Compassionate liberalism

"All of us, regardless of party, should throw ourselves into that work – the joyous work of citizenship. Not just when there's an election, not just when our own narrow interest is at stake, but over the full span of a lifetime." Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States

This is my first, and probably last, political post - at least recently, and for a while. It's also not completely political.

I stopped having political conversations a while ago, even online. Most people don't agree with me, and seem uninterested in giving me a chance to explain. Even more seem to take it as an opportunity to condescend to me, explaining why I'm obviously wrong, as if my opinions are the product of a privileged background and an out-of-touch life. It mostly just leads to conflict, which I already have more than enough of in my life, so I try to stick to conversations about sports, TV, or my cat.

Much of what I believe politically is described as "liberal elitism." Since I had absolutely no idea what that means, I did what any self-respecting person would do - I asked Google. 

Liberal elite (also metropolitan elite in the United Kingdom) is a term used to describe politically left-leaning people, whose education had traditionally opened the doors to affluence and power and form a managerial elite.

Digging further, what I've found is that "liberal elites" seem to be people who come from well-educated backgrounds, which led to affluence and power, that dip their toes in the fountain of activism because it's the "cool" thing to do. They throw their money issues and get grants for mission trips to help the needy in other countries because it sounds better, and allows them to "help" while still ignoring realities in their own backyard. They police others behavior, lecturing on the importance of tolerance and inclusion and acceptance, all the while remaining intolerant of those who they lecture.

OK, so that's not cool.

I'm definitely liberal, though it's not a label I like to use, since my views are my own and are not defined by political agendas. I do come from a background of some privilege, and it did allow me access to a good, debt-free education, which could have led to a very lucrative career, had I made different choices. While I wouldn't call my current job "lucrative," I am certainly not underpaid, nor am I suffering. My spouse-less, child-less, house-less lifestyle allows for a lot of comfort. 

I suppose you could argue that I am "elite," though I have very little affluence, even less influence, and, like really no power at all. 

I do like to help - and I try not to offer based on race or nationality (or any other criteria such as gender, orientation, religion, or whatever). I try to offer both my money and time. I'm not trying to ignore reality, but a girl can't live through volunteerism alone, ya know? I try to keep it local, though sometimes a cause just grabs me. I also believe we are all a part of a larger community, and firmly believe that help anywhere helps to make the world a better place. 

I do believe in tolerance - but I believe it goes both ways. I have tried, and continue to try, to understand other people's point of view. I admittedly have a lot to learn, but I want to listen and understand, and not ignore realities outside of my own. 

I'd like to think my desire to help, to listen, to understand, to support, and to include is compassionate, and not elitist. I'd like to think that those who don't agree would start giving liberals like me the benefit of the doubt, before just assuming they know our thoughts and motivation. I'd also like to think that we could all step outside our own reality and look at how everyone is affected in different ways. I do not think lecturing helps, though I understand the impulse, and know I am guilty from time to time. 

I also don't think we can all continue to take in only one side of any issue, and expect that others will just find their way to agree with us "because we are right." "Right" looks different depending on where you stand. On many issues, there truly is no right or wrong answer. When there is, it still doesn't help to be right, if you don't understand how others got their answer. What good does it do to know better if you can't share what you know? 

Working together to make the world a better, richer, more understanding and supportive place can only help all of us. We may all be in different places, but we are all in this together.  

Tired

I'm so tired of bad news. I'm tired of people being shot, harassed, murdered. I'm tired of terrorists and criminals, and I'm equally tired of corrupt good-guys and actual good-guys being made to look bad. I'm tired of people labeling others based on the color of their skin, the color of their uniform, who they love, where they worship, where they work, or how they vote. I'm tired of finger-pointing and name-calling.


I may not agree with your choices. I may not understand them. You may not agree with or understand mine. I still don't understand why that matters. Why do we need to agree? I'm tired of trying to figure it out.


I am 100% sure there are people out there who believe others should be killed for the color of their skin. I am 100% sure there are people out there who believe others should be punished for who they love or how they live. I am also 100% sure there are people out there who believe all police are corrupt, evil, and should be killed.


I am reasonably sure those of us who just want a safe, happy, peaceful world outnumber all of those people. (I wish I was 100% on this one, but I'm just not.) I just don't think we all agree on how to get started.


