Just believe

It's not always easy to believe in life. Sometimes all you get are problems, questions, and heartache. Other times, you get some good, but it feels incomplete somehow...or just not quite right. You think, "I should be excited about this..." But you're just not.

Once in a while, something magical shows up. Maybe it's not packaged exactly the way you were expecting. Maybe it requires a little bit of work. Maybe it's up to you to look a little harder to find the treasure.

That can be easy to miss. Some say it's not worth it; that if it was truly good, it would show up perfect.

I think that's when you really need to believe.

Christmas is a time of miracles. It's a time for forgiveness. It's a time to set aside differences and worries, and just be happy. It's a time to start over. It's a time when wishes come true. It's a time when nothing matters but a smile on someone's face, or a little joy in someone's heart.

Christmas is a chance for something better; something that brings a little sparkle to your life.

But only if you believe.

Not this year

When I was a kid, I loved to open the holiday cards family and friends would send to my father. I especially loved when the card included my name, either on the inside or even the outside. I've always loved mail.

I moved out of my father's home November 1995 - and couldn't wait to start my own holiday card list. I took all the names and addresses from his book, bought some cards, and got to work. Soon, cards started pouring in, addressed to me and X (we weren't Mr. & Mrs. at that point).

I was so proud of myself! To me, getting cards sent to my own address was a milestone. A rite of passage, of sorts.

Over the years, I have always looked forward to sending out cards. Selecting the perfect design (usually on clearance in previous year's post-holiday sale), making my list - and checking off the names in the send/received columns on my spreadsheet (yes, I have a spreadsheet).

One year, I even ordered personalized cards signed by me, X - and the dog and the cat.

The first Christmas I celebrated after X and I separated, I used the Christmas cards as a way of letting people know I was single. Not that I wrote one of those family letters or anything. I sent my cards out early that year, signing them just Sue - no longer Sue and X. (I mostly did this because I knew if I didn't, I'd get at least one card that was addressed to us both, and I knew that would be heartbreaking for me.)

Even then, I embraced this tradition learned from my Nanny and my Dad. I used it as another rite of passage, moving from wife to single woman.

This year, though - I'm not feeling it. I dragged the cards out last month and stamped and placed return address labels on a bunch of envelopes. They're still in the box, waiting to be addressed. I'm not sure if it's because of all I went through earlier this year, or all I've got going on now. I just can't get motivated.

So, I'm taking the year off.

At first I felt guilty. I tried to force myself to find the time over the weekend. Well, the truth is, I had the time - but I had other things that needed doing, and the cards just weren't a priority.

I'm sort of wondering...is this another "rite of passage?" Is the fact that - after 17 years - I'm willing to miss out on the tradition a sign that my life is changing again?

{I'll tell you a secret - I hope so.}

I figure people know I care - and they certainly know I still celebrate Christmas. Skipping one year won't get me kicked off too many Christmas Card lists.

If it does? Fewer to worry about next year.

No Words Wednesday: Faith, Hope, Love

Hoping you found a little faith, hope
and love under your tree, too.

Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa...

I've heard that some people think there comes a point where we're too old to make a list for Santa. To that, I say - no FREAKING way.

OK, if you don't want to ask for toys, or even sit on a stranger's lap to make the request, I guess I can see that point. But no Christmas wishes? Next you'll want me to stop wishing on stars, birthday candles and eyelashes.

What kind of world is that?!

Besides, I gotta say, other than the shoes (for which the link no longer works, by the way), Santa totally hooked me up on last year's list. Did everything show up exactly as I pictured? No. But sometimes Santa, like God, gives us what we need, when we need it - not necessarily what we think we want.

Point is - I couldn't be happier this Christmas, and since I got my wishes from last year, I'm going to go ahead and make some wishes again this year. Humor me.

- A new TV. Mine has a 15" screen, which was fine for a second TV, but doesn't make as good a main TV. I'd really like one that has a wifi card built-in; and if it's not too much trouble, a built-in DVD player wouldn't be the worst thing, either.

- The gloves that allow you to use the touchscreen on a smart phone. I got the phone I asked for last year, and I use it all the time. And now my fingers are cold.

- A fun date for New Year's Eve. It doesn't have to be fancy; so long as I'm with the right person.

- Health and happiness for my friends and family. OK - this is straight from last year's list. But some are still going through a rough time, and I still want them to be happy, and healthy. Please and thank you.

