A jar full

I came across a post from last year in which I wrote a few "goals" (because resolutions never work for me) for 2015. Thought it would be fun to see how I did.

• Get a promotion (check - November 1)

• Earn a new designation (whoops)

• Travel to someplace I haven't been (check - a fun trip to Fenway Park in July and a lovely trip to Maine in August)

• Learn to make something in my crock pot (check - I made Buffalo Chicken Dip and chili for a party a few weeks ago)

• Add to my "Rememberlutions Jar" each day (check - not every day, but it's full)

• Self-publish a book (I started it, then  got distracted)

• Less searching and worrying (check - though this is a work in progress)

• More faith that things will work out on their own (check - also a work in progress)

• Napping - because napping is important (check)

• Make a few mistakes (check)

Make mistakes? I added that to a list of goals? The point was if you're not making mistakes, you're not trying anything new. I was telling myself to not be afraid of new people, places, or experiences, no matter how great the risk might seem.

For years, I've been afraid to trust anyone with my heart. I was afraid to let anyone in, because I'd been so hurt in the past. This was one mistake I wasn't willing to risk.

I thought the only way I'd ever let anyone in my life was on my terms - no compromise, no change. That way, I was in complete control and couldn't be hurt. No risk.

If you'd asked me last December if I was willing to set aside all my rules and deal breakers, let go of my worry, take a huge leap of faith, and let someone in - I would have said no.

But I did - and that one risk has brought more light, joy, happiness, and love to my life than I ever thought possible.

Now I'm looking forward to filling a jar for next year with even better adventures, places, and fun.

Here's to 2016 - and another jar full of mistakes!

Slammed doors

Since my family's favorite holiday traditions of nagging and guilt have already started, I wanted to share my thoughts on gratitude now - while I still feel somewhat friendly and sentimental.

If I've learned anything in the last few years, it's that blessings are everywhere, even if they aren't always obvious. Sometimes what seems like missed opportunity is actually redirection towards something so much better. Sometimes, God slams a door shut because we are not smart enough to close it on our own.

There was a time when I thought my life would never be good, because it could never be what I wanted. I tried feeling sorry for myself - turns out, that doesn't really work. So I set out to make the best of what I could with what I had left. It didn't work right away, and at times I got discouraged. What I came to realize was that time wasn't being wasted - it just takes a long time and a lot of patience to build an amazing life full of joy and hope.

When I think about where I was even a year ago, I realize that if I had gotten everything I thought I wanted, I would have missed out on something so much better.

Sometimes, the most painful lessons are the biggest blessings. We have to hurt to understand what we really need. We have to go through loss to find what really matters. We have to be forced to change to figure out what we were doing wrong. But once you accept those lessons and open your heart to the possibility that you don't know everything... wonderful, amazing things happen.

This year, when asked why I am thankful, my answer will be:

I am thankful that God helped me see what I was doing wrong. I am thankful that He gave me friends who could help me navigate the loss, and make the changes I needed. But most of all, I am so very thankful that He slammed that door shut.

Always something

Have you ever heard someone say, "It's always something."

In my experience, it's usually an older woman, and she's usually shaking her head when she says the words. She usually just got bad news for herself, or heard a family member telling a sad story of his own.

I'm never really sure if she is saying it because she empathizes with someone going through a difficult time - or because she doesn't really care, but has nothing else to say, and feels like she needs to say something.

I heard it the other day, and I found myself wondering - why don't I hear people saying "it's always something" when they get good news or hear a happy story? Or is it just that some people always see the bad?

Like, if I tell them how I had a really nice weekend, that was quiet and peaceful. Or how I was able to hang out with Joe, enjoy my deck, and even get a little sun. Or if I share how canceled Friday plans turned into a lovely Sunday night. Or about my geat Sunday afternoon nap. Or even how when a few people did bug me, it was comical and I was able to laugh.

