, are now going to be starting much earlier. Stores like Macy's, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us will be open for business before the last dish is washed from your holiday feast. Some will be open all day.

This is, apparently, bothersome to a lot of people. They feel it disrupts the "sanctity" of Thanksgiving, a holiday that is supposed to be about giving thanks for family and friends, and spending time with the people you cherish most.

Which, is fabulous. In theory. But, you know, life happens.

Each time I see someone post about how awful it is that stores will be open, and how retail is "messing with their holiday" I wonder - is that person even affected? I mean - unless you or a close family member work in retail, why would my shopping on that day have any impact on you or your holiday?

Then I wonder how they feel about how other families are affected by businesses and services being open on holidays. They say people shouldn't shop, so retail employees can be off. Does that mean we should also avoid using any service that forces employees to work a holiday?

What if they had a fire at their home on Thanksgiving Day? Or got sick because they didn't cook the turkey properly? Would they refuse to call 911 because they didn't want to support emergency services being open on Thanksgiving?

What about all the people who travel on Thanksgiving? Would they not stop to get gas? Or call roadside assistance? Are they perfectly happy sleeping in the airport so that the crew can go home for dinner? But wait - if the airport is open there has to be security. So they'd have to go to a hotel... Wait!! Then those people will have to work.

But those are "necessary" workers, right? That's fine....just don't support frivolous, unnecessary holiday work.

What about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? An estimated 50 million people watch the parade. What a bunch of louses! They've been killing Thanksgiving for years, making all those extra police and fire fighters and EMTs along the parade route work a holiday. What about all the celebrities and performers and TV hosts and crew who work the parade? Don't forget the people in the parade, marching and dragging those balloons. Those Macy's employees have to volunteer for that gig. At least those working in the stores will get paid!!

We can't forget football...I assume everyone worried about the sanctity of Thanksgiving has been boycotting the NFL, as well? For years, its been killing the holiday for all of the players, coaches, stadium employees, and TV personnel who are stuck working instead of being home with their families.

Obviously, we can't forget the most important of all...soldiers who are stationed on bases around the country, and around the world, working to protect our freedom to eat turkey and bitch about retail hours. So when you think about it - the very fact that you're posting in the first place means you're killing someone's holiday.

Yes, yes, yes...I get it. Certain jobs are critical and require people to be at work, even on a holiday. My point is, those people and their families have adjusted. They've figured out that it doesn't matter what day you eat the turkey, or when you sit at the table together. They celebrate on the weekend, or the week before, or the next month - whenever they can.

The point is, to celebrate and appreciate what you have, how lucky you are, and remember to say thanks.

Truthfully, if you haven't figured that out, you're doing the holiday wrong anyway.

PS - Yes, I've read that some employees asked for the time off and were denied. I haven't taken a day off (other than scheduled holidays) in November or December in...well...never. When I was in high school and college, I worked retail. When I worked for a health insurance company I didn't have enough seniority to get the time. Since I went to work in property & casualty insurance 13 years ago, I haven't been able to take the time because this is our busiest renewal season. Do I get the holidays? Yes. I'm lucky. But I still miss out on certain parts of the season because I work a full day on Christmas or New Years Eve. I can't take extra time around Thanksgiving, so travel is always out. So, anyone who is looking for sympathy simply because they have to work a regularly scheduled day anyway - this isn't the place to look.

Morning commute

The shortest way for me to get to work is Consaul Road in Colonie. Locals know it's a curvy, 30MPH drive, but for me it's the most direct route.

For most of the year, it doesn't work because of school bus traffic. So I stick to Central Ave, a slightly less-direct route, but an easier drive.

But lately, someone (Verizon, Time Warner, or National Grid) has had the road down to one lane during rush hour. You know, that being the most logical time disrupt traffic.

So today, I thought I'd outsmart them, and go the other way. No school buses and no road work. I should be golden!

Nope.

I was less than 1/4 mile into my trip when I had to apply my brakes. We were slowed...then we were stopped. I could see a car with its hazards flashing, leading the parade. What I couldn't figure out was - why?

Then I saw. The lead car was being paced - by a dog running down the middle of the road. The driver was keeping his distance, probably hoping the dog would move to the side.