Here's a picture of my cat, being all happy and peaceful. Coincidentally, he also looks tired in this photo. I figure we need to find a way to get on the same page. Everyone likes Joe, so maybe this is a good place to start?







Start listening

When horrific, tragic events like the shooting in Orlando occur, I'm always hesitant to post, here or anywhere else. I understand why people do. Many want to express their sorrow or anger, or just their support for the affected community. Some feel the effects personally. Some want to help in any way they can, no matter how small.

The problem I have seen, and the reason I avoid posting, is the comments that follow. The bickering over gun control or religious freedom or whether or not our President is a mole (Seriously!?) or whether or not people in the LGBT community are sinners or whether or not God was at work... It goes on and on and on. The arguments feed the hate and the anger, until both have a life of their own. Instead of using the tragedy as a way to come together, we allow it to tear us apart.

People who share opinions are instantly labeled: Conservative or liberal, republican or democrat, LGBT-friendly, religious, Christian, Muslim, pro-gun, anti-gun. Labels lead to assumptions; we automatically assume that because we know a person's political affiliation or religious practice, we must also know where he stands on gun-control or LGBT rights.

Assumptions are natural, and labels are easy. I'm as guilty as anyone. I read comments and I automatically assume I know where someone stands on any issue. I have leapt to the conclusion that disagreement is personal, and means we can not be friends.

But I have learned that why a person feels the way he does is just as important as what he feels - and how he chooses to express or act upon those feelings is more important than either.

I have also learned that although people may disagree on a defined political or social issue, that very well may agree that a problem exists - and they may even be able to find common ground on a solution.

My boyfriend and I disagree on a lot of political and social issues. It would be easy for us to label each other as insensitive or foolish or unyielding or hurtful. Instead, we take the time to share and listen. We talk about the issues - not about each other. We don't point fingers - we wonder out loud about what is happening and what should happen, and then share with each other why that may or may not work for everyone.

I have learned more about compassion and love and freedom and understanding and support from this one person than I have from all of the posts and articles I've read combined. He's wise and kind - and that's coming from someone who often disagrees with his point of view. I may not agree with him, but I absolutely respect him.

If I have learned one thing from spending time with someone who disagrees with me on so much, it is this: Nothing will ever change until we are all willing to stop fighting and start listening.

Slammed doors

Since my family's favorite holiday traditions of nagging and guilt have already started, I wanted to share my thoughts on gratitude now - while I still feel somewhat friendly and sentimental.

If I've learned anything in the last few years, it's that blessings are everywhere, even if they aren't always obvious. Sometimes what seems like missed opportunity is actually redirection towards something so much better. Sometimes, God slams a door shut because we are not smart enough to close it on our own.

There was a time when I thought my life would never be good, because it could never be what I wanted. I tried feeling sorry for myself - turns out, that doesn't really work. So I set out to make the best of what I could with what I had left. It didn't work right away, and at times I got discouraged. What I came to realize was that time wasn't being wasted - it just takes a long time and a lot of patience to build an amazing life full of joy and hope.

When I think about where I was even a year ago, I realize that if I had gotten everything I thought I wanted, I would have missed out on something so much better.

Sometimes, the most painful lessons are the biggest blessings. We have to hurt to understand what we really need. We have to go through loss to find what really matters. We have to be forced to change to figure out what we were doing wrong. But once you accept those lessons and open your heart to the possibility that you don't know everything... wonderful, amazing things happen.

This year, when asked why I am thankful, my answer will be:

I am thankful that God helped me see what I was doing wrong. I am thankful that He gave me friends who could help me navigate the loss, and make the changes I needed. But most of all, I am so very thankful that He slammed that door shut.

I don't know much

I don't know much about much, but one thing I have learned in the last few years is that mistakes and challenges are often lessons in disguise.  People are doomed to repeat the same mistake until they finally learn the lesson it was meant to teach.

September 11 is a pretty awful day. No one has good memories anymore. Everyone talks about where they were when the towers fell. It's a sad reminder of a tragic day filled with nothing but grief and loss.

I wasn't personally affected. I wasn't in New York or Washington DC or in a field in PA. I wasn't on a plane. I didn't personally know anyone who was. But I felt the day. It triggered some terrible anxiety and worry for me - that something would happen and take someone away from me. Loss is my greatest fear, and it doesn't take much for me to feel scared.

