tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79391653684303347692024-03-14T02:42:42.457-04:00Not the Life I Ordered....40 seems like a good place to start - again.Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.comBlogger667125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-16267066363739207582020-10-11T21:32:00.001-04:002020-10-11T21:32:14.872-04:00Daily battleI missed posting on #WorldMentalHealthDay because I was busy getting married. It was a picture-perfect day, and could easily shape this into a post about fighting through the bad times to get to the good times.<br><br>But even more important is how, even in the good times, mental health is a work in progress. Days before our celebration I was stressed about changes to COVID protocols, changes to our guest list, and work. Then, a storm hit and my power went out, stressing me even more. <br><br>Two days before my wedding, I was so anxious, I had to take an Alprazolam (on top of daily medication) just to relax. I slept all day and did not eat or drink a thing. My mood swung from happy, everything is fine to inconsolable anger and tears. <br><br>It was bad.<br><br>When you have an anxiety disorder, the smallest bump can seem like the tallest mountain. Your reactions barely make sense to you, never mind those around you.<br><br>Through counseling, prayer, and yes, medication, I definitely handle it better than I once did. But it's a daily battle, and one I know I can't - and shouldn't - do alone.<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_bodytext_201011_212140_921.sdocx--><div><br></div><div>It'd be so easy to avoid stress. No stress, no anxiety. But, no stress also means no change, no growth, no unbelievably happy moments filled with indescribable joy. </div><div><br></div><div>That's no way to live.</div><div><br></div><div>If you're going through a tough time, don't get down on yourself. The stress just means you're growing, learning, and headed toward something better. While you're going through it, look around. Those people by your side? Those are your people.</div><div><br></div><div>They'll help get you through.</div><div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1XFXaEGMJ-U/X4OyHegGcpI/AAAAAAAAR3Q/5Vz3i2KPdkk1Das9vZfViOZLRwD8OKLgwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/44530.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style=" margin-right: 1em;margin-left: 1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1XFXaEGMJ-U/X4OyHegGcpI/AAAAAAAAR3Q/5Vz3i2KPdkk1Das9vZfViOZLRwD8OKLgwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/44530.jpeg" border="0" data-original-width="618" data-original-height="824" width="144" height="192" class=" " title="" alt=""></a></div></div><div><br></div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-52097478318506953122020-05-28T11:07:00.001-04:002020-05-28T14:08:32.853-04:00Quick to thinkI lost a dear friend to COVID-19. She had a compromised immune system, so I guess some people think that means she was expendable.<div><br></div><div>But she was so much more than her immune system. She was bright, funny, smart, kind, brave, and the strongest person I know. She was a good friend to me even when no one else was, and because of her I never felt alone, even in my loneliest times. My life was better because of her and my world is darker with her gone.<br>
<br>
Our country's response to COVID-19 has put people out of work, kept them isolated, kept people at home with abusers and away from school meals, and has prevented some needed healthcare. Deaths due to poverty, abuse, suicide, or other health issues shouldn't be dismissed. They are all tragic, and our government (at <i><b>every</b></i> level) owes us all better protection, not only from COVID-19, but also from its results.<br>
<br>
No one should be seen as expendable, and everyone is grieving the loss of something. One is not more important than the other because we all matter. If you can say that the worst loss you've suffered in all of this is some convenience or luxury - I pray you continue to be blessed with that good fortune.<br>
<br>Even if you aren't personally affected, you still should consider your words and actions. "I'm healthy," or, "I would get better," or, "it's all about control," implies you don't care if you spread this to someone else. It implies you think they don't matter. It implies all that matters is what matters to you. <div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZBh-C-PFMR8/Xs_TqNODEqI/AAAAAAAAQmw/uWDjt3GcM-gMpjRzzTQop9r5bSf-5WQQgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/81izXXI5zEL._AC_SX522_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZBh-C-PFMR8/Xs_TqNODEqI/AAAAAAAAQmw/uWDjt3GcM-gMpjRzzTQop9r5bSf-5WQQgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/81izXXI5zEL._AC_SX522_.jpg" border="0" data-original-width="522" data-original-height="360" width="320" height="220"></a></div><div><br></div>I know your focus may be how to protect yourself, or whether or not you think you even need protection, or maybe what is affecting you most. That's fair; we're all entitled to think of ourselves. <br>