- A new client. You found me brought me helped me create a new job for myself. Now I need to turn it into a full time gig.

- Yankee tickets. These are never easy to come by, so I'm putting in my order early.

- Some extra will power on the whole diet and fitness project. Turns out, I may have to wear a swim suit...on a beach...in front of people this year. Help!


That should do it for me, Santa. Oh - and if you could hook up anyone who leaves their list below, that'd be great, too.

I'll leave the milk and cookies in the kitchen as usual. Try not to step on the cats when you're passing through.

No Words Wednesday: In case you were wondering...

Discovering Christmas

I have no idea how it happened, but somehow, The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas has escaped my Christmas specials radar all these years. It makes no sense; it was made in 1973 - so I should have been watching it all along.

Thankfully, someone introduced me to it this weekend.

The bears are all supposed to begin hibernation at half past December, but that means they'll miss Christmas - again! Theodore E. Bear (Get it?) doesn't want to miss it this year. Instead of going to sleep, he stays awake and goes in search of Christmas.

Ted gets to the big city and who should he bump into? Santa, who explains:

Christmas is a very important thing to discover - but you won't find it on a map. It's inside yourself. 

You see, Christmas isn't a place or a thing, or even a time. It's something you carry around in your heart; a way of acting towards others, a way of feeling about the world. Christmas is a way of giving.

I used to get caught up in the "stuff" surrounding Christmas. I let obligations and responsibilities ruin what the season should really be about. Spending my first Christmas solo several years ago, that point was driven home; it's a lesson I won't soon forget.

This Christmas is different; I'm getting a chance to really experience the holiday as it should be - not crazy shopping (though I'm doing my share of that), over-spending, running all over to please others, or killing myself with decorations.

I'm spending my holiday enjoying the people most important to me - and cherishing the time we have together.

I'm discovering Christmas.

The look of love

I was with my favorite people over the weekend. I got wonderful presents - but more importantly, I spent some time catching up with my cousin, while she and I shopped in our favorite store.

The only thing better was giving her son his Christmas present - something he'd specifically told Santa he really wanted. I spoke to Santa a couple of weeks ago, and he assured me that he had plenty for my cousin to open on Christmas morning, and if I wanted to give him this gift, I would definitely not be raining on Santa's parade.

I got the biggest smile, and the biggest hug, for giving this present. Don't get me wrong - I love to receive presents. But there's a lot to be said for the joy you feel when you give a present that someone really wanted.

It fills me with love - and reminds me what Christmas - and Santa - are really all about.

It also reminded me of this post from last year. Thought I'd share.

Remember - if you don't believe, you don't receive.

No Words Wednesday: Dear Santa....

Believe

Last week, I was talking about how you have to be open to receiving good in your life, before it can show up. That reminded me of something a friend once said to me - something she would tell her kids when they would question if Santa was real.

If you don't believe - you don't receive.

The message isn't all that different from the Pastor's sermon from that week.

Christmas is a time to be joyful, and thankful, and happy. It's a time to recognize the magic that's in our lives, and all the good that we have to celebrate. It's the one time of the year when everyone can look at the world through a child's eyes, and see everything with excitement and happiness.

People may laugh at how much I like Christmas; and I'm sure they chuckle when I tell them I still believe in Santa. But the truth is, whether you're celebrating a renewal of faith, or the one time of year when wishes come true - it's all magic.

Isn't that what Santa is? Magic? Isn't it about believing that good things are possible, and good things come to those who are good? Don't we all deserve at least one day a year to renew our faith - in God, or life, or magic, or happiness - or whatever we need the most? Don't we all deserve to stop for a minute, and just let ourselves hope?

Yes, I believe we do.

No Words Wednesday: Christmas trees

Santa is like God

Over the summer, my cousins and I were discussing with their 8-year-old son what he might like to get for Christmas.

Right there in the pool on that August evening, my favorite little kid looked up into the sky, and said, "Santa..." as if he was going to put in his request, right there and then.

Mom laughed, and said, "...but Santa isn't God." Then dad said, "Well, Santa is like God - but with more immediate consequences."

Now, we all know Santa isn't God - or even like Him, for that matter. But if you think about it - there are some glaring similarities.

• Both judge behavior based on specified criteria
• Both keep tabs on everyone - and a list, apparently
• Both have if this, then that consequences for your actions 
• Both have ways to make penance, if you mess up
• Both are somehow related to decorated pine trees....

Wait - that last one might be wrong.