In the days and weeks that followed, everyone everywhere saw a change in Americans. We were kinder towards each other - more accepting, understanding, and accomodating. Differences didn't really matter - if you were an American, you'd been attacked. We were all neighbors. We weren't the arrogant Americans they thought, and they couldn't weaken our spirit. The US was stronger because of the attack.

In the years since, there's been a huge shift. We're tougher on each other. We're divided over issues like same-sex marriage, guns, welfare, Healthcare, religion - you name it, we've probably used it as a reason to argue. We attack each other over political view points and personal opinions. We poke fun at one another for meaningless reasons.

Of course we are all entitled to an opinion, whether we agree or not. Embracing that right means we still have not conceded victory to the terrorists. We continue to embrace the very freedom they sought to attack. We are still strong in our belief that freedom includes the right to disagree.

I think every time we argue with each other, we weaken that freedom. Taking a side is fine; judging others for the side they choose is not. The minute we allow our opinions to become bigger than our humanity - the terrorists win, just a little.

If we really don't want them to win - and if we really don't want any of the lives lost to be in vain - we have to do better. We have to stop behaving like the pompous, self-righteous Americans they meant to attack.

Like I said, I don't know much. But from where I sit, we need to get back to respecting each other, working together, and making our whole country a better place.

We can post all the pictures and poems and memories we want one day a year. But if we really want to win, we need to bring a whole lot more light into our world every day.

Until we learn that lesson, they will have won.

Take the first step

When I tell people I have faith, they usually give me the, "C'mon, you don't really believe in that, do you?" look.

Well, yeah, I do - or I wouldn't have said so.

But I understand the question mark. For a long, long, long time, I had zero faith. I thought things had to be forced into shape. If it didn't fit, I pushed harder. I thought faith was an excuse to be lazy, and not work for what you want.

Over the last couple of years, I have learned that faith is a lot of trust mixed with a lot of work. Faith means you keep moving towards your goal - while trusting that whatever happens is part of the plan.

You still have dreams and wishes. You still set goals. You still make plans.  You still do all you can to get where you want to be. Keep up your end of the deal.

At some point, you accept that you've done what you can. What remains is out of your control.

Then you keep moving forward, as if you know how things will turn out. That's faith.

What's meant to be will always find its way - but you need to participate.

I don't do Lent

Lent is "a solemn religious observance in the liturgical calendar of many Christian denominations that begins on Ash Wednesday and covers a period of approximately six weeks before Easter Day.

The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, atonement and self-denial."

I'm not really a fan.

I know a lot of people who give something up for Lent - usually as a jump-start to a self-improvement campaign. People give up sweets, or junkfood, or ice cream, or alcohol, or meat, or swearing, or TV, or taking the elevator.

Don't get me wrong - that's all awesome. Life is about constant improvement and change.

The thing about Lent is, the sacrifice is supposed to be done in faith; a penance, to honor Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. If you're someone who gets that, and you have faith that Jesus is your savior, and you want to honor His sacrifice, rock on.

Sacrifices done for any other reason are certainly admirable - but they're not penance.

I attend a nondenominational Christian church. I struggle a bit with the subtle hypocrisies I face, since I don't agree with every point of view. One thing I have learned is, in order to truly have faith, you need to understand the traditions and beliefs, and how you can honor them best.

I believe in a forgiving, loving, gracious God. I believe He wants us to be the happiest, healthiest, most successful version of our best selves. I believe He placed us each here with a purpose, and finding and fulfilling that purpose is the best way to truly honor His sacrifice.

To me, the idea of Lent seems to suggest that we are always living in a way that goes against God's plan - but that somehow, we can set that right during those six weeks.

I disagree. The God I know is not that harsh or judgmental. He is not looking to punish, or take away. He has more faith is us.

I think if we strive to always live within His plan, He doesn't much care about six weeks in the spring. I also believe that any time we lose our way, we can come back to God. I think God would accept anyone, anytime - and all we need to do is ask.

More on God

More from my favorite five-year-old on God.

5YO (to me): Who did you vote for?

Me (totally confused): What were my choices?

5YO: Obama or Romney.

Me (totally shocked): How do you know those names?!

5YO (Undeterred): Who did you vote for?

Me: Well, you should understand that who a person votes for is a personal question, that not everyone likes to answer. But I'm happy to tell you that I voted for Obama - twice.