<br>
But if you are so self-involved that you simply never think of others, dismiss deaths that don't affect you as unimportant, or say the loss must be hoax or an overreaction because you haven't personally seen any - I pray you receive more grace than you give.<!--/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_200528_105449_181.sdoc--></div></div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-3980000043297381092020-04-15T11:31:00.001-04:002020-04-15T11:37:28.855-04:00Thoughts from "quarantine"<div>I keep wanting to share observations, but there are too many for a comment or a tweet. So here we go... a random collection of my thoughts over the last month.</div><div><br></div>First of all... I really hate using the word "quarantine." The definition of quarantine is medical isolation, where you have contact with literally no other person. <b><i>Not. One.</i></b> I feel like the word should be reserved for those who are sick, and truly aren't going anywhere for at least 14 days. The rest of us are lucky to be safe at home.<div><br></div><div>People do realize that not everything on YouTube is true, right? Videos can be edited just as easily as blog posts. The truth in this case is just like the truth in every other case: Somewhere in the middle. </div><div><br></div><div>Along those lines, people do realize that not all liberals and Democrats believe we should be social distancing, yes? Also, not all the people who question the recommendations are Republican or conservative. It just isn't that simple.</div><div><br></div><div>I have spent an alarming amount of money on my nails in the last month. I am looking forward to salons opening again so I can save money. </div><div><br></div><div>Related: I will have a better nail strategy in place for future social distancing orders. </div><div><br></div><div>My hair is another story. I've ordered a flat iron and new shampoo; I'll report back.</div><div><br></div><div>Other than missing hair and nail appointments, my life isn't that much different right now. I'm an introvert who lives alone and works from home full-time; I guess this is what I've been training for.</div><div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-l5ygKyZl26U/XpcqIAIHngI/AAAAAAAAQhY/hDIcvQ7GnZ48WlNDZxkK89LD9k1XtWDRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/3t3hsc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style=" margin-right: 1em;margin-left: 1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-l5ygKyZl26U/XpcqIAIHngI/AAAAAAAAQhY/hDIcvQ7GnZ48WlNDZxkK89LD9k1XtWDRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/3t3hsc.jpg" border="0" data-original-width="530" data-original-height="500" width="365" height="344" class=" " title="" alt=""></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>I am truly surprised at the ease of access so many people have to their senior high school photo.</div><div><br></div><div>Never again will I go back to ordering Chipotle in person.</div><div><br></div><div>People who are working are annoyed that they can't collect unemployment. People out of work just want to go back. Just like every parent complains about driving their kids all over, until now, when they complain about being "stuck" at home all the time. We all want what we can't have. Crisis is no different.</div><div><br></div><div>People will take any opportunity to drive like maniacs. </div><div><br></div><div>Related: I've been driving more this last month, because I'm moving (yes, in the middle of a pandemic; do not recommend). I appreciate the lower gas prices.</div><div><br></div><div>I've seen a lot of talk about "quarantine dreams." Suffering from anxiety, I have horrible dreams more nights than I don't. I honestly didn't even notice a difference.</div><div><br></div><div>Why are people not having their tax refund direct deposited? Before you say, "because I don't get a refund," tell me why you wouldn't have the money you owed automatically withdrawn? Then the IRS would have your bank info. </div><div><br></div><div>I liked Cuomo's briefings at first. Having facts helps my anxiety. I have found daily briefings less helpful, and think the frequency should be reduced.</div><div><br></div><div>That said, I'm not sure I totally understand people who are anxious, but sharing alarmist theories about this whole thing. Facts are helpful; opinions less so.