Eventually, cars coming from the other direction had to slow down. Then people started pulling off to the side of the road. A couple people got out of their cars to try and help. At this point, I was stopped, but not close enough to see much.

Then the dog changed directions, and ran back the way he came. When he passed my car I could see his hind-quarters were shaved, probably from recent surgery.

The man chasing him on foot looked determined. I'm not sure if he was the owner, or a friend, or just an animal-lover.

The dog moved off to the side of the road, out of harms way. I had to get moving, since I was in the middle of traffic, but I like to think the man was able to catch up to the fugitive and comfort him back to safety.

In the grand scheme of things, being on time for work really isn't that important.

Lost fish

The thing about living in my house, is you never know what might happen. When it's just me, things are relatively calm (though there was that time Joe took a flying leap into the lamp shade chasing a moth), but when the housemate and/or kids are home - all bets are off.

So it wasn't shocking to me last night when I heard glass clanging downstairs, and then my housemate muttering, "How does this happen?" and "Seriously?!"

Then from the bottom of the stairs, I hear, "I lost a fish."

Now - of all the things I thought might have happened...that wasn't one of them.

Obviously, I wasn't going to let this moment pass me by, so I went downstairs to hear more.

Turns out, Chrissy had the fish bowl on the sink for cleaning, and the lone fishy in a small container filled with water. The container was shallow and uncovered - and the fish, which had been swimming happily just a few minutes before - was nowhere to be found.

"I shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of living things." Keep in mind, she's the parent in this scenario. She'd already searched the whole bathroom, but we looked again to be sure. She shook out the small rug, moved the trash can, and we moved all the items on the sink.

Maybe he'll make a friend once he gets to the ocean.

No fish.

The only explanation that made any sense is the fish jumped out of the bowl (Which has happened to me before - well, not me, technically. It happened to X, and I just happened to be the first one to notice.).

But even still, we should have found him. So, we've concluded that he must have jumped from the bowl to the sink, and washed down the drain (the water was running). Which works out, because that way he'll just end up washing out to the ocean, where he can play with other fish.

At least, as I understand it, that is what the kids will be told.

God according to a five year old

Kids say the darndest things. I'm lucky enough to live with two who blurt out blog-worthy material on a pretty regular basis.

The other day at breakfast, the five-year-old told me she worries that God is cold at night, because He obviously doesn't have a bed in heaven. He just stays awake all the time watching over everyone.

This prompted a conversation about God, my cat who recently went to live with Him in heaven, how heaven works, how cemetaries work (ew, gross was one observation), souls and spirits, and finally church.

At which point, her mom told me that in church that weekend, the five-year-old leaned over and told her older brother:

Be quiet! God is on the stage talking.

She has it all figured out.

Marriage according to a five year old

I live with two kids (well, part time). I love them dearly. They bring a tremendous amount of happiness to my life. They also say the most hilariously blog-worthy stuff.

The other day, my housemate's five-year-old daughter asked her mom about marriage.

5YO: Can you marry your family?

Mom: No, that's not allowed.

5YO: I think you should be allowed to marry family. That way you know what you're getting - and if you don't like it, you can just throw it back.

I love this kid.

What's wrong with this picture?

I keep seeing this all over Facebook:

It's funny, except...

...according to my calendar, Easter is on Sunday, March 31. April Fools Day is on Monday, April 1.

Friday Fill-in fun - March 8

Borrowed from here....

1. Life goes on!

2. It was warm and then a little snow fell.

I can too love a phone.
From sprint.com

3. I knew it was love when I saw its 4.52" super AMOLED display lit up like a bright summer sky, and I saw the power of its 1.2 GHz Dual Core, 1200 MHz processor.

4. I would prefer sunshine and blue skies.

5. A little nap is wonderful anytime, but especially on a Sunday afternoon.

6. Sushi is one of my favorite things to eat for dinner (and lunch!).

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a Target shopping trip (and sushi for dinner), tomorrow my plans include the gym and a birthday drink with a fabulous friend, and Sunday I want to do absolutely nothing.

...feel free to leave your own if you like. Happy Friday!

Girls want to be brides

As soon as they can walk, little girls start playing dress up. One of their favorite dress up games? Wedding.