5YO: That's good. God votes for Barack too, so you're right.

I'm not sure what I like better - being told I'm right, learning that God voted for Obama, or that I'm living with a five-year-old who is on a first-name basis with our President.

I love this kid.

God according to a five year old

Kids say the darndest things. I'm lucky enough to live with two who blurt out blog-worthy material on a pretty regular basis.

The other day at breakfast, the five-year-old told me she worries that God is cold at night, because He obviously doesn't have a bed in heaven. He just stays awake all the time watching over everyone.

This prompted a conversation about God, my cat who recently went to live with Him in heaven, how heaven works, how cemetaries work (ew, gross was one observation), souls and spirits, and finally church.

At which point, her mom told me that in church that weekend, the five-year-old leaned over and told her older brother:

Be quiet! God is on the stage talking.

She has it all figured out.

My religion needs a name

I have yet to find a church with which I completely agree. The Catholic church is most definitely out. Other Christian faiths are nice, but steeped in formality and tradition - and when it comes to faith, I'm not really a formal kinda gal.

Non-denominational churches (like the one I attend) are less rigid. There's a more modern, "come as you are" feel to the message and service. Plus there's not a lot of that stand-up, sit-down nonsense, which is hard on the knees.

I don't like a message of a vengeful, angry, judgmental God. Yes, I get that in the end we're all going to be judged for how we lived. But I like the idea of a loving, faithful God who offers forgiveness and grace and guidance in life, if we just ask. I like to think God is there to help us get it right, not set us up to fail.

Most anyone who knows me knows I support same-sex marriage, and that equal rights is something I believe in pretty strongly. Many, many Christian churches don't support that idea, believing that the Bible defines marriage as something between a man and a woman, largely for the purpose of creating a family.

But I also believe in religious tolerance. I'm of the opinion that religions have to be allowed to believe and teach what they hold true. After all, I don't have to agree with your opinion, in order to agree that you have the right to have one. Still, I struggle with the idea that by supporting the church's right, I'm also inadvertantly supporting this belief, which goes against everything I hold true.

I think the church has an image of being a judgmental, closed-minded, and rigid institution where this sort of free-thinking and questioning is not tolerated. I think that image is what makes many turn away from the church, and sometimes the whole idea of religion. I know that's why I turned away for so long. I thought that if I showed any sort of belief, I was at best a hypocrite. At worst, I might be a harsh, judgmental, close-minded person.

It took a while, but I have been able to separate the ideas in my head. I have figured out that I can support the message, and have a relationship with God (which my church encourages) while at the same time maintaining my own politics and beliefs. My church delivers the message that you need to have faith, and believe in God and Jesus. It teaches us to bring them our problems, worries, and obstacles. It encourages us to ask God for help, so that we can be the person He intended. We are each a masterpiece, uniquely created by God in His image with our own talents and gifts.

If I believe that, then it follows that that my feelings about equality and tolerance are a part of God's image for me - and keeping true to those beliefs is a part of who I am meant to be. The only way to stay true to God is to be proud of my beliefs and my faith at the same time.

But I suppose, then, that means I'm not quite a Christian. Or at least, I'm not the "stereotypical" Christian. Which makes sense - most people are shocked to learn that I go to church each week. Let's face it - I don't live my life the way most Christians would choose, or find acceptable.

I've also learned that I don't need to be acceptable to other people, whether I meet them inside or outside of the church. I need to be acceptable to God. He is the only person who judges how I live my life. If I am true to Him, and the image I believe He has for me, than I guess I am doing something right.

That's my religion.

What I learned watching 'The Bible'

Though I was exposed to religion fairly consistenly from the ages five to twenty-two, in all that time - I never once read The Bible.

I'm sure passages were read to me. I even remember a lesson early on about how the numbering of verses works (though I couldn't repeat it now without a trip to Wikipedia).

Each week, I attend a church service where scripture is read, and then explained. I find it interesting to hear how it translates to real life. But again, that's having it read to me, and in short spurts.

A few months ago, a friend gave me a Bible (the first I've ever owned). I'd like to read it, but The Bible is a big book. Let's face it - my attention span isn't that long. I can't even finish a Stephen King novel.

So when I found out that The History Channel was showing a ten-hour series telling the story of The Bible, I thought this was my chance. The series aired in five, two-hour episodes, each Sunday in March. Sundays at 8 - I could totally do that!

