Girls want to be brides

As soon as they can walk, little girls start playing dress up. One of their favorite dress up games? Wedding.

They start thinking about the dress they want, their favorite flowers. what sort of ring they'll wear - oh, and yeah, if there'll be a guy there or not - long before they ever go on a date or have their first kiss. When we're young, we understand that the dress and the shoes and the jewelry are much more important than the guy. It's not until we get a little older that boys arrive on the scene and screw up our priorities.

So it's not really news that women plan their wedding before they even have a proposal.

Haven't women been doing this for...well...ever? Wasn't there an episode of Friends where Monica dragged out a binder full of wedding ideas she started pulling together when she didn't even have a prom date?

Now, thanks to the magic of the internet and social media, women are pinning their way to the perfect wedding...and none of those pins have anything to do with the groom. 

Some think this makes women desperate. That they're so excited to have the wedding of their dreams, they'll marry the first guy who asks, just for the chance to put their plans in action.

I disagree.

Some women like to plan. They know exactly what they want, and they want to be sure they can put it in place when the time is right. Planning a wonderful wedding takes a while. There are million (give or take) possible ideas - no reason not to make a note-to-self for future reference.

As far as the groom's importance.... Let's face it. A husband might be important to the success of a marriage - but these women aren't planning a marriage. They're planning a wedding.

At the wedding, a groom is really just one more accessory.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Four

The challenge for day twenty four.... What's in your purse.

We talked about this last year, too. The only thing that's really changed is the purse itself.

• Makeup bag
• Wallet
• Phone
• Lip gloss
• Cuticle oil
• Perfume
• Nook
• Eyeglasses 
• Sunglasses
• and maybe a pen

Thirty Days of Me: Day Eleven

The challenge for day eleven... What's in your makeup bag?

"There is no such thing as natural beauty."
Truvie, Steel Magnolias

First, it's important to note: I don't only have one makeup bag. How much makeup I'll need depends on how long I think I'm going to be away from the house. For the purposes of this post, I'm focusing on what is in the makeup bag I take with me everyday.

• Eyeliner (2 colors)
• Eye Primer
• Eye Shadow (for touchups only, not my base colors)
• Blush
• Finishing Powder
• Brushes to apply it all

Jewelry conundrum

I have a ton of jewelry. Mostly costume, some a little pricier. I don't have a ton of real diamonds or semi-precious baubles - I like to change it up too much to spend quite that much of my budget on one item.

I realized the other day that my jewelry was taking over my dresser. I want my things out and easy to grab as I'm running out the door 30 a few minutes late for work - but I don't want my dresser looking like a messy front lawn the day after Christmas; cluttered and sad.

I have a huge jewelry box, but it belonged to my Grandmother and came to me filled with her things. I don't have the heart to part with any of it. I also have a smaller jewelry box, which she gave me - but that's filled. I have an organizer for rings, and one that can hold necklaces.

My most recent kick has been bracelets and big earrings - and my most recent problem is where to store all I've collected. So I bought a small organizer that can double as a jewelry roll for travel. It can also hang on a doorknob or a drawer handle when not on the go. It has tabs to hold bracelets, pockets and holders for earrings and rings, and a teeny-tiny mirror.

Perfect.

I got it home and opened it up, and like any kid with a new toy, I started opening all the compartments. Imagine my surprise when I found a necklace already tucked inside one of the zipper pockets. A bonus, I wondered? Except it can't be - it's labeled for sale, and made by a different company than the organizer. The same company also makes costume jewelry, so I'm sure if they were going to include a give-away, it would be their own product.

At first I thought maybe someone had taken the organizer out of its packaging, and put the necklace inside. To see if it fit? To make it easier to steal? Because they were bored?

Then I looked more closely. The price on the necklace had been crossed out - the way you would if you were giving the necklace as a gift.

So I think someone removed the organizer from its packaging, put the necklace inside, and gave the whole thing as a gift - and the receiver returned it to the store without ever opening it to find the bonus gift.

Exciting! It's a bonus for me!

I guess you could say I unwittingly "stole" this necklace. I mean - I left the store with it, without paying. But the person who gave the gift originally did pay. The person who returned the organizer didn't get the money back for the necklace - so technically, the store isn't out money.

It became a gift to me instead. Right?

Move Monday: Bridesmaids

When the movie Bridesmaids came out last spring, I heard it was everything from average to hilarious. I heard it was a total chick-flick, and it made people laugh out loud. I even heard about how awkward the opening scene can be if you watch it with your parents, or teenage daughter.

What everyone failed to share was how much of a train wreck the movie actually is.

Don't get me wrong - it's a good movie. Well acted, the story is good, the comedy is top-notch, and the story is totally relatable.

In fact - it might be too relatable.