</div><div><br></div><div>I am grateful for technology that offers us a chance at "normalcy" during this time.</div><div><br></div><div>That said... conference calls (which have become video calls) are actually more stressful to me. Don't people realize those microphones pick up <b><i>everything</i></b>?</div><div><br></div><div>I have a virtual appointment today with my counselor. Wonder what we'll talk about? </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-15684762132569491982020-03-08T14:45:00.001-04:002020-03-08T15:17:13.452-04:00Under the influence My latest obsession is YouTube (yes, I realize I am late to this game, but I'm a GenXer so it's OK). It started with watching videos by "makeup gurus" and lately has evolved into watching home decor videos. <div><br></div><div>I had no idea that so many people recorded and shared videos of themselves doing housework, or that there was such a large demand for this content, but here we are. To be honest, I don't always watch the speed-cleaning videos because it mostly <strike>makes me feel like</strike> reminds I'm not doing enough cleaning around my own home. I also don't usually watch the "day in the life" videos, since those tend to be geared toward stay at home moms, and that's not relatable for me. I like the decorating videos (usually called "decorate with me") and the typical prequel to those, the "haul" videos, where the influencer shares her purchases that will lead into the decorating. I also sometimes like the pre-prequel, the "shop with me" content, in which the influencer literally records herself shopping. I actually find this handy because I know what's where if I'm looking to shop, and it satisfies my urge to shop without the risk of adding to cart.</div><div><br></div><div>I have made several observations about the influencers I've found so far. A few to share:</div><div><br></div><div><ul><li>Not all influencers are created equal. Some definitely have a more natural ability to engage and share, and are just more enjoyable to watch. The way I know I <i>really</i> like an influencer? If I actually watch the cleaning content, or the stay at home mom stuff. </li><li>Along those lines, I am a lot more likely to watch the content if the influencer has a pet.</li><li>Even though they are not all the same - the homes often are. Most of the influencers I've found decorate their homes in a "modern farmhouse" style. I'm not sure how to describe the style exactly, other than the colors of the home are likely gray, white, and brown / wood tone, and most of the decor comes from Hobby Lobby or Kirklands with occasional bits of Amazon and Walmart.</li><li>That's not a knock; I do love the style. While I'm not about giving my money to Hobby Lobby, there are other stores with similar merchandise and watching is more about the ideas than the exact stuff.</li><li>I've never seen an ad from any of these places - ir any home decor retailer - on any YouTube video, and I think they may be missing the mark.</li><li>Since they all shop in the same places, they often have the same items. I've seen the same "Farmouse" sign in a dining room, an entryway, and a bedroom - so far.</li><li>"Agreeable Gray" seems to be the most popular wall color.</li><li>Rae Dunn is incredibly popular among this "modern farmhouse" group, though the appeal does seem to stretch across to other styles as well. You've probably seen Rae Dunn items in stores, and just had no idea what you were looking - I know I didn't, and now I see it <i>everywhere</i>. </li></ul><div>Like I mentioned, I see some items over and over, but I also see different ways to use that same item, which is actually pretty helpful. It's honestly an interesting way to share an interest in home decor tips and tricks, and engage with others who have different ideas and influences. </div><div><br></div><div>It's also interesting that I have so much interest in how others keep and care for their homes. That probably says something about me, but I feel like that's a separate post.</div><div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LNwMmZAxjyk/XmVEt7y4ccI/AAAAAAAAQAw/f_CC9Y5f8L0jwCQ8hCojCrb9hheHUEglACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/youtube-influencer-1170x725.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-LNwMmZAxjyk/XmVEt7y4ccI/AAAAAAAAQAw/f_CC9Y5f8L0jwCQ8hCojCrb9hheHUEglACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/youtube-influencer-1170x725.jpg" border="0" data-original-width="1170" data-original-height="725" width="320" height="198"></a></div></div><div><br></div></div><div><br></div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-26142491290143905692019-07-14T16:56:00.000-04:002019-07-15T09:27:07.976-04:00I have learned...