I'm sure some people would hear all that and think, "Oh that poor girl - she spent a weekend alone, getting stood up and napping with her cat! And a few people bothered her...I guess there's always something."

When the truth is, there really is always something - to be thankful for.

Goodbye, dear friend

Last week, I said goodbye to a dear friend. I've known her since she was born, almost 16 years ago.

I held her when she was a baby, and I held her the day she passed away.

In between, she stood by me as we moved from one apartment to another and another - and finally to a house, her last home. There was that one time she tried to hide in the cupboard, but she came out when I asked.

She knew me when I got married...and she knew me when X left. She watched him leave, and has greeted him at the door countless times since, when he would come to visit. She only ever tried to poop on him or scratch him when he was trying to wash her or trim her nails. There was the time he gave her a cold, but I think she forgave him for that long ago.

When I was sad, she would sit in my lap. When I was sick, she would lick my hand. When I messed up, she still loved me. Even that time I put the Santa hat on her, and she got it caught on her head. She stood still so I could take a photo (I helped her right after, I swear).

People think when you have a cat, you're a pet owner. I don't consider myself an owner, mostly because I don't consider my pets possessions. I own a pair of shoes - pets are my family. They're four-legged, furry kids who depend on me for food, shelter, water, and care. They look to me for guidance, love, safety and strength.

How do they repay? With unconditional love and friendship - something no person I've ever met can give.

Goodbye, dear friend. You will always be loved, and you will always be missed. I promise your ashes will always sit under the Christmas tree.

Found it here

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

It's been a while

I haven't been around in a while. Truth be told I was going through some stuff...and work was busy...and then I found West Wing on netflix and the whole thing fell apart.

(For Christmas, X bought me a blu-ray player that streams netflix, among other things. Genius.)

Also, I've been hoping I'd be able to move this little corner of the internet over to the Times Union's corner, so though I was working on some posts, I kinda wanted to save them in case that came to fruition. It hasn't (yet, anyway). I'm sure when/if it does, I'll have something to say.

I was going to do the NaBloPoMo February prompts to get myself back in the groove - but the theme is love and sex, which I don't talk about too much (here, anyway). Maybe I'll do March over here - but in the meantime...


found it here


...back to why I've been gone.

December and (much of) January were not easy. Did you ever have someone in your life who dragged you down? But you really like this person, so you were determined to keep him in your life because darn it, you can make anything work? Who you don't want to walk out on because he needs you, and you don't want to be the bad friend who wasn't there to help?

That was my December and January.

It took a lot of soul-searching and crying and guilt (stupid Catholic upbringing) but I finally figured out that it was OK for me to look out for myself. I remembered that it is perfectly acceptable to protect my own happiness and my own self-esteem (and frankly, my own safety), and doing so does not make me a bad person or friend. I reminded myself that it's better to be alone for the right reasons, then with someone for the wrong reasons.

So I drew a line in the sand a couple of weeks ago and said no more. No more tears, no more heartbreak, no more putting my life on hold waiting for something that was never going to happen.

I realized what I really want is better - and better is what I really deserve.

On my heart

I am not making resolutions this year - but I am writing a few things on my heart.

Found it here.

- I will not let the problems of others bring me down
- I will thank God each day for all that I have
- I will remember to tell my friends how important they are, and how much I love them
- I will approach each day as though it will be the best day of the year - because it just may be
- I will surround myself only with people who add to my happiness
- I will learn to value myself the way others value me

I see some changes in how I approach my work, relationships, health, and finances in 2013. I know what I need to do, and I plan to do so. If I set a schedule, I know I'll probably fall behind; if I make specific promises, I know I'll probably fall slightly short.

I figure if I approach it by reminding myself of the big things...the little things have a good chance of falling into place.

I will set monthly goals for myself...and do my best to achieve them. I won't be too hard on myself if I don't always get it quite right. There's still next time.

I'm happy to see 2012 go. I was starting to hope it was all an episode of Dallas, and any minute Pam was going to wake up and find Bobby in the shower.

