Paying it forward

I enjoy volunteering, and working on fundraising efforts. Planning can be a little stressful, but it is very rewarding to see something come together, whether it be an event, a campaign, or whatever.

Which is why I enjoy supporting my friends in their fundraising efforts...because I get the reward without all the stress.

My friends Paige (who finally managed to talk me into starting my own Stella & Dot business - giving up one of her own best customers) and Abby are hosting Fashion Night Out - Albany on Thursday, September 12, from 7-10 PM at Taste in Albany.

This exciting night filled with fashion and fun is all to benefit the Alzheimer's Association of Northeastern New York. Tickets for Fashion Night Out are $50, or $75 for a VIP ticket, which gets you a little extra swag. Advanced tickets can be purchased at Albany Style. Come join us on the purple carpet!

From fashion to a 5K....

On Sunday, September 15, my friend Baking Suit invites everyone to participate in Run for Kohl 5K. Hosted by Mohawk Battalion on behalf of 1LT Jon Kohl, who was wounded in a helicopter crash while deployed in Afghanistan earlier this year. The race is being held in his honor, with proceeds benefiting the Wounded Warrior Project, a non-profit whose mission is to honor and empower wounded soldiers.

I'm not a runner, but I'll be helping somehow. First up - letting you all know how to get involved. Visit Run for Kohl for more information.


Do I have cool friends or what?

The truth about my life

One of the best things about Baking Suit is the roughly 8,452 blogs she follows. She finds the best of the internet, and sends it to my inbox. Which is how I came across this post over at A Life Less Bullshit.

The truth is a tricky little thing. It should be simple... but we spend so much time avoiding, denying, or straight-up changing the truth, it becomes kinda hard to recognize.
Eventually, the truth catches up to you, usually at the most unexpected (and least convenient) time. At some point, though, you have to face it - and though that can be a scary thing, it truly is liberating.

When Baking Suit sent me the link, she asked, "What truth would you tell?" I've thought about it...and thought about it...and then thought some more.

The truth is... I am not always happy in my life. Overall I'm happy, every single day. I can always find something to be happy about - and no matter what, I always, always look. But sometimes, it's hard to find a smile.

Lately, money has been my biggest worry. I can blame my financial woes on the economy, or divorce, or taxes - but the truth is, I like to shop. I use it as a distraction from reality and worries and responsibility.

But here's the rub... If money is the worry, shopping is maybe not the best way to manage.

That can lead to more more depression...which, for me, leads to poor eating habits. Sure, my gender, age, and a couple of health issues make weight-loss a challenge.

But the real truth is... I'm an emotional eater. When I'm depressed (as I have been recently), I eat to make myself feel better. Is that a healthy way to approach food? No. Do I know that needs to change. Yes. But it is an added challenge to the whole weight-loss thing. Add that to the fact that I find exercise boring and time-wasting, uncomfortable, and occasionally painful) and the truth is, losing weight is hard.

I know I need to change my truth. First I need to fix the whole money issue, and figure out a way to distract and entertain myself that doesn't involve spending irresponsibly. I need to figure out a way to fix the depression, and that will hopefully be the first step in fixing the eating habits.

I know that won't be easy - but I also know that admitting the truth is necessary, before I can ever hope to make a change. I'm hopeful this is a good start.

At the very least, maybe my truth will help someone else realize she's not the only one who drowns her sorrows in chocolate - or in the shoe department.

Dribs and drabs

When I'm nervous, I talk a lot, and really fast. That's a formula for disaster. When your mouth gets ahead of your brain, there's no telling what you might say.

The rest of the time, I'm quiet. Until I get on a roll. That's confusing sometimes - makes people think I'm dull or have nothing to add. Really, I'm just listening and observing, waiting for my chance to say something helpful, and intelligent.

Sometimes that translates over here...and I'm left with not a lot to blog about. Or at least, nothing that will make a whole post - right now, anyway.

I checked out the NaBloPoMo prompts for April, but the theme is environmental issues (which makes sense for the month). It's important, but not something I can talk about for very long, or particularly well.

I was going to write about my dislike for April Fools Day, and practical jokes. But my comment over on Baking Suit's post and my last tweet pretty much say it all. I just think there are some things that aren't funny - like failing health or marriage. Why does something so awful elicit laughter?

Last week I burned the roof of my mouth, on hot cheese of all things. My mouth is still sore, which is making me cranky.

As I get older, I realize I have less and less desire to spend time with people who make me anything less than happy. This includes my family (all except my dad, whose like the only person on Earth who I always like).

Today is Opening Day for Major League Baseball. Thank goodness. Though there's no Derek (yet) I'm still happy to see the Yankees play. Of course - it looks like we're in for a rough start to the season. Hey - at least there's baseball.