*Spoiler alert - I'm going to describe some scenes, so if you haven't seen the movie, and that bothers you, stop reading.*

I watched the movie last Friday night. I wasn't alone, and I happen to be watching it with a guy. He laughed the whole way through the movie - when Annie gets stuck on the fence during her walk of shame, when the girls get sick whilst wearing couture gowns, when Annie performs a dozen stunts to get the attention of the lovesick cop, and even when she goes nuts on a plane, after a bad combination of medication and alcohol.

He laughed. I cringed. At one point, I think I even looked away. Honestly, I've been less stressed out watching real-life crime stories and slasher films.

"Why?" he asked. "What bothers you so much about this movie?"

I gave that some thought. I mean - the movie is funny. I did laugh a few times, and of course the Hollywood ending made me smile.

It was really the perfect exaggeration of all that is wrong with women, especially when they're competitive and put into a group - and especially when that group is a wedding party. It seems like those situations not only bring every insecurity, irrational worry and fear to the surface - they multiply them by a thousand.

As I was watching the movie, I found myself wondering why Annie would put herself in that situation. Couldn't she see he was using her? Couldn't she see Helen was manipulating her? Couldn't she see how she was making herself look bad?

I was scared and embarrassed for her, and angry with her at the same time. It was like being forced to watch home movies of your own most awkward moments - and then watching live as a friend makes the same mistakes.

Awkward, amusing, nostalgic and frustrating, all at the same time.

That was a lot of stress. I think a nice serial killer movie might be in order to break it up for me.

It's a great movie. I give it four stars - except I don't think I'll ever be able to watch it again. I hope they don't make a sequel.

Movie Monday: Sex and the City

It's Sunday evening, and I have Chinese food for dinner. It's not especially unusual. I did have food here that I could have cooked (which is unusual) but I don't feel well, so I don't really feel like doing the work. So, I ordered myself some lo mein, and set about the task of looking for a movie to complete my takeout experience.

No movies on my very limited TV, and I didn't feel like anything from my netflix queue. So what's the next step? Well I have plenty of movies - but my go-to is always Sex and the City.

I've written before about how much I love this movie. I'm sure it sounds silly, or fake, because to most people, the whole SATC franchise is superficial and frivolous. It's all about over-priced clothes and shoes and sex, and other things that don't really tap into anyone's conscious.

You may be surprised to hear me say see me write that I don't necessarily disagree with that.

In fact - I never even liked the show. But when the movie came out in 2008, my marriage was just beginning to unravel. I was honestly afraid to be home, because I didn't want to be there alone. It was too much of a reminder of all that I was losing, and how little control I had over my own life.

So when my cousins invited me to the movies, I went. It didn't matter what the movie was - honestly, at that point in my life, I'd have probably gone on a fishing trip.

The thing is, if you look past the shoes and the clothes, you'll find the movie (especially this one) is really a story about one woman relying one her friends for strength in times when she needs it most. I suppose to see that, you really need to be in the right mindset - and that night, I was.

Now when I watch the movie, it reminds me that, no matter how weak or sad or vulnerable I might be feeling, I do have a place to go when I need to recharge, and get a boost of strength.

I think we all need that reminder now and then.

Friday Five: Television

I've recently rediscovered television. Ironic, since I also recently canceled all but basic cable. Whatever. I still watch most of my TV via the internet, or on netflix DVD if I'm catching up with a series.

To celebrate my new (old?) fascination with mindless entertainment, I came up with five, fun TV-related questions for your Friday. Go ahead - you weren't working anyway.

Talk about a happy Friday.

1 - What is (currently) your favorite TV show? Toss up between Castle, Criminal Minds and Bones

2 - If you could be on any reality TV show (past or present) which one would it be? The Real World

3 - What TV character (not actor) would you most like to marry? Seeley Booth

4 - What TV mom would you most want for your own? Mrs. C from Happy Days

5 - What was your favorite TV show when you were a teenager? Beverly Hills, 90210

Time out

Ever have one of those days? All the little things go wrong, and then - just when you think you may have survived all those problems - you get one, gigantic kick in the teeth? To make matters worse - the kick came from someone you thought you could trust?

I did. I tried to write a post about it - but my anger kept coming out in my writing, and I couldn't make the post sound like anything other than pure venom. It happens. Be glad you're not him; and if you are him, be glad you're not standing in front of my car. [See what I mean?!]

So, rather than keep that up - I'm putting myself in a time out. I'll be back, when I can play nice with others.

Movie Monday: Drive

What could possibly go wrong?

This weekend's movie came down to Moneyball or Drive. Drive got my ticket dollars because Gosling > Pitt any day of the week.

Unfortunately, I don't think the same can be said for Drive > Moneyball.