<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-gHWbNo_DdW8/XSu7G-nGH3I/AAAAAAAAOd0/bte6i-Ov5X40t_BFm1FG-rw70RHLRw_ggCLcBGAs/s1600/Life_goes_on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-gHWbNo_DdW8/XSu7G-nGH3I/AAAAAAAAOd0/bte6i-Ov5X40t_BFm1FG-rw70RHLRw_ggCLcBGAs/s1600/Life_goes_on.jpg" border="0" data-original-width="512" data-original-height="512" width="320" height="320"></a></div>Today is 45 turns around the sun for me. It's been 20 years since I was excited about getting older, but I still like birthdays. Mostly the food and the gifts.<div><br></div><div>Something else I enjoy is reminiscing about the lessons I have learned over the years, and how much has changed, even though sometimes it feels as though nothing has.</div><div><br></div><div>I am still me. At 45, I am still an only child - spoiled and a bit selfish. I like to play with makeup and I like picking outfits, including accessories. I don't like being inconvenienced and I don't understand people who don't mind sharing a bathroom. I love to baby my cat, but have no regrets that I never had an actual baby of my own. I'm really just 5-year-old me playing dress-up and dolls, but with a drivers license and a few gray hairs.</div><div><br></div><div>I've also learned that life never stops teaching us lessons. At one time, I thought I just needed to get to my twenties and I'd have it all figured out. Now, I wonder if I ever will.</div><div><br></div><div>Maybe that's the biggest lesson of all. Maybe we really know a lot more than we realize as kids, looking at life full of wonder and hope, through lenses shaded with innocence; no prejudice, no worry, no hate, no fear. Maybe everything we go through shapes us, but also strips away some of that innocence. Maybe the real lesson is that we need to find a way to get it back.</div><div><br></div><div>Some lessons are big and profound; some are small and practical. Every one of them matters. Here are a few of mine from the last almost-half-a-century <i>(gulp)</i>.</div><div><br></div><div>I have learned...</div><div><br></div><div>...not everyone is going to like me, and that needs to be OK. The alternative is that I spend all my time trying to please everyone, and in the end, I'll please no one, least of all myself.</div><div><br></div><div>...good makeup is a wise investment. It lasts longer, and gives me confidence, which I deserve.</div><div><br></div><div>...I can't like everyone - but I should be kind to everyone; my behavior reflects on me, not them.</div><div><br></div><div>...I need to forgive those who hurt me - partly because they deserve it, but mostly because I do.</div><div><br></div><div>...those who think they don't need therapy or medication are usually the ones who need it the most.</div><div><br></div><div>...no matter what I say, there will always be those who will make it about themselves, or find a way to use it against me. These are not my people.</div><div><br></div><div>...no matter how bad things seem, the bad times are not permanent. Neither are the good times. </div><div><br></div><div>...it's not knowing the answer, but rather knowing where to find the answer, that makes a person smart.</div><div><br></div><div>...facts rarely make a difference in an argument; neither does the truth.</div><div><br></div><div>...no relationship is more sacred than the one you have with your hair stylist or nail technician.</div><div><br></div><div>...choose my battles wisely - I am not required to attend every fight to which I am invited.</div><div><br></div><div>...buying a brand new car is an unwise use of money, and not nearly all it's cracked up to be.</div><div><br></div><div>...no matter how many TV shows are invented, I will never tire of NCIS or West Wing.</div><div><br></div><div>...if I try hard enough, and don't give up, I can find the job of my dreams.</div><div><br></div><div>...I was born with tremendous privilege and it's my duty as a human to use that privilege to help others.</div><div><br></div><div>...if someone is meant to be in my life, God will find a way to put him there; if he is not, God will find a way to remove him.</div><div><br></div><div>...faith will carry me through anything.</div><div><br></div><div>...people, even couples, are not meant to share bathrooms, email addresses, or Facebook accounts.</div><div><br></div><div>...I may not be meant for marriage, but that does not mean I am not meant for love.</div><div><br></div><div>...I am better off showing people my true self, rather than who they want to see.