I have decided that by my fortieth birthday (July 15, 2014 - sigh) I would like to have sold my house and moved. I think the next decade of my life needs to start with a new address. Everyone tells me 40 is when life really begins. I'd like my life to begin with a little more money and fewer worries.

Along those lines...my requirements wishlist for an apartment is pretty specific. I found one complex in the area that could give me everything I want - but it'll come at a high cost (basically no less expensive than my mortgage plus other monthly cost of living at the house). Availability will be tight, and of course timing is everything.

Guess we'll see what happens.

Friday five and a fill-in

I want to tell you about Pudge, but I'm not quite ready yet. So in the meantime, a few good things...

I enjoy this blog by Kateri Von Steal. My work browser is a jerk and won't ever let me post comments, so I rarely get to react to what she writes - but you should check it out.

I don't think I say thank you enough to Baking Suit. She's a wonderful friend, sushi date, and shopping partner. Actually, she just makes my life better, period.

Today is my cousin Joey's birthday. For three years, he's been bringing giggles and sunshine into my life. I love him more than I can say. He, his mom and his older brother mean the world to me, and embody what I've come to think of as family.

Amazingly enough, my family was able to make Easter plans with very little drama or confusion. Though I still don't know what time dinner is, at least I know where I'm eating - and that I don't have to (attempt to) cook.

Though it was recently pointed out to me that working for a large corporation is "Satanic" - doing so allows me the ability to volunteer time and money, pursue other endeavors, and buy shoes. It also keeps me from living on the street, or having to rely on anyone else for a place to live or pay my bills. To me, that's a fair trade-off.

And a little fill-in fun...

1. The wind blew wildly and the ocean crashed.
2. Derek and Shemar make me feel warm and happy all over.
3. The smell of coconut makes me think of the beach.
4. When I am feeling lazy I give in.
5. Brilliant purple is my favorite color.
6. The door creaked and a cat came in.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I am looking forward to the gym, tomorrow my plans include a flower show and church, and Sunday I want to give my cousin a happy birthday kiss and eat cake. 

First coffee date

Baking Suit has been doing these coffee date posts, which are kinda cool. She got the idea from over here. What a fun little corner!

Today's coffee date post: Tell me your five favorite beauty products. I'm so glad you asked!

I could spend days in Sephora, if I had the time (and the budget). I've tried a lot of different beauty products. My current faves are:

Stila Silk Shimmer Luxe Gloss - Sunlight
- It has a brush applicator and goes on perfectly, and lasts forever. It also has a pleasant scent, which is nice when something is literally right under your nose.

Stila Custom Color Blush - Self-Adjusting Bronze
- You don't need a lot, it lasts all day, and has a little shimmer which I love.

Lancome Hypnose Star Mascara
- The applicator is perfect for small eyes like mine, it doesn't clump, and it really does make my lashes look better.

Too Faced Natural Eye Neutral Eye Shadow Collection
- Comes with the colors to do three looks - day, classic, and fashion. The real clincher? It comes with instructions (including pictures!) to help you apply the look perfectly.

Urban Decay Eye Shadow Primer - Sin
- Because what's the point of going to all that trouble on your eye shadow if it's not going to last? This will make sure it does.

Honorable Mentions:

Too Faced Better Than False Lashes Nylon Lash Extension System
- This was a treat with a gift card. It really does work, it's just a little time-consuming for most mornings, and it feels funny when it comes off. But while it's on - it's awesome.

Sephora Eye Liner
- You don't need to spend a lot to find a great eye-liner that lasts and applies nicely.

Makeup Forever - Face
- This is the best brand I've found for your face. I'm partial to their HD Perfecting Primer, HD Liquid Foundation, and Duo-Mat Powder Foundation.

By the way....

If you shop Sephora regularly, be sure to sign up for their VIB Rewards Program. It's free to join and you earn points towards free gifts every time you shop. Another tip - shop online when you can. Orders over $50 get free shipping, and they put in all kinds of extra freebies. Plus, if you go through ebates.com, you get 4% cash back on Sephora.com purchases, and ebates will keep track of any coupon codes Sephora has going.

More by the way....

If you like beauty products, I also recommend checking out Birchbox.com. For a nominal fee (I believe it's $10/month) you get a box sent to your doorstep each month, filled with samples of different beauty products. It's how I found Stila in the first place.

I'll admit...

...that I got this idea from Baking Suit

...that I have two posts that have been sitting in draft-stage for weeks, because I keep getting distracted.

...that I probably don't need any more shoes.

...that I'd love to resign from my job, but I'm very attached to the quality of life the salary affords.

...that I should be more careful with my money.