Drive is supposed to be the story of a Hollywood stunt-driver who moonlights as a get-away driver. Sounded like a lot of chase scenes and action to me - sort of like the Fast and the Furious movies.

Those are not great movies. The stories are flimsy, the acting is sub-par and the directing is done solely for the purpose of fitting in the chase scenes. But at least those movies are not trying to be something they are not. There's no pretense; you expect chase scenes, fast cars, hot guys and scantily-clad women. The movies deliver.

Drive did not.

It tried too hard to be artsy. The choppy transition from scene to scene, the dark, grainy film, and even the minimal dialogue all wanted desperately to make some sort of statement, or teach a lesson, or send a profound message.

Just drive the car, man.

I wanted action and excitement and a few car crashes. I really didn't get much of that at all - though, about three quarters of the way through the movie, I did start getting some of the most bloody death scenes ever. I had to shut my eyes, so I can't describe any of them, but you've been warned.

The story, acting and direction were all fantastic. The editing was tough, and the story seemed to go on and on...and on and on. And even with all that effort - the movie never delivered the one thing I wanted.

So the bottom line? For a movie about a guy who drives super-fast, Drive took a long time to get where it was going.

* - Slightly better than Open Water

Oh - and if a movie is going to totally rely on Ryan Gosling, he should be shirtless. A lot.

Special shoes

"It's really hard to walk in a single girl's shoes; that's why sometimes, you need really special shoes." Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Seen the episode? Then you know what this post is about. Haven't seen it? Shame on you. Click the link for a detailed summary. Or:

Season 6, Episode 83: A woman's right to shoes

Carrie attends a baby shower where she has to take off her shoes at the door (to protect the carpet), and the shoes go missing. $485 Manolos go missing. The hostess offers to pay Carrie - but chastises her for spending that much on shoes, and won't reimburse her the full price.

Carrie adds up all the gifts she's given this friend over the years. Showers (both baby and wedding) and a wedding gift, totaling far more than $485. Carrie realizes the injustice because there are no celebrations for single gals. No showers when we land a great New Year's Eve date, or a registry whenever we have to remodel our own bathroom. 

How does Carrie handle it? She announces to her friends that she's "marrying herself" - and registers with Manolo. She sends the friend an invitation, with the registry list - containing one item, the shoes she lost. They arrive shortly thereafter, in a perfectly wrapped gift package.

I was talking about this very thing with a couple of friends the other day. Chrissy's kids are fundraising. Preschool and kindergarten - what do kids this small need money for, anyway, I wanna know! (On second thought - no, I don't.)

Think of all the possibilities....

So, there's fundraising "opportunities" flying at me from every direction. I can't buy from one and not the other, and besides - I love these kids. I want to help them, and I want them to feel good, knowing they helped their class and school. But it's only preschool and kindergarten. We have years of this ahead of us. 

And like my other friend pointed out - it won't ever come back to me. I don't have kids, so no matter what, all the birthday and Christmas and graduation and back-to-school presents I purchase, and all the fundraising dollars I contribute won't be reciprocated. 

So I told my friends that I'm going to start registering whenever I have a milestone event. A major birthday, an accomplishment at work, or there's an "opportunity" in my home (aka something needs fixin') - and I'll start sending announcements with registry lists. 

Hey - if it's good enough for Bradshaw, it's good enough for me.

Junk TV

I'm not a huge TV person anymore. In fact, I was watching it so little that a while back, I canceled all but basic cable service (I know, right?!). Occasionally, though - I miss it. Not the news networks, or even regular old network TV.

I miss some of the junk.

Back when I had cable, I was easily engrossed in "reality" television - especially if it followed the lives of celebrities. The Girls Next Door, Keeping Up with the Kardashians and anything involving Bret Michaels trying to get a date were among my favorites. X used to complain that he actually lost IQ points if he sat down to watch with me - but I don't actually think he minded that much. 

Over the weekend, I was visiting family who have cable. They also have two kids, so celeb-reality isn't high on their viewing list. But while it was just me and my cousin for a bit, we turned off Nickelodeon just for a little while. And I found myself unable to turn away from the Kardashians marathon. 

Why? There's absolutely no redeeming qualities about the show. It's like a train-wreck - you know you shouldn't, but you can't help but watch. You just have to see what happens next. 

Is it the celebrity, "star" factor? Is it the supposed "reality" of the show? I suppose there is some appeal in reducing a celeb to regular-person status, and seeing how they live their day-to-day life. Though, it's not all that much different than how we all live - except with more private airplanes and hotel suites. 

I suppose the mindless entertainment is a factor. There's no thinking involved to watch these shows (or to make them, usually). You can just turn it on, and for a little while, you can set your own problems and worries aside, and concentrate on Kim's latest crisis, or Kendra's latest bumble. 

Just don't forget to turn the station at some point.