Anyway...the point is that through faith - and consequences - we learn to be good people, do the right thing, and treat others well. We learn to respect our elders, take care of those less fortunate, and to pass our faith and beliefs on to our children.

We learn that if you have faith, and you really believe, good things will happen.

Some might take offense to the idea that kids learn those lessons from an old guy in a red suit who is practically a cat burglar. I say that learning faith and hope and trust and goodness is a good thing - no matter where the lessons start.

Movie Monday: It's a Wonderful Life

For the third time in as many years, this year I'll be watching It's a Wonderful Life with someone who is seeing it for the first time. Since it's my favorite movie ever, I suppose it is only fitting that I keep introducing more and more people to this timeless classic.

I was fifteen the first time I watched the movie. I was at my friend's house, and his parents had it on in the family room. He and his brothers were off doing something or other, so I sat down and was immediately drawn into the story of George Bailey and Beford Falls, NY.

Up to that point, I'd really never paid much attention to older movies. I wasn't super interested in anything that didn't involve my teen idols or more current story lines. But this movie was different - and it changed everything for me.

I think most people know what the movie is about, but in case you don't, let me sum it up for you. *Spoiler Alert* The story is about George Bailey, a good guy who has given up one opportunity after another in an effort to keep everyone else happy, at the expense of what he wants. When we find him, he's had a huge curve ball thrown at him, and the town and his family and friends rally to save him - but not before he gets a chance to see what the world would have been like, had he never been born.

We all feel that way sometimes, don't we? Especially at the holidays, if things aren't going our way. We wonder if people wouldn't be better off if we weren't around - or at least, wouldn't even realize if we were gone. It's a Wonderful Life reminds us that our lives touch others in ways we sometimes don't even realize. It reminds us that everything happens for a reason, and we're right where we're supposed to be.

Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he? - Clarence 

That's one of the toughest things to remember - and one of the best lessons we can ever learn. There's nothing more powerful than realizing your life doesn't just matter - it's had a positive impact on people, even if you don't see it.

More than 20 years later, I still watch this movie at least once every holiday season. Every time I do, I cry happy tears when George learns how much his life really means to others.

Merry Christmas!

May you find all your favorite things underneath your tree.

Merry Everything and Happy Always!!

Love,

Sue

For the Rest of Us

Always celebrate the Miracle of Festivus!!

Sometimes, you just need a break from the shopping and baking and wrapping and spending and lugging and smiling and caroling and.... whoa....!! Please excuse me while my grievances air....

• It sucks that this is my busiest month at work. While everyone else is going from one holiday party to the next, I'm stuck working through lunch, and usually long past quitting time. I feel like Bob Cratchet. Could please pass me some coal?
• It also sucks to be broke this time of year. The one thing I could do that would be fun is to buy gifts for others, without a budget. Ah well, there's always next year. 
• You know when you walk through a door and you hold it for the person behind you? I hate when they yank the door away from me. I'm holding on to that, darn it - and I have bad knees. Why don't you just swipe the leg, and be done with it?
• I don't even like to bake - or cook, for that matter. But I do like to eat. This is tough this time of year, because I've determined I need to go on a diet - STAT. 
• I'll never understand why so many places salt their sidewalk - but ignore their parking lot. I walk as much in the lot as the sidewalk (if not more). I could use a little help (bad knees, remember?). 
• I love decorating to my own taste and making quick get-aways. But, it would sometimes be really nice to have an "other" this time of year. Plus, I was really hoping to have a place to wear those shoes that were on my list. 

Okay - those are my grievances. Feel free to air yours below. We all need to vent sometimes. 

My Favorites

Last week, one of my favorites blogged about her take on the 5 worse Christmas songs - ever. I never commented because I couldn't get past some of the over-the-top comments her readers made on the topic.

Also, because I was already working on this post, and I giggled - because a few of my favorites were on her worst list. Ah well - if we all agreed, life would be boring, right?

I really only have one song I don't like - Twelve Days of Christmas. Although, I did find a version that makes me giggle. So, I'm listing a few of my favorites instead. I needed more than five because...well...I just couldn't choose.

Believe - Josh Groban

Yule That's Cool - Bette Midler

Where Are You Christmas - Faith Hill

Santa on the Rooftop - Trisha Yearwood (w/Rosie O'Donnell)

Christmas Shoes - Alabama

Santa Claus (I Still Believe) - Alabama

Grownup Christmas List - About a million different artists

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy

Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey - Lou Monte

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - Gayla Peevey

Sleigh Ride - About a million different artists


What are some of yours?