That's not the case, which is fine. I'm going to tuck the lessons and heartaches and triumphs from 2012 in my pocket, and push forward.

I'm ready for 2013. Bring it.

Material girl

I'll admit it - I like stuff. If you know me well enough to have ever been in my house, that is not a surprise. I have a crap-ton of stuff - decorations, furniture, clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry... The list goes on and on - and on.

I suppose some people think that makes me materialistic. Well, I don't suppose - I know some people see me that way. Which is perfectly fine - stuff makes me happy, and I'm not ashamed. I guess the only thing I don't like is the implication that somehow makes me a bad person.

Dictonary.com defines Materialistic as:

Excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of material things, rather than spiritual, intellectual, moral, or cultural values.

See, what I object to is the idea that you have to choose between wanting nice things, and being a good person. Am I "excessively concerned" with my jewelry collection? Some might say so. But it's not like I'd sell a person into human trafficking to support my Stella & Dot habit. If I had to choose between making a donation to a worthy cause or shopping at Sephora - I'd probably alternate back and forth. Sort of a one for you, one for me kinda thing.

I may like "stuff" but I am very aware that it is not the most important thing in the world. I take good care of my shoes and clothes because I love them. But if I woke to find my house on fire, I'd grab my cats and get out of there - because in the end, I know stuff can always be replaced.

Without a doubt, volunteering is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I maintain healthy relationships with friends; I don't lie, I give advice or help where it's needed, and I'm polite. I go to church, where I'm reminded about what really matters. I read and keep up on what is going on in the world, which makes me very aware how lucky I am to be in a position to offer help to others, rather than needing to ask for help myself.

I know it's important to keep my spiritual, moral, cultural, and intellectual values in check. I know it's important to do what I can to make the world a better place. No one can fix everything, but we can all fix something.

I just don't see any reason why I can't be wearing cute shoes and earrings while I'm doing my share of the fixing.

NaBloPoMo - Favorite pet

Real pet owners are like parents - we don't choose favorites.

Source

When I'm asked if I have any pets, I usually say that, yes, I have three - two cats who live with me, and a dog who lives in heaven.

Remy was always happy to see me, and I don't think I ever came into our home when he didn't greet me. He loved me even when I let water boil over on the stove, or didn't make the bed, or grabbed clothes out of the hamper because I didn't feel like putting laundry away.

He curled up next to me when I was sick, or scared, or sad. He kept me warm in the winter - and was the best excuse I ever had for turning on the AC in the summer.

Remy wasn't like other dogs. He didn't like to go for walks. He never wanted to run outside, or dig in the yard. Mostly, he wanted to hang out on the sofa and watch movies or sports on TV. He let the cats play and jump and even lick him and lay on him. He ate when he was supposed to, never complained, and only had a handful of accidents in his 14+ years.

He had his own personality. He knew when he was in trouble. He knew that even though X was immune to the puppy-dog eyes - I was not. He would get upset when our schedules changed, and we would come home later, or be gone more - and he wasn't afraid to show his displeasure.

Remy's love was unconditional. He didn't see flaws or mistakes or excuses. He saw the good in everyone who passed through our door. I've never had a more devoted, happy, laid-back, or well-adjusted friend. I miss him every day.

Remy taught me what kind of person I want to be. I'm grateful he always thought I already was that person.

NaBloPoMo - Life changes

I feel like I've been in a constant state of change for the last four years. Divorce isn't easy; neither is transitioning to a new job after more than nine years because of a buy-out. Buying a house and a new car on your own are also pretty stressful.

And that was just the first eight months.

It's taken me this long, but I've recently been feeling like I'm finally turning a corner.

About a week ago, I had my tarot cards read. The cards showed that every aspect of my life is in a season of change and growth. They showed a recent loss that forced my hand, and triggered a lot of very positive choices and opportunities.

