Mentoring month

January is National Mentoring Month. I found out from the Facebook page of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region, with which I have volunteered as a mentor (or a "Big") for almost 6 years.

The post suggested that to celebrate, we should thank a mentor, share our own mentoring stories, and encourage others to become mentors.

I've shared my story before, but it's probably worth sharing again.

I became a mentor because I was going through a difficult time in my life. Volunteering seemed to be a good way to distract myself from all the things I felt were going wrong. A friend suggested to me that volunteering as a Big might be a good idea.

It turned out to be the best advice anyone has ever given me.

To find out how to become a Big, I started at the website. I clicked the "volunteer" button and I was off and running. The application process was long - I'm not sure it's changed much. I had to answer a lot of questions, do a phone interview, answer some more questions, then go to an in-person interview. From there I signed off on a background check that was fairly extensive and I provided 4 personal references (a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a boss - if I remember correctly), all of which I know were checked. I see a counselor and I had to have a medical sign-off from him. I think it took about a month for that to be completed - then I had to be matched.

The matching process took a little bit of time. My Match Specialist contacted me with a few more questions, related to everything from race to disabilities (my own and others) and neighborhoods. I was honest - because the last thing I wanted to do was be matched with someone who wouldn't like me, or for whom I couldn't live up to the expectations.

Speaking of expectations... A lot of people think the whole mentor thing is a big time commitment. It's really not. My commitment is 2 outings a month and 2 phone calls a month (on non-outing weeks). Outings can be simple, and at first, they recommend you keep them short and close to home, while everyone (Big, Little, and parents) gets used to this new idea.

As far as how long you're committed... That sort of depends on your Little's age. My Little just turned 17 and she will age out of the program next year. That will end my commitment to BBBSCR (though I'd like to think I will still be in touch with my Little on our own). Your commitment could also end sooner. I had a match before this that had to be terminated after only a couple of years.

But they do ask that once you are matched, you give it at least a year. It takes time to get to know someone, and it can feel awkward at first. If you bailed at the first uncomfortable outing, you'd never make it past a month. But trust me - given time, it will improve and then develop into something awesome.

You're not alone, either. You have a Match Support Specialist that checks in with you, your Little, and your Little's parent(s) each month. After a year, these check-ins are done quarterly. The specialist is available at any point for questions and guidance.

There's other support too. There's a Facebook page for active Bigs where ideas for outings are shared. There's a monthly email with even more suggestions and reminders of ongoing activities and discounts. BBBSCR also hosts a few outings a year (like a holiday party and an a back to school picnic) that provide a chance to meet other matches. The chance to talk to other Bigs is a great help! Plus a free outing now and then doesn't hurt.

Speaking of which... Money. Big and parent(s) should share in the cost for outings. I do everything I can to find discounts and keep the cost to a minimum. My Little's mom sends her out with money on some outings and I let her contribute, which helps. Never be afraid to talk money. It will come up at the match meeting and everyone agrees that this isn't supposed to be a financial hardship. Outings don't have to be expensive either - I've taken my Little for a walk in the park and we've had a great time for free.

There's plenty of stories around about how the Littles (or mentees) benefit from these relationships. Kids in the program are less likely to do drugs, have trouble in school. They are more likely to go to college. That's all amazing.

But mentors? We get so much more. We get the chance to make a difference - a real, measurable difference - in someone's life. We touch a child and that whole family. More importantly, at least for me, our confidence grows, we become more outgoing, we make new friends, and we feel good.

The best part is, anyone can be a mentor - and everyone should.

Give big

I know a lot of people who like to say they hate "stuff," they don't need material things to be happy, they have learned to appreciate the people and memories in life. Etc, etc, etc.

I agree with it all. People are more important than things and happiness isn't found on a shelf. But there's still no denying - I love to shop.

I disagree that the ideas are mutually exclusive. A person can love to shop and still appreciate all that she has.

I spent some money on Black Friday, Cyber Monday...and all the surrounding days. On stuff for other people, and yes, on stuff for myself.

Today is Giving Tuesday. I will spend a little today, too - just not on stuff. Today I will support the causes that mean so much to me. Causes that help boost the lives and spirits and self-esteem for kids in my area. Organizations that make a difference in my community.

If you have an organization that you love, today is a great day to carve out some of your holiday-spending budget and give back. Or, volunteer your time - or just do a random act of kindness for someone.

The littlest things will make a big difference.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." ~ Dr. Seuss

Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region

Girls Incorporated of the Greater Capital Region

Friday Five - Reasons to donate

Happy Friday! It's been a great week. Monday was my birthday, and I enjoyed a lovely lunch, a short day at work, good news from the vet, a great sushi dinner, and the Home Run Derby. I followed that up with three days off from work - and now it's Friday and I am looking forward to a great weekend!

But, there is some business to handle, first.

My 25 x 25 Campaign for Big Brothers Big Sisters is in full swing. My goal is to raise $625 - by getting a $25 donation from 25 different people. That's where the name 25 x 25 comes from; but the truth is, I just want to reach beat obliterate that goal - I don't much care how we get there!

Some people might feel compelled to donate because BBBS benefits children, or the community. Maybe they themselves were impacted by a mentor as a child, and they want to help the organization that leads in one-to-one mentoring for kids.

But in case you're looking for a reason...I just happen to have a few.