True Gifts

I've admitted this before, but: I'm spoiled. I'm an only child, a child of divorce and I was raised by my Dad. I may be repeating myself, but I'm like the perfect storm of all things that spoil a little girl.

Over the years, I've gotten a lot of great gifts, especially at Christmas. Pretty much, whatever I've asked for, I've gotten (except a car; my Dad drew the line there and stuck to it).

The first wonderful gift I remember was a doll house. It was three levels, and the door bell worked. It came with a little family; mom, dad, older brother, younger sister. I think there was even been a baby and a dog. The truth is, a lot of the details have faded. The one thing that has stuck with me was the feeling of utter joy when I found the house waiting for me on Christmas morning.

Even as an adult, I've been spoiled at Christmas. My Dad has given (read: paid for) several major projects for my house. Of course I appreciate the stuff; I wouldn't have most of it were it not for the gifts.

More than that, I appreciate the show of support. My Dad's gifts, no matter how small or big, make me smile because they show that through all the mistakes, the stuff I've messed up and the choices that he may not understand - he's still proud.

It makes me think back to all those years ago, when I found that doll house under the tree. Maybe the joy wasn't in the gift itself, but in the love behind it.

Twelve Days of Derek Jeter

All I want for Christmas....

In high school, I worked at the mall, in a kiosk that sat in the middle of the food court. So, I heard the mall musak for my whole shift. At Christmas I heard The Twelve Days of Christmas at least twelve times a day. Horrifying.

To this day, I can't stand the song. But here's a version to which I could become accustomed.

*ahem*

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Steinbrenner gave to me:

Twelve million dollars (roughly)
Eleven All-Star games
Ten pinstriped jerseys
Nine double plays
Eight RBIs
Seven more years of A-Rod
Six Louisville Sluggers
Five World Series Rings
Four more where those came from
Three years (with an option)
Two is (still) our Captain
And a Yankee cap atop our tree!!

Happy Friday!!

See?

Dear Santa

Why did we ever stop making lists for Santa? Does it really hurt to write down what you want from life? Whether it's stuff, or people, or a feeling - it's important to know what you're looking for. How else do you plan to get it? Even if the list is just for your eyes - you, at least, will know what your wishes are. 

So, in that spirit, I'm going to share you with you, dear reader(s), my Christmas wish list for 2010. Some of it is sappy; some of it is your run-of-the mill Christmas "stuff." All of it's honest.

A new job. I'll even make this easy, Santa - I already know the job I want. I just need a little help to put it in motion.

Happiness and health (and maybe some money) for my friends. Santa - they've put up with so much for so long. I mean, I know that life is full of challenges - but seriously?

Love. You know what I mean. Make it happen.

A new cellphone and/or e-reader because, let's face it, love, happiness and health are not going to fit in my stocking.

I'd really love it if snow could land on grassy surfaces only. That way, kids can build snowmen and friends can go skiing, but I don't have to shovel or slip while trying to walk. I've seen A Year Without Santa Claus, so I know you're tight with Mother Nature. Work a deal, k?

These shoes, an outfit to match, and New Year's Eve plans worthy of the whole ensemble. 

I'm asking my friends to list their wishes below. I'd love for you to deliver those, too. Although - not by UPS.

Please and Thank You, Santa!!

Forget to Remember

Christmas is supposed to be a time when we remember all the people who bring good to our life. We're supposed to show love for one another, and kindness towards strangers. It's supposed to be a time when we're focused on dreams, and possibilities for the future. When we should be concentrating on what makes us happy. 

Instead, we get caught up in finding the right gift, at the right price. We want to give the biggest and the best - and we want to receive the same. We want the best parking spot and the shortest line. We want to be invited to all the right parties. We want to be the best-dressed in the room, and we want someone to meet under the mistletoe. 

Kids get it. They look, wide-eyed as they pass Santa in the mall. Or rather, as we drag them, running from one end to the other. Kids stop to throw snowballs while we're plowing through the parking lot, bogged down with heavy bags and snarling at fellow shoppers. Kids wake with excitement on Christmas day and want to spend the day laughing and playing; we hurry them up, so we can clean the house and get ready for company.

We need to take a lesson from the kids. Let them remind us what is important. We need to make sure we don't forget to remember. 

(I can't take credit for "forget to remember." Credit goes to this guy.)