They start thinking about the dress they want, their favorite flowers. what sort of ring they'll wear - oh, and yeah, if there'll be a guy there or not - long before they ever go on a date or have their first kiss. When we're young, we understand that the dress and the shoes and the jewelry are much more important than the guy. It's not until we get a little older that boys arrive on the scene and screw up our priorities.

So it's not really news that women plan their wedding before they even have a proposal.

Haven't women been doing this for...well...ever? Wasn't there an episode of Friends where Monica dragged out a binder full of wedding ideas she started pulling together when she didn't even have a prom date?

Now, thanks to the magic of the internet and social media, women are pinning their way to the perfect wedding...and none of those pins have anything to do with the groom. 

Some think this makes women desperate. That they're so excited to have the wedding of their dreams, they'll marry the first guy who asks, just for the chance to put their plans in action.

I disagree.

Some women like to plan. They know exactly what they want, and they want to be sure they can put it in place when the time is right. Planning a wonderful wedding takes a while. There are million (give or take) possible ideas - no reason not to make a note-to-self for future reference.

As far as the groom's importance.... Let's face it. A husband might be important to the success of a marriage - but these women aren't planning a marriage. They're planning a wedding.

At the wedding, a groom is really just one more accessory.

Chris P. Bacon

At the gym, I try to use an arc trainer that puts me right in between the TV with CNN and the TV with ESPN. This is how I ensure I do at least 30 minutes. 

Yesterday, there was a story about the cutest baby pig who was born without the use of his hind legs. A vet built him a wheelchair out of K'NEX. 

I want to adopt him.

Meet Chris P. Bacon...

Found it here

Airing my grievance

I have a lot of grievances. Yesterday was Festivus, so I thought in honor of that, I'd air just one. That was a tough choice...here's what I got.

Visit bureauofcommunication.com

I never liked to beg

 
My first Halloween costume ever was Wonder Woman. I was 5 years old. It was one of those awful, plasticy costumes with the horrible masks that were oh-so-popular in the 70's and 80's. I liked dressing up as Wonder Woman, but I remember wondering - why am I begging strangers for candy? This seems unsafe - and unnecessary. Can't we just go to the store and buy this stuff?


Me dressed up as a sparkly, coordinated witch.
Not a stretch.



Much to my father's relief, after that I sort of lost the taste for trick-or-treating. I think I may have gone once or twice more, but mostly, I just wanted to go to parties or shaving creme fights where I could dress up (with minimal effort) and have fun without begging.



I dressed up once in college - finally realizing my life-long dream of being one-half of a couples costume. Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. Because X was (and is) such a good guy - I did not have to beg.



As an adult, I only dress up if there's a party. When I do, I'm minimally creative, and unwilling to invest a whole lot of effort (or money). I don't enter costume contests, and I won't wear anything that isn't an outfit I'd normally wear, anyway. Nothing uncoordinated, no cheap makeup, no bad wigs.

Since I live in a house, I hand out candy. If I'm not going to be home, I leave a basket on the front step. I'd say I do this to be a good neighbor, but mostly it's because I don't want the little beggers to trash my front lawn.

I guess I never got the point of a holiday that celebrates dressing up as someone else - as if who you are isn't fabulous - and begging others to give you something you should know how to get for yourself.



.

Fast food for lunch

Sometimes I eat fast food for lunch. By "fast" I mean food that comes from a building with a drive-thru attached. I don't consider things like Panera or Chipotle (or Moe's, which I prefer) fast food.

The only fast food I really "like" is Taco Bell. I say like that way because it's not my favorite way to eat what passes for Mexican/Southwest Style food. I'd much rather go somewhere a little more authentic, or - brace yourself - even prepare something at home.

But sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with lousy parking or lunch-time crowds. Sometimes I'm wearing heels and there's no way I can risk having to walk what will feel like a mile to get food. Taco Bell is also the only place I can get Baja Blast Mountain Dew. It's also slightly less expensive than some other places.

Convenience and price are my major incentives, but of course, there is that whole I-want-to-live-longer-so-I'm-trying-to-stay-healthy bit. When I started counting calories, I had to cut down the number of times per week I allowed myself the convenience of a fast-food lunch.

Notice I didn't say eliminate; I still eat fast-food from time to time. I look up the nutritional information online and track the calories the way I would for any other meal. It just so happens that when I eat a fast-food lunch, I don't each much else for the rest of the day (and/or I make sure I can hit the gym after work).