So I did. I know a little bit more about the Book now, though I still find it confusing. Through church, and praying, and the series, and reading blogs, and just listening, I feel like I get the message a little bit better.

A few observations I made while watching (and sometimes tweeting) the History Channel mini-series:

• The Bible is disturbingly violent. I find it hard to believe that God condones that much bloodshed in His name. I think these people were, at times, way off the mark in the message.
• Along those same lines, if God had chosen more women as prophets, they may have gotten the message more clearly. Everyone knows most men only hear what they want, anyway.
• Samson had particular trouble making good choices, especially when it came to women. Had he joined Christian Mingle, and let them find "God's match" for him, a lot of problems could have been avoided.
• Abraham was the first dead-beat dad. That comment ruffled some feathers (maybe cause I made it at church) , but c'mon! He cheats on his wife because she can't get pregnant, and knocks-up some poor, young "servant" girl. Then his wife has a child - and he makes his first son (and his mom) go live in the woods? That's like an episode of SVU.
• I always knew snakes were evil, filthy creatures up to no good. Now I have confirmation.
• Say what you want about that Pharaoh, those slaves had one heck of a dental plan. Pearly whites everywhere!
• I still don't understand why everyone's arguing over that one patch of land in the desert. To this day, even! I think something, somewhere, went terribly wrong. I hope they fix it in the sequel.

I know, I know...I kid. Now you know why nuns hate me.

Nuns hate me

On one of the online dating profiles I have, the question is asked, "What is the most private thing you're willing to admit?"

My answer is, "Nuns hate me."

(In the context of an online dating site, it totally works. It gives people an opener. "Why do nuns hate you?" is a frequent question. Useful for me, too, because if they tack on an "lol" I know not to bother responding.)

Between a short stint at private school, religious education at a Roman Catholic church, and (for reasons having zero to do with religion) four years at a Catholic college, I was exposed to religion pretty consistently from the time I was five through my early twenties.

The one lesson that was clear through all this education: Nuns, do in fact, hate me.

I remember once asking my dad why that might be. His theory was that nuns prefer that people (especially kids) just take everything at face-value. Kids should do as they're told, believe what they hear (from the church), and not question anything.

My problem, he said, was I questioned everything.

I wasn't belligerent (at least, I don't think I was). I just wanted to understand. I liked knowing the whys and the hows about all the whats people were teaching. The problem is, when it comes to faith and religion - wheres and whens are easy, but not so much the whys and hows.

I didn't just believe what they told me or do what they said. If it didn't sound right, I questioned why. If they said God said something was wrong, I wanted to know how they knew. If they pointed to what they believed was proof, I questioned whether or not it might mean something else.

It wasn't that I didn't want to learn, or have faith - I just didn't want to do it on their terms. That, apparently, did not make me endearing.

That's fine. After a brief hiatus from religion and church, I have found a Christian church (not Catholic) that shares a message of a faithful, forgiving God who gives strength and grace to those who ask. I have found a way to have faith and believe and learn without having to compromise who I am.

Which, I believe, is what God really wants - for us all to be the the unique masterpiece he created us to be, and not a carbon-copy of everyone else.

Whether nuns like it or not.

I'm such a crab

Though I've had mixed results when it comes to psychics, tarot cards, mediums, etc. One area of spiritual interest that I'm finding more and more accurate is horoscopes.

I'm not necessarily talking about the daily what's-going-to-happen-today horoscopes - though those are sometimes accurate. Those seem pretty generic, and like they could be hit or miss for anyone on any day.

What I have found to be accurate is the characteristics and qualities that astrology attributes to each sign - and in particular, how people of each sign will interact with each other.

For example...I'm a Cancer. The fourth sign in the zodiac, Cancers ruling planet is the moon (which is weird, since it's not a planet), and the ruling element is water. By most counts, being a Cancer makes me:

Maternal
Nurturing
Domestic
Traditional
Moody
Introverted
Emotional
Tenacious
Strong-willed
Kind
Gentle
Emotionally manipulative
Sensitive
Thrifty
Devoted
Romantic

....and I wear my heart on my sleeve, should listen to my gut, and am used to getting my own way.