The cards also showed that a lot of this change is out of my control, and does not look the way I was expecting. They correctly predicted that this is intimidating to me. But - they also showed that if I keep myself open to the changes, there's a lot of good opportunities in every aspect of my future.

That's all good news. I suppose if I had to pick one area of my life that I'd really like to change, it would be relationships. I honestly hate to admit that here, but if I feel like I'd be lying if I said anything else, and I'd hate lying even more.

I'm not talking about a superficial change, like I'd really like a date for New Year's Eve (though that's true enough). I'm looking for a fundamental change; a complete overhaul of how I view  and manage relationships, and how I fit them into my life.

I want to figure out (and accept) the sort of relationship that I want. Then I want to learn how to make choices that will get me where I want to be.

The problem with changing this part of my life is ultimately, it is outside my control. I can make all the good choices I want; I still can't force the right person to walk into my life, fall hopelessly in love, and then live happily ever after with me.

I suppose the thing to do is concentrate on the things that are within my control. Like - just what does my happily ever after look like, anyway?

I'm working on it.

NaBloPoMo - Where to live

"If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"

It's a popular question, and people love to come up with fancy answers that they think sound cool. A big city like Manhattan or Paris, or a cabin in the woods, or somewhere warm or tropical.

The truth is, at some point in our lives, we all have the chance to make this exact choice become a reality. Maybe it's right out of school, or just after marriage, or after a divorce or another life change. At some point, we can all decide to change it up, and move away from wherever it is we landed.

I chose to stay right in the same place. My dad is here, and X and I made our home here to be close to him. I could move now - but I haven't, and I have no plans.

Could that change? Of course. I might move for my career; truthfully, the most likely reason I'd ever move would be if I found the love of my life, and had to move to be with him.

But at this very moment, I could choose to live anywhere I want - and I choose right where I am.

Words shape your life

From NorthwayChurch.tv

It's sort of funny to me how sometimes, the message at church is really appropriate and timely for me, and exactly what I need to hear. Other times, it's just down right eerie.

That's what happened this weekend, when my church started a new series called Words. The message this weekend was about how words can shape your life, and change your direction. At the end of the message, we all wrote down negative words that have been spoken to or about us - and then threw them away, and replaced them with the words God uses to describe us. 

It's a nice thought, and quite powerful. Honestly - I've been struggling a little bit with negative image, and figuring out how to see myself in a positive way, even when I get the opposite message. 

But truth be told, it's hard to use words like "redeemed" or "victorious" to replace words like "fat" or "ugly" and feel like I've come out ahead. I mean, I can be redeemed or victorious all day - it won't change my New Year's Eve situation. 

With regards to relationships, I was recently told that I need to stop with the negative thinking. If I start putting positive thoughts out, I will start getting some positive back.

I was told I need to stop thinking I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or successful enough. I especially need to realize that the right person is going to look at me for my whole person. He will see that I've "got it all going on" - but I have to see that first.

I was told that I need to not assume every guy will be a jerk, and start giving the good ones a chance. I need to start listening to my instincts more, and have more faith in myself.

I guess the message is the same - I need to replace the negative thoughts with more positive, and start seeing myself the way I want others to see me. After all, I can't expect to get positive, good things in my life if I'm not putting out positive, good thoughts. Right? 

I think we're taught too soon, and for too long, to judge ourselves based on what others think. We choose how to dress, what to say, who to like - and more - based on how our choices shape the opinions of others.  

By the time we're old enough to figure out that the opinions of others shouldn't really matter...it's kinda too late to unring the bell. So what's a gal to do? 

I guess I could start by listening to what people who actually like me have to say. They'll tell me I'm pretty, smart, funny, talented, compassionate, generous, thoughtful, sincere...those are some nice words. Plus, I mean, let's face it - I obviously surround myself with the best people. If that's what they're saying...well, there's no way they're all wrong. Right?

Even bigger than listening to those words, is figuring out a way to silence the words of others. To completely discount the opinions of people who don't think I'm any of those things. When someone says or does something that makes me feel less than what I know myself to be...he needs to go. 