...that I sometimes give in to feelings when I shouldn't.

...that some of my best stories are born from bad ideas.

...that I sometimes know something is a bad idea, but might do it anyway.

...that I can (almost) always handle the consequences when that happens.

...that sometimes, I really don't like when friends offer opinions or advice.

...that I sometimes just want to stay home, eat unhealthy food, and watch stupid TV.

...that sometimes I wish I was the sort of person who could just unplug - but that's just not me.

...that there are some things even I won't admit here.

...that sometimes it feels good to admit things - so feel free to do so below.

Marital advice...from me?

Baking Suit and Frank got married had a picnic with a judge this weekend. Master of Ceremonies GenWar (I definitely recommend you click that link, but maybe you don't click it at work) asked several of us if we would like to participate in the "drunk toast." As he explains, when people have a celebration of any sort, he feels that at least one friend should rise to the challenge of delivering a toast to the happy occasion in a less-than-sober state.

"I don't drink," I protested.

"That's fine. I'll take care of the drunk part," he responded.

Uneasy about the idea, I asked, "What would I say?"

His response? "Well I don't know, but at your birthday party I got to hang out with your ex-husband while he cooked, so I'm assuming you must be doing something right."

After a moment of reflection, I thought, "Somehow, I don't think this is the place or time to offer advice on how to remain friends with an ex spouse."

This exchange lasted for a few minutes, culminating with GenWar stealing my sparkly purple sunglasses and leaving me with his straw hat. I totally chickened out on the speech, because giving happy marital advice to a newly, happily un-married couple at their non-wedding wasn't something I felt I could do on the fly.

But, having had a pretty successful marriage for 9 years (we were married for 10, but that last year really wasn't very good), and having remained friends with said ex-spouse, I figure GenWar might be right (don't tell him I said that). I might have something of value to offer. So, having had a couple days to think it over, this is what I've come up with:

- Stay true to yourselves. Yes, you will both grow and change, and that's OK. Life would be boring if we always stayed the same. You fell in love with each other for who you really are. Stay true to those feelings, and true to who you are - the rest will always work itself out.

Source

- Don't sweat the small stuff. Most of it is small. You're both ridiculously smart, so you'll know the big stuff when it comes. Tackle it head-on, as a team, and you'll be fine.

- Focus on each other. Yeah - family, friends, work, obligations...they're all important. Don't give them up. But at the end of the day, you and you are what matters most. Don't let anyone or anything come between you.

- Be honest. If you're doing something you feel you need to hide from the other person - you need to stop. Immediately.

- Don't discount each other's stuff. No matter how insignificant the other's collection may seem, if it's important to one of you, it should be important to both of you. The same goes for feelings.

- Don't give up what matters to you outside the marriage. Yes, I know, this is a little contrary to the point about focusing on each other, but it's a big part of staying true to yourselves. It's a balancing act. You'll screw it up once or twice, but keep trying and you'll get it right.

- Don't share a bathroom. Trust me - nothing good can come from this.

- Never forget to remember how much better your lives are because they've come together.

When all else fails - find separate corners until you can play nice.

Who, me?

I puffy-pink heart Baking Suit for many, many reasons. Her love of shoes, her sunny way of looking at life, her WTF feature, and the fact that she always brings me baked goods are just a few of my favorite things about this fabulous lady.

One of her favorite bloggers gave her an award....which she has passed on to me. I'm not sure why - but I certainly appreciate the thought!

As a recipient, I agree to:

1. Thank the blogger who gave it to me, and share a link back to her awarding blog. {Done}
2. Name five fabulous moments in my life.
3. Name five things that I love.
4. Name five things that I hate.
5. Pass the award on to five deserving bloggers.

Here we go....

Five Fabulous Moments
* Signing paperwork to purchase my house on my own
* Buying my own car (without a husband or a dad cosigning)
* Hosting a rather successful fundraiser
* Earning my CPCU Designation.
* The moment I realized I had an awful lot to live for, and I could do this on my own.

Five Things I Love (Like Baking Suit, my list does not include family, friends, or kitties, which are all givens)
* Chocolate
* Derek Jeter
* Sushi
* Shemar Moore
* Shopping

Five Things I Hate
* Ignorance
* Cooked Carrots
* Animal Cruelty
* Bigotry or discrimination of any kind
* Spelling and grammatical errors

Five Deserving Bloggers (To whom I'm passing on this award)
* Amanda
* DerryX
* Angela
* Stephanie
* Girl's Got Shine
(I spend a lot of time at timesunion.com/blogs when I should be working!)

Hello, my name is...

"Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be." Sex and the City

In the car yesterday afternoon, I was thinking about how surprised people seem to be when they learn that Rock is a) my real last name (people often think it's made up) and b) my married last name - and I'm not married anymore.

I was trying to decide if I should write about the decision, and the apparent and unexpected fall-out, and the my friend Baking Suit posted this last week.. This is apparently a case of great minds thinking alike - and thus, this post was born.

I graduated college in 1996, engaged but not yet married. My last name was Ginett. Gi pronouned like give, nett prounounced like net. Prior to the commencement ceremony, graduates were asked to hand in an index card with our name written as we would like it pronounced as we walked across the stage. I wrote my name out; then I provided a phonetic spelling; then I provided examples of the correct pronunciation. My index card was given to an English professor with a PhD.

Who misprounounced my last name as I was handed my diploma.

I could not wait to get married and get rid of that last name. I love my family, and they are largely responsible for who I am as a person. But I wanted to be a Rock. Two years later, I would be.

Anyone who says that marriage doesn't change who you are has either never been married, or is living in a perpetual state of denial. I don't care how self-aware you are, if you lived together first, or what - being married changes you. Even just a teeny bit.

Since I married young, that was even more true for me. I hadn't even come into my own when I walked down the aisle, so I did a whole lotta changing in the ten years that followed.

Unfortunately, I learned that there was one thing that could change me more than marriage: Divorce. Four years later, I am most definitely not the same person I was when I got married, or even when the marriage started to end. But I am also not the same person who so happily marched down to the Social Security Office in July 1998 to begin the process of changing from a Ginett to a Rock.

So who the hell am I? Should I still be Sue Rock? Or go back to being Sue Ginett?

There was a time when I planned to change my name as soon as the ink was dry on my divorce papers. Of course that was also when I was angry with X, and dragging furniture to the end of the driveway on my own in a fit of...well....rage. Anger makes people do stupid things. I didn't need that bookcase, but I am very glad I didn't make any more lasting decisions while in that state of mind.

After things calmed down, and X and I started to develop a friendship, I saw things differently. Here are the factors that ultimately influenced my decision to keep my married name:

* Paperwork - I freaking hate it. Though it isn't terribly complicatd to legally change your name, getting it changed on bills, accounts, and even important documents (like the other diploma I received in 2008) is just a lot of work that I really don't want.

* Professional Branding - I'd already started blogging, networking, and other work, under this name. Changing it seemed like more of a hassle. Not to mention - Rock is just a cooler name than Ginett. Sorry, Dad - but it's true.

* Personal Branding - Most of my closest friends know me as Sue Rock (with a few exceptions). They'd probably keep referring to me that way, even if my name did change. So what's the point?

* Family Ties - X doesn't have a lot of family. My family loved him as though he was their own, and he loved them too. I can't speak for him, but I still consider X a part of my family (and I know my family feels the same). I feel like it's nice for him to have at least one other Rock around.

The bottom line is this: I came into who I am as a person with the last name Rock. It more closely identifies with who I am today, and I like the name. It's mine; I earned it, and I'm keeping it. So there.

Now, are there any circumstances under which I'd consider changing my name? I can think of only two:

Sue Jeter - has a nice ring, dontcha think?

* If X got remarried - Out of respect for the new Mrs. Rock, I might change my name, if it mattered to either of them. I doubt that it would (I'm not a Mrs., I'm a Ms., so she'd still be the only Mrs. X Rock around). But I'd be gracious enough to at least consider the change.

* If I got remarried - If I knew then what I know now, I'd never have changed my name in the first place - but I can't unring that bell. Still, I'd understand if my imaginary-future-husband (or as I like to call him, Derek) was uncomfortable with the idea that his wife's name was given to her by her ex-husband.

In that case, would I change my name to his, or just go back to my maiden name? I'm not sure. But I do know if I ever do this again, it will be the last time.

Anything to keep the paperwork to a minimum.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Eighteen

The challenge for day eighteen.... Something you crave a lot.

Well, that's a loaded question.

In no particular order...

Sushi
Chocolate
Caffeine
New Shoes
Mexican (ummm...food)
Sun
Peanut Butter

....and occasionally, now I crave exercise. I blame Baking Suit.

I'd rather

I stole this from Baking Suit, who borrowed from here.

Because while I love fun posts like these, I'm terrible at thinking them up. So I'd rather borrow ideas from elsewhere, then give credit where it's due.

Right now, I’d rather:

* Not be at work
** Have sushi for lunch, instead of leftovers
*** My shoes were slightly more comfortable

Tomorrow, I’d rather:

* Sleep in
** It not rain
*** Be going to see the Yankees play the Mets

In general, I’d rather:

* Life was slightly easier
** I liked vegetables more than I do
*** People were more honest