Now - anyone who knows me can tell you that just about every one of these things is true. While nurturing and domestic would suggest I'm a good cook, that's where our unique experiences come in. Do I cook? No, not really. But anyone whose ever been to my house for a meal will tell you there will be more than enough food.

Emotionally manipulative? I suppose, though I try to control those tendencies. Again, experience has taught me who I don't want to be. But if I wanted to be vindictive and manipulative to get my own way? I know a few tricks.

Thrifty? Not anymore, though I can be when I want to be. I've clipped coupons with the best of them.

As for moody, sensitive, introverted, protective, and used to getting my own way...

Who, me?

Mediums, psychics, cards - oh my!

I go back and forth on how much attention I pay to things like horoscopes, psychics, etc. I know some people consider it all the "occult" - even something as simple as checking your horoscope in the morning. Others aren't bothered by it, as much as they just think it's plain stupid.

Western religions have a real problem with all of these, saying they leave the door open for evil spirits. Don't get me wrong - I'm not about an open-door policy when it comes to evil. Even the idea of movies like Paranormal Activity 26 (or whatever they're up to) gives me the creeps. I'm all about surrounding myself with positive energy.

But aren't things like Feng Shui and karma also a problem for western religion? So, I mean, as long as you approach things with a pure, honest motive, won't you get pure honest results?

Found it here

In that spirit, I've visited a psychic, had a reading by a medium, and had my tarot cards read several times. I've done each with an open mind; never setting aside religious beliefs, but rather embracing the positive energy that surrounds us from every direction.

As for the idea that they are all "bubkis" - I think that's true sometimes. There are so many sources out there for this type of information, you're bound to run in to people who are just making stuff up as they go along.

I've had mixed results. I visited the psychic with some specific questions about a relationship, and she got it all wrong - but she hit on some other things that really made sense. My tarot card readings have all been pretty accurate (and fairly specific). The reading from the medium really did sound like Nanny was lecturing me from beyond, but it was vague enough that it's possible the medium could have surmised some facts about me and used those to make it up. Maybe.

I suppose there's no way to know for sure if these people truly have a spiritual gift, or if their real gift is just being able to read others very well. Either way, if you go into the experience with an open mind, you're bound to learn something, and maybe even take away a positive message.

Really, what could be wrong with that?

I give up

Today is the first date of Lent. That's a Catholic thing; I think it's also observed in other Christian denominations, but I'm not sure which.

I consider myself a Christian, but I haven't heard Lent mentioned at my church. When I was Catholic, I always forgot to give something up. If asked by one of the nuns, or my Grandmother, I scrambled and always came up with an answer like ice cream.

But a life without ice cream is like darkness and chaos, and I'm sure no God to whom I pray would ever want me to live that way.

So, this year, I've decided to give up the following:

• Procrastination
• Too much TV
• Avoiding the gym
• Too much junk food
• Paying attention to unkind words of others
• Rejection (in other words, I'm giving up caring when others reject me)
• Being too hard on myself
• Being too hard on others

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone gave up judgment, lying, feeling bad and (nonconstructive) criticism for forty whole days?

Name the problem

I struggle with low self-esteem. I've actually struggle with it less as an adult than I did as a kid, but it still creeps in to my life here and there.

Around Christmas, our Pastor did a series at church called It's a Wonderful Life. His messages are usually quite powerful, and give me a lot of comfort. Two services in this series were about recognizing the bad spirits in your life, identifying them - and getting rid of them.

We've all heard "the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one." It's not enough just to say there is a problem, though - you have to give it a name. That's how you take away its power and figure out how to deal with it.

[Sort of like Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter series - not saying the evil wizard's name bred fear, which gave him tremendous power. Saying his name out loud was how good wizards fought him.]

When something has control over your life, you are going to make mistakes and miss opportunities. If you believe in God, and His plan for your life, you believe this is because you're giving control to someone or something other than God. Even if you don't believe in a higher power or plan of any sort, you still have to admit that if you're letting someone else steer the ship, then you're not living up to your potential or plan. Just because you're not in charge.

So what do you do? Name the problem. Whether you do it on your own, or through prayer, or counseling, or talking to your friends until they don't want to hear it anymore - identify the issue, give it a name, and figure out how to give it the boot.

Why did you make that bad choice, or let that thing happen, or say yes (or no) when you should have done the opposite? You know you knew better - so what was the problem? Once you can answer that question, you are on your way towards setting things right.