I need to remember that I have the option of seeing myself the way he sees me - or the way I know myself to be. Then I need to make the right choice.

Negative words will always be there. I guess the trick is to make sure the positive words are talking louder.

Marital advice...from me?

Baking Suit and Frank got married had a picnic with a judge this weekend. Master of Ceremonies GenWar (I definitely recommend you click that link, but maybe you don't click it at work) asked several of us if we would like to participate in the "drunk toast." As he explains, when people have a celebration of any sort, he feels that at least one friend should rise to the challenge of delivering a toast to the happy occasion in a less-than-sober state.

"I don't drink," I protested.

"That's fine. I'll take care of the drunk part," he responded.

Uneasy about the idea, I asked, "What would I say?"

His response? "Well I don't know, but at your birthday party I got to hang out with your ex-husband while he cooked, so I'm assuming you must be doing something right."

After a moment of reflection, I thought, "Somehow, I don't think this is the place or time to offer advice on how to remain friends with an ex spouse."

This exchange lasted for a few minutes, culminating with GenWar stealing my sparkly purple sunglasses and leaving me with his straw hat. I totally chickened out on the speech, because giving happy marital advice to a newly, happily un-married couple at their non-wedding wasn't something I felt I could do on the fly.

But, having had a pretty successful marriage for 9 years (we were married for 10, but that last year really wasn't very good), and having remained friends with said ex-spouse, I figure GenWar might be right (don't tell him I said that). I might have something of value to offer. So, having had a couple days to think it over, this is what I've come up with:

- Stay true to yourselves. Yes, you will both grow and change, and that's OK. Life would be boring if we always stayed the same. You fell in love with each other for who you really are. Stay true to those feelings, and true to who you are - the rest will always work itself out.

Source

- Don't sweat the small stuff. Most of it is small. You're both ridiculously smart, so you'll know the big stuff when it comes. Tackle it head-on, as a team, and you'll be fine.

- Focus on each other. Yeah - family, friends, work, obligations...they're all important. Don't give them up. But at the end of the day, you and you are what matters most. Don't let anyone or anything come between you.

- Be honest. If you're doing something you feel you need to hide from the other person - you need to stop. Immediately.

- Don't discount each other's stuff. No matter how insignificant the other's collection may seem, if it's important to one of you, it should be important to both of you. The same goes for feelings.

- Don't give up what matters to you outside the marriage. Yes, I know, this is a little contrary to the point about focusing on each other, but it's a big part of staying true to yourselves. It's a balancing act. You'll screw it up once or twice, but keep trying and you'll get it right.

- Don't share a bathroom. Trust me - nothing good can come from this.

- Never forget to remember how much better your lives are because they've come together.

When all else fails - find separate corners until you can play nice.

Hello, my name is...

"Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be." Sex and the City

In the car yesterday afternoon, I was thinking about how surprised people seem to be when they learn that Rock is a) my real last name (people often think it's made up) and b) my married last name - and I'm not married anymore.

I was trying to decide if I should write about the decision, and the apparent and unexpected fall-out, and the my friend Baking Suit posted this last week.. This is apparently a case of great minds thinking alike - and thus, this post was born.

I graduated college in 1996, engaged but not yet married. My last name was Ginett. Gi pronouned like give, nett prounounced like net. Prior to the commencement ceremony, graduates were asked to hand in an index card with our name written as we would like it pronounced as we walked across the stage. I wrote my name out; then I provided a phonetic spelling; then I provided examples of the correct pronunciation. My index card was given to an English professor with a PhD.

Who misprounounced my last name as I was handed my diploma.

I could not wait to get married and get rid of that last name. I love my family, and they are largely responsible for who I am as a person. But I wanted to be a Rock. Two years later, I would be.

Anyone who says that marriage doesn't change who you are has either never been married, or is living in a perpetual state of denial. I don't care how self-aware you are, if you lived together first, or what - being married changes you. Even just a teeny bit.