You see - it's not all about convenience or price for me. I'm an emotional eater, too, and when I have a bad day/week/month, sometimes junk food makes me feel better. Not healthy, not normal, but whatever. Some people drink alcohol; I eat sugar and salt. It's definitely a vice, but I like to think I have many other fine qualities.

Since I'm having a spectacularly crap-tastic week, I decided to have junk for lunch today. It doesn't make me sick the way it does for some people. In fact, the only food that ever makes me sick? Vegetables. Go figure.

What could be so bad that a person needs to drown the sorrow in sodium, chemicals, and over-processed food that barely passes as meat? I'm glad you asked.

***Please note: The rest of this post is really just me whining. I don't expect to have anything productive or helpful to say, or lessons to teach. Feel free to stop reading. ***

* I'm sick. I believe I have a sinus infection. I'm not a doctor, but I do know my body. Twice a year (spring and fall) my allergies kick into over-drive. The congestion usually turns into bronchitis. Last spring it was an ear infection. Last fall? My eye got so swollen that it became infected from natural bacteria on my eyelid. I got a staph infection from my own body.

More than once, this bi-annual infection has manifested itself as a sinus infection. The swelling on the side of my nose, and the fact that it's red and warm tells me there some inflammation. The slight feaver and fatigue suggest an infection. Since my ears and chest are fine, and neither eye is bright red, I'm thinking sinus infection.

* So go to the doctor! (You might say.) I'd freakin' love to. But my doctor can't be bothered to see me on an urgent basis. Or, her version of urgent and mine aren't in sync. Since this is the second time that the office's limited hours and resources has forced me into the hands of urgent care, I'm in the process of finding a new doctor. In the meantime, I might need treatment before I can get an appointment. My urgent care copay is $150; it's only $25 for a doctor visit. I can think of a lot of ways I'd rather spend that $125.

Either way, I'll suffer through the rest of today. Urgent care will be there if I need them. I have a hair appointment after work - I've never been sick enough to miss a hair appointment.

* Did I mention that now I have to look for a new doctor? I hate paperwork. It stresses me out.

* Work has been driving me absolutely bonkers for the last week. I inherited a bunch of clients last spring, which has shifted my book and made 10/1 almost as busy a renewal date as 1/1. That makes September almost as miserable as December. Rush projects, last minute changes, tons of meetings - all while keeping up with the day-to-day stuff. It's a real bummer.

* Personal life. I have one. It's stressing me out right now. I dislike changes and I dislike uncertainty even more. I'm also pretty bad at commitment.

* One of my personal email accounts was hacked. Some person in Venezuela used my email to send some sort of link to a bunch of my friends. I don't know what the link was; I'm guessing some silly ad. It was annoying inconvenience, just not something I felt like dealing with this week.

I think that's all I have to share. Yes I realize I have it better than most people. My problems are nothing compared to what some have going on. I realize I'm lucky and blessed. Believe me when I say that not a day goes by that I don't remember to thank God for what's good in my life.

One of those good things is that I can eat comfort food, and as long as I track the calories, I don't have to feel too guilty.

Another is that I knew enough to create my own little corner of the internet, where I can cry if I want.

Bridezillas

Got a bit of a wedding theme going on this week....yes, that's just a coincidence.

While I generally prefer crime dramas when I watch TV (except for Big Bang Theory, which is just the best show ever), I'm not opposed to the occasional, reality TV train-wreck. Sometimes, the bigger the wreckage, the better.

If you agree, then Bridezillas is a show you simply must check out.

The WE original follows two brides per show in the days leading up to their wedding, showcasing all the ways in which a wedding ceremony can turn a (seemingly) normal woman into a fire-breathing monster from the planet She's Insane - otherwise known as a bridezilla.

No job is too big, expense is too high, or request is too outrageous - for everyone else. Their freak-outs are embarrassing at best, and bordering on painful. They behave like spoiled brats, throwing temper tantrums if anyone doesn't jump at their every order. One bride brought her bridesmaid to a tanning salon and yelled at her, and the technician, when the color didn't come out the way she wanted.

So why do I watch? These women are so ridiculous it's entertaining. Also, it is hard to look away - like a train wreck.

Not to mention, they are so horribly behaved, they make me look like an angel.