• You can donate securely and easily online. Fundabilities has generously donated its platform to this campaign, so all proceeds from online donations will go to BBBS. Click here to donate securely.
• Donations are tax deductible. 
• The money will benefit BBBS programs which, as a Big, I can tell you are quite helpful. Not only the activities, but the professional support matches receive, particularly in the first year. 
• If you don't want to donate online, you can write a check to Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region, and write 25x25 Rock on the memo line, and mail to: BBBS of the Capital Region, 1698 Central Ave, Albany, NY 12205. If that's not easy enough, you can even hand me cash and I'll make sure BBBS receives the donation, and you receive credit for your support. 
• One more reason to donate? Because I asked nicely? 

Please and thank you - and Happy Friday!

Big Brothers Big Sister 25 x 25 Campaign

Most of you know that I am a volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region. I became a Big just about a year ago, following an incredibly difficult breakup. I was trying to move past the depression and the anxiety, and thought volunteering would be a great distraction. I asked a trusted friend where she thought I could focus my volunteering energy. She immediately responded that I would make a great mentor. "Well, maybe not right now," she laughed. "But get the process started."

So I did. I went into BBBS thinking I would distract myself, and possibly help a kid. I never imagined

all of the other benefits I would personally reap.

As a mentor, I have to be strong and lead, and put someone else's needs ahead of my own. This has made me more confident and out-going. Being a mentor puts my good fortune in a much clearer perspective, offers me opportunities I did not have before, and has helped me make more friends I may not have met otherwise. This has made me more grateful for all that I have. Most of all, mentoring helps me see myself though the eyes of a young girl, and it makes me want to be a woman worthy of her admiration and respect.

So when Big Brothers Big Sisters asked me to participate in its 25 x 25 Campaign, I was excited to say yes. The 25 is an "elite group of 25 current and alumni Bigs (and one alumni, adult Little) who are going above and beyond.' We've been challenged with raising $625 by asking at least 25 people to donate at least $25 each, between now and September 18.

If all 25 of us achieve that $625 goal, we will raise $15,000 - enough to put 15 more kids on the path to success.

I'm not sure why I was asked. Perhaps BBBS feels I have a large, untapped network. Or perhaps they have seen how determined I can be when it comes to fundraising. No matter the reason, I'm honored to participate, and determined to not let them down.

I am not going to jump out of a plane, or repel down a building. I will not be running a marathon, or a 5K. (Let's be real - I won't even be running to the end of my driveway). I am not biking, swimming, walking, bowling, collecting, baking, or doing anything else for you to "sponsor."

I'm simply asking you - my friends, family, and colleagues - to donate to a worthy cause. The mission of Big Brothers Big Sisters is "to provide children facing adversity with strong, enduring, professionally supported 1-to-1 relationships that change their lives for the better, forever."

I have personally heard stories from adult Littles, who say their Bigs helped reshape their lives in a truly positive way. Some go to college, others find a trade, but all find opportunities they would not have had otherwise.

These kids are future leaders, decision-makers, parents, teachers, and mentors. I am asking you, as a personal favor to me, to help support this worthwhile organization and its vision to help all children achieve success.

To donate, please visit my campaign page.

The one where volunteering helped me

I can think of no place better to tackle complex, philosophical questions than the TV show Friends.

For example, "The One Where Pheobe Hates PBS." In this classic episode, Joey and Pheobe argue whether any act is truly selfless - meaning the receiver benefits, while the giver gets absolutely nothing.

Joey says no way; Pheobe believes selflessness must exist, and sets out to prove him wrong. As a last-ditch attempt, she donates money to PBS during a pledge drive, making sure Joey takes the call, landing him on TV. Giving money to an organization she hates, to help her friend. What could she possibly stand to gain?

Turns out - helping Joey made Phoebe feel good. That good feeling meant even this act wasn't truly selfless.

I average about 3 volunteer hours a week. That includes time spent managing facebook pages, photo editing, blogging to promote causes and events, committee meetings, training, time spent with my Little, etc. It's not 3 hours each week - it's an average. Some weeks are more; some are less.

I've been told that's a lot of giving, and I should be proud that I donate my time and resources selflessly. I thank people who say so, knowing it's meant as a compliment. But while I'm saying, "Thank you," I'm thinking, "If you only knew."

When I say volunteering has changed my life, it is not an exaggeration. During a particularly difficult time, I asked a friend for advice on how to pull myself out of the funk, and keep myself busy at the same time. I wasn't interested in getting lost in my work, and while my friends are wonderful, I knew they couldn't provide distractions forever.

My friend suggested volunteering. I researched Big Brothers, Big Sisters of the Capital Region, Girls Inc. of the Greater Capital Region, and Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood. All had online forms I could complete and submit. All required an interview and some training. BBBS required a background check that fell just short of an FBI investigation into my life, past and present (understandable).

Friends asked how I would keep up that pace. In the beginning, it was a little tough. Just remembering to schedule and stay on top of all the emails took some getting used to.

But immediately, I welcomed the distraction, and the feeling that I was helpful. I loved the idea that I could immerse myself in something that was important. Even things that may have seemed insignificant to me were a big deal to someone.

Over time, I have needed that distraction less and less. I'm no longer in a funk, and plenty busy with other stuff in my life. But I still love volunteering. Sometimes the demand is tough - but I have found it's worth the effort.

Giving my time, my resources, my ideas, my creativity, and my help has made me feel accomplished and valuable in a way that my work never could. I have met new friends and made new contacts. I have learned more and gained experience that will stay with me forever. I have a new perspective on just how lucky I am, and I value what I have and the people in my life more than ever.

I will continue to give, and hopefully I'll continue to contribute. I will always cherish the thank-yous and appreciation.

But volunteering will never, ever be selfless.