Since I married young, that was even more true for me. I hadn't even come into my own when I walked down the aisle, so I did a whole lotta changing in the ten years that followed.

Unfortunately, I learned that there was one thing that could change me more than marriage: Divorce. Four years later, I am most definitely not the same person I was when I got married, or even when the marriage started to end. But I am also not the same person who so happily marched down to the Social Security Office in July 1998 to begin the process of changing from a Ginett to a Rock.

So who the hell am I? Should I still be Sue Rock? Or go back to being Sue Ginett?

There was a time when I planned to change my name as soon as the ink was dry on my divorce papers. Of course that was also when I was angry with X, and dragging furniture to the end of the driveway on my own in a fit of...well....rage. Anger makes people do stupid things. I didn't need that bookcase, but I am very glad I didn't make any more lasting decisions while in that state of mind.

After things calmed down, and X and I started to develop a friendship, I saw things differently. Here are the factors that ultimately influenced my decision to keep my married name:

* Paperwork - I freaking hate it. Though it isn't terribly complicatd to legally change your name, getting it changed on bills, accounts, and even important documents (like the other diploma I received in 2008) is just a lot of work that I really don't want.

* Professional Branding - I'd already started blogging, networking, and other work, under this name. Changing it seemed like more of a hassle. Not to mention - Rock is just a cooler name than Ginett. Sorry, Dad - but it's true.

* Personal Branding - Most of my closest friends know me as Sue Rock (with a few exceptions). They'd probably keep referring to me that way, even if my name did change. So what's the point?

* Family Ties - X doesn't have a lot of family. My family loved him as though he was their own, and he loved them too. I can't speak for him, but I still consider X a part of my family (and I know my family feels the same). I feel like it's nice for him to have at least one other Rock around.

The bottom line is this: I came into who I am as a person with the last name Rock. It more closely identifies with who I am today, and I like the name. It's mine; I earned it, and I'm keeping it. So there.

Now, are there any circumstances under which I'd consider changing my name? I can think of only two:

Sue Jeter - has a nice ring, dontcha think?

* If X got remarried - Out of respect for the new Mrs. Rock, I might change my name, if it mattered to either of them. I doubt that it would (I'm not a Mrs., I'm a Ms., so she'd still be the only Mrs. X Rock around). But I'd be gracious enough to at least consider the change.

* If I got remarried - If I knew then what I know now, I'd never have changed my name in the first place - but I can't unring that bell. Still, I'd understand if my imaginary-future-husband (or as I like to call him, Derek) was uncomfortable with the idea that his wife's name was given to her by her ex-husband.

In that case, would I change my name to his, or just go back to my maiden name? I'm not sure. But I do know if I ever do this again, it will be the last time.

Anything to keep the paperwork to a minimum.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Five

The challenge for day twenty five.... Something that you miss.

I thought and thought about this challenge. The truth is....as much as I like my things, I don't miss things. In life, I think things come and go, and are easily replaced.

Sure, some things carry a sentimental value, which is irreplaceable. But even if you lose a sentimental item, those feelings and memories aren't lost. Eventually, I think you find you don't really need the item to hold onto the memory.

So what do I miss? People. I have a terrible time letting go of people in my life.

They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I do believe that...and I know there are people who've come into my life who weren't meant to stay forever. But that doesn't make them any less important.

In fact, sometimes those "reason or season" people are the most important, and bring the most good and the most happiness. Then suddenly - they're gone.

I never take it well. Eventually, I come to terms with what is, and accept that these weren't "forever" people. I accept it - but sometimes, I still miss them.

I've never been good at goodbye.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Sixteen

The challenge for day sixteen.... A photo of you and your family.

Last year, I showed three photos, all of me with my closest family members in various combinations.

My family hasn't really changed. I still believe that family is what you make it. No, we can't change blood ties. But the truth is, family is about more than just shared DNA. It's about who you turn to when you need something; who you can depend on; who you trust; who you love.