 

Barbie on the farm

Though I never wanted to have children of my own, even I have to admit that sometimes, life is just more fun with kids around.

For instance....

Can't count that high

Kids say the darndest things....

My favorite 4-year-old: Mommy, how old are you?

Her mommy (my best friend): I don't want to talk about that right now.

4YO: No, I just want to write it down, so I can practice it.

Mommy: I'm 3-7 (three seven). Which is the same age as me...

4YO: Ohhhh - I haven't learned to count that high, yet, have I?

Mommy: Nope.

Isn't she precious? :-/

No Words Wednesday: Another point of view

An alternate way to view my fitness project.

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong? You can't get out of your own way while getting ready for work, your outfit or hair (or both) just isn't working, and everything you say or do is just off.

You comment on a facebook status and end up starting an argument. Or you post a facebook status - and not even crickets comment. You write a blog and get nothing but nasty comments. You text a friend and she ends up upset with you for something you didn't even know you did.

Everything you touch at works just falls to pieces, and you end up having to re-do your own work several times, just to get it right. You forget appointments, or to-do list items, and have to scramble to make up what you missed.

I hate days like that; especially when they last for a whole week.

Jewelry conundrum

I have a ton of jewelry. Mostly costume, some a little pricier. I don't have a ton of real diamonds or semi-precious baubles - I like to change it up too much to spend quite that much of my budget on one item.

I realized the other day that my jewelry was taking over my dresser. I want my things out and easy to grab as I'm running out the door 30 a few minutes late for work - but I don't want my dresser looking like a messy front lawn the day after Christmas; cluttered and sad.

I have a huge jewelry box, but it belonged to my Grandmother and came to me filled with her things. I don't have the heart to part with any of it. I also have a smaller jewelry box, which she gave me - but that's filled. I have an organizer for rings, and one that can hold necklaces.

My most recent kick has been bracelets and big earrings - and my most recent problem is where to store all I've collected. So I bought a small organizer that can double as a jewelry roll for travel. It can also hang on a doorknob or a drawer handle when not on the go. It has tabs to hold bracelets, pockets and holders for earrings and rings, and a teeny-tiny mirror.

Perfect.

I got it home and opened it up, and like any kid with a new toy, I started opening all the compartments. Imagine my surprise when I found a necklace already tucked inside one of the zipper pockets. A bonus, I wondered? Except it can't be - it's labeled for sale, and made by a different company than the organizer. The same company also makes costume jewelry, so I'm sure if they were going to include a give-away, it would be their own product.

At first I thought maybe someone had taken the organizer out of its packaging, and put the necklace inside. To see if it fit? To make it easier to steal? Because they were bored?

Then I looked more closely. The price on the necklace had been crossed out - the way you would if you were giving the necklace as a gift.

So I think someone removed the organizer from its packaging, put the necklace inside, and gave the whole thing as a gift - and the receiver returned it to the store without ever opening it to find the bonus gift.

Exciting! It's a bonus for me!

I guess you could say I unwittingly "stole" this necklace. I mean - I left the store with it, without paying. But the person who gave the gift originally did pay. The person who returned the organizer didn't get the money back for the necklace - so technically, the store isn't out money.

It became a gift to me instead. Right?

Elves and duck tape

When I wrote yesterday's post, I was feeling very positive. I'd gotten a lot done, and was really feeling like I had my act together.

Apparently, the universe felt the need to challenge that attitude. Later that night, I realized the window in front of my newly erected Christmas tree was open slightly. I couldn't reach it without moving the tree. No big deal, right? It's light, and I'm strong(ish).

Wrong.

Moving it caused what had been a small crack in the stand to become a large break. So there I was, at 11:30 pm, in my pajamas, holding a fully decorated and lit 6 foot tree with no stand.

At that point, I began to feel much less positive about all I'd accomplished.

I carefully laid the tree down, and tried to think. Santa has elves who would fix this problem. I looked around. No elves. So I went to the next best idea.

Duck tape.

After wrapping what seemed like feet of the sticky stuff around the stand and legs, 20 minutes later I triumphantly returned the tree to its upright position. It's a little worse for the wear, and only time will tell if it's gonna last til the big day.

But - I didn't lose my patience, or fling the tree out the window. I'm calling that a victory.

I'm also asking Santa for elves this year.