On my heart

I am not making resolutions this year - but I am writing a few things on my heart.

Found it here.

- I will not let the problems of others bring me down
- I will thank God each day for all that I have
- I will remember to tell my friends how important they are, and how much I love them
- I will approach each day as though it will be the best day of the year - because it just may be
- I will surround myself only with people who add to my happiness
- I will learn to value myself the way others value me

I see some changes in how I approach my work, relationships, health, and finances in 2013. I know what I need to do, and I plan to do so. If I set a schedule, I know I'll probably fall behind; if I make specific promises, I know I'll probably fall slightly short.

I figure if I approach it by reminding myself of the big things...the little things have a good chance of falling into place.

I will set monthly goals for myself...and do my best to achieve them. I won't be too hard on myself if I don't always get it quite right. There's still next time.

I'm happy to see 2012 go. I was starting to hope it was all an episode of Dallas, and any minute Pam was going to wake up and find Bobby in the shower.

That's not the case, which is fine. I'm going to tuck the lessons and heartaches and triumphs from 2012 in my pocket, and push forward.

I'm ready for 2013. Bring it.

The God I pray to

Unless you pay this blog undevoted attention, or stalk my foursquare check-ins, you might never guess that I attend a (non-denominational) Christian service every week. I don't really discuss the services with anyone. In fact, I barely even mention that I go, unless it's in passing (if someone asks what I did on Saturday, I might say "I went to church"). I'm certainly not your stereotypical Christian.

One of the messages we get a lot is that we should not be ashamed of our faith. That we should be proud of our relationship with God, and spread his word.

That isn't the only message I've ever heard at church with which I disagree.

Religious people often wonder why others dislike religion so much. Well - as a person who spent most of her adult life shunning religion - I'll tell you: It's because religious people often come across as pompous, arrogant jerks.

I'm not talking about a Pastor. If people know your job is to spread God's message, and they show up to your service, or read your book or your blog, or watch your service on TV - then obviously, they're looking for the message.

I'm not even talking if you share the occasional message on facebook. If you're doing that, your friends know your deal, and they either accept that about you, or they've hidden your updates. Either way - I say rock on.

But even I - someone who actively seeks out God's message - have very little patience for sneak-attack preaching. You know what I mean - sending people links in email, texts with bible versus - particularly those that question my own faith or my own actions.

That's what "non-religious" people dislike about religion. The in-your-face, my-way-is-better attitude is, quite frankly, a turn-off.

See, I don't agree with everything my church says. In fact, there have been several times when, if I hadn't been trapped dead-center of a packed aisle, I would have gotten up and left in the middle of a message.

I think a relationship with God is, to an extent, a relationship with yourself. It's private - and I think it works differently for everyone. I believe in the overall message of my church - helping the community, finding strength through faith, building hope, treating others with kindness. Those are good things, and messages I can get behind.

But a lot of the message is washed in traditional, Christian beliefs - with which I most definitely do not agree.

The God I know is one of love, compassion, and forgiveness. He did not create us to judge or oppress or be unfair to one another. He would not want us to force our personal beliefs on each other. He would want each of us to use our own talents to shape and share His message. He would expect each of us to do that in a way that blends with who He has created us to be.

In other words: He expects the underlying mesage to be the same - but also expects it'll be delivered in different ways by different people.

He would not expect all of us to "preach" or "teach" His word. Some get that calling, and study and learn and then share. But most of us don't know His word well enough. The truth is, His word comes from the Bible, which is really just a collection of stories that are left open to interpretation. So no one is really an "expert." To say you are is to say your relationship with God is stronger or more imporant than someone else's.

There's that pompous arrogance I was talking about.

If you're shoving His word in people's faces when they didn't ask, and using it to pass judgment, then in my opinion, you're actually doing His word a disservice. The God I know would not want us judging one another - because that's His job. The God I know has a personal relationship with each of us, that works in its own way. He knows our heart and our mind and our intentions, and that is what He will use to judge.

Not the opinions of others.

I do and believe in a lot of things that the Bible (supposedly) says I shouldn't. My God created me this way. That is His image of who I am, and staying true to that is how I stay true to Him.

It does not make you right and me wrong. It makes us different. Which is OK - because the God I pray to created both of us that way.