I have a lot of family that I've chosen. Here are a few of them.

She's my cousin - but not really. Long story.
She's also one of my absolute favorite people on this planet.
When my heart was broken, and all I could do was cry, she was right there for me.
That's family.

He's her son. He's the light in my eye. Always.

He's her younger son.
OK - I'm not in this photo. But I took it.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Seven

The challenge for day seven.... Your dream wedding.

Seriously? 

It's as likely as any other wedding in my future.
If you're gonna dream - I say, dream big.

Sorta-wordless Wednesday

Not really wordless...but they're someone else's words, that I just find absolutely inspirational. Seems we could all use these reminders now and then.

A good friend pointed out that I accidentally scheduled my sorta-wordless post for Tuesday.

So, not only is it sorta-wordless - it's also Sorta-Wednesday! Bonus!

You're welcome.

The nicest thing

There are a lot of nice things someone can say to you.

• You look nice today.
• I really like that hairstyle.
• I love that outfit.
• You did a great job on that project.
• I love how you decorate your house!
• Your kids are so cute/well-behaved.
• Your cats are precious. 
• What would you like for Christmas/your birthday?

I could go on. But by far, the nicest thing I think a person can say to you - especially when it's sincere - is: 

Are you losing weight?

So to the person who said that to me this weekend - you're the best. It won't be forgotten.

I've still got a long way to go, but it's nice to know I'm on the way.

Valentine's Day

Love is a beautiful thing. Not just romantic love, or new love, or exciting love. Love, in any form, is something special, and worth celebrating.

If you're lucky enough to have someone you can count on no matter what...someone who helps without judgment or reservation....you're lucky enough to celebrate.

Whether that person is a significant other, a best friend, a sibling, a parent, a cousin, a coworker... whoever he or she is, make sure you reach out and let him know how grateful you are for the love in your life.

You don't have to be in love to know love.

And you don't need to wait for today to celebrate - but we can all use a reminder now and then.

Recovering Catholic

At church on Sunday, the sermon was about fear. The Pastor was talking about how people with different fears don't have to live that way; that they are only in that situation (one of fear) because they have lost God's way.

I started shaking my head.

Later on, I explained that I was shaking my head at the examples. One in particular - a single woman who becomes pregnant unexpectedly - really got to me. "It sounds judgmental," I said. To me, that sounds like the Pastor is saying - see, you lost the way. You didn't do things the right way, and now you're in trouble.

Like it's a punishment or something, and only happens to bad people.

That is something that has always annoyed me about religion - some more than others. The idea that there are certain rules, and if you don't live by them, you're nothing but trouble.

But maybe - just maybe - that's not the message.

It was suggested to me that the message is one of faith and hope. That if you're in a situation and feeling fear, you're only feeling that way because you're not turning to God - you've lost his way. If you find him, and accept his grace rather than fearing him, he will take those fears for you - and you won't have to be afraid anymore.

If that's true, then I stand corrected. The message wasn't harsh or judgmental, but rather helpful and full of peace. Give your fears over to God; let him help you through the difficult times. You don't have to feel fear, and you won't, if you remember you can turn to Him.

That's actually a nice message. It's one I could get behind.

It was suggested that I might have a "chip on my shoulder" from my experience with the Catholic Church. That maybe I'm so jaded by the feeling of judgment and guilt that the Church supports, that I'm cynical whenever I hear a message from a Christian.

OK - that might be true. I'm willing to admit that I might have a skewed perception of religion - any religion - and that any messages I hear are clouded. I still think one has to be careful, and question what's presented. That we should discuss and dissect, and try to understand messages thoroughly, rather than just taking them at face value.

I guess maybe that's what is meant by the term Recovering Catholic. Just a person trying to get past the jaded view of someone who was taught she was all kinds of wrong, and find the message of peace and hope and love that we all want so badly in our lives.