Words shape your life

From NorthwayChurch.tv

It's sort of funny to me how sometimes, the message at church is really appropriate and timely for me, and exactly what I need to hear. Other times, it's just down right eerie.

That's what happened this weekend, when my church started a new series called Words. The message this weekend was about how words can shape your life, and change your direction. At the end of the message, we all wrote down negative words that have been spoken to or about us - and then threw them away, and replaced them with the words God uses to describe us. 

It's a nice thought, and quite powerful. Honestly - I've been struggling a little bit with negative image, and figuring out how to see myself in a positive way, even when I get the opposite message. 

But truth be told, it's hard to use words like "redeemed" or "victorious" to replace words like "fat" or "ugly" and feel like I've come out ahead. I mean, I can be redeemed or victorious all day - it won't change my New Year's Eve situation. 

With regards to relationships, I was recently told that I need to stop with the negative thinking. If I start putting positive thoughts out, I will start getting some positive back.

I was told I need to stop thinking I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or successful enough. I especially need to realize that the right person is going to look at me for my whole person. He will see that I've "got it all going on" - but I have to see that first.

I was told that I need to not assume every guy will be a jerk, and start giving the good ones a chance. I need to start listening to my instincts more, and have more faith in myself.

I guess the message is the same - I need to replace the negative thoughts with more positive, and start seeing myself the way I want others to see me. After all, I can't expect to get positive, good things in my life if I'm not putting out positive, good thoughts. Right? 

I think we're taught too soon, and for too long, to judge ourselves based on what others think. We choose how to dress, what to say, who to like - and more - based on how our choices shape the opinions of others.  

By the time we're old enough to figure out that the opinions of others shouldn't really matter...it's kinda too late to unring the bell. So what's a gal to do? 

I guess I could start by listening to what people who actually like me have to say. They'll tell me I'm pretty, smart, funny, talented, compassionate, generous, thoughtful, sincere...those are some nice words. Plus, I mean, let's face it - I obviously surround myself with the best people. If that's what they're saying...well, there's no way they're all wrong. Right?

Even bigger than listening to those words, is figuring out a way to silence the words of others. To completely discount the opinions of people who don't think I'm any of those things. When someone says or does something that makes me feel less than what I know myself to be...he needs to go. 

I need to remember that I have the option of seeing myself the way he sees me - or the way I know myself to be. Then I need to make the right choice.

Negative words will always be there. I guess the trick is to make sure the positive words are talking louder.

Find your passion

The other day, Joel Osteen posted this status on his facebook page:

If you are going to fulfill your destiny, you must do what God hardwired you to do. Make sure you operate in a realm where you are passionate.

I still say the guy smiles way too much, but I have to admit, a lot of what he says really makes a lot of sense.

My job is what one might consider a career. I've been doing it for over ten years and I'm good at what I do. It is an honest, challenging job that offers me a chance for advancement and growth.

Source

While that's all true - in reality, I'm a little burnt out. It's stressful work, that is either feast or famine. One minute, it's so slow in the office, I swear I hear crickets; the next, I can barely get out of my own way. There can be a lot of pressure, and sometimes my coworkers are just plain annoying.

Truth be told, if I could quit, I probably would. But my job is also a paycheck - and paychecks are a good thing to have, especially when you also have a mortgage. There are other perks; like a ton of vacation, pretty flexible schedule, and the (limited) ability to work from home.

But I'm not what you'd call passionate about my job. I show up, do what I have to do, and leave. I'm often on auto-pilot, and though there are challenges, I don't really seek them out. While I'm interested in doing my best, I'm not looking to do more than what's expected.

I do a little work for myself that I enjoy, and the writing that I do is pure enjoyment. I do find passion in those endeavors, but not the opportunity to really jump in with both feet. But Joel Osteen's comment about "operating in a realm where you are passionate" also got me thinking about the volunteer opportunities I've recently found.

Those will give me the chance to jump right in. The organizations I'm working with all need help now. I have my first volunteer assignment this weekend, and am already working on a mini-event fundraiser for another organization. I also know that the program coordinator at Big Brothers, Big Sisters has been calling my references, and I'm still hopeful I'll be matched soon.

It got me wondering - maybe I'll find my passion here. It may sound a little corny, but I'm very excited at the possibility I might finally be on a path to finding a true meaning and purpose in my life.

I think we all need one.