</div><div><br></div><div>...my faith is important, and part of that is being true to myself in the most Christ-like way I can. </div><div><br></div><div>...another part of my faith is to speak up for those who can't speak up for themselves. </div><div><br></div><div>...a person can make a huge impact on someone simply by showing up.</div><div><br></div><div>...sometimes, the calories just don't count.</div><div><br></div><div>...no life is worth more than another.</div><div><br></div><div>...memories are fun, and photos make great memories.</div><div><br></div><div>...it is far better to give and do for others than it ever is to receive.</div><div><br></div><div>...as I get older, skincare is more important than eyeshadow.</div><div><br></div><div>...I am beautiful, even if I am not beautiful to everyone.</div><div><br></div><div>...of all the places I have been, my favorite place to be is home.</div><div><br></div><div>...no matter how tough life can get, it is worth moving forward. </div><div><br></div><div>...home ownership is not for me.</div><div><br></div><div>...there is a difference between compromise and settle.</div><div><br></div><div>...it's important to have one email address where you can direct all the junk.</div><div><br></div><div>...I am more of a cat person than a dog person, but I can fall in love with any animal.</div><div><br></div><div>...at least a small part of me will always think I am not good enough.</div><div><br></div><div>...I have always had anxiety and depression, I just didn't know the words until I was 34.</div><div><br></div><div>...I would have made a terrible mother, and I am happy to have dodged that bullet, both for myself and the child I once considered having.</div><div><br></div><div>...I don't need to agree with someone to respect them - or even like them.</div><div><br></div><div>...I am not always right, and I should listen to other points of view.</div><div><br></div><div>...even when I am wrong, my opinion is valid, and deserves respect. So do the opinions of others.</div><div><br></div><div>...we have no idea what others are battling - so be kind.</div><div><br></div><div>...every ending really does lead to a beginning.</div><div><br></div><div>...I put a high value on convenience, and make no apologies. </div><div><br></div><div>...I am so glad and grateful I kept going even when I wanted to quit.</div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-87093736821350759002019-03-17T16:14:00.001-04:002019-03-17T16:14:23.019-04:00I miss my kittyHere's a secret some of you could probably guess:<p>I don't travel well.</p><p>I can research where to go and where to stay. I can plan things to do once I'm there. I am good at anticipating what might happen, what others may need. I am OK traveling alone, and can accommodate others when I am not.</p><p>But... when I am done, I am DONE. Unfortunately, when you travel, schedules can be unpredictable and the unexpected can happen. Especially where flights are concerned.</p><p>Last week I left for AZ with my boyfriend. All was well... and then an Ethiopian Airline crashed on the other side of the world and it turned out the type of plane has crashed before and has been banned by, like, every country except the US. So the FAA quickly took action and grounded the Boeing 737 Max 8 - which just so happens to only be used by Southwest to service Albany, NY. So - our flight home was canceled.</p><p>I scrambled and found a new flight that was a day later. But then I needed a hotel. I ended up finding one that had to be one of the worst hotels on the planet, but it was a safe(ish) place to rest our heads for the night. That should be good enough - but I was not comfortable, I was ready to go home 24 hours earlier, and I was stressed about getting home to my kitty, returning to work on zero downtime, and the extra money being spent.</p><p>I was DONE. </p><p>I rushed through getting ready and, long story short, got us to the airport with hours - <i>hours</i> - to spare. I even paid to upgrade our boarding (if you don't know, Southwest is open seating so an upgrade just means I paid to board earlier than our assigned time, giving us a better chance at sitting together). </p><p>I am just so done and homesick and can't wait to return to a comfortable surrounding and routine - that includes my kitty.</p><p><p></p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fkRs5KMDTEU/XI6qmmn3nII/AAAAAAAANtI/Dl5nhXwVUfkVssZgTdxJ8OUSgH1nTb3uQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1839.JP" imageanchor="1" ><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fkRs5KMDTEU/XI6qmmn3nII/AAAAAAAANtI/Dl5nhXwVUfkVssZgTdxJ8OUSgH1nTb3uQCLcBGAs/IMG_1839.JPG" data-original-width="" data-original-height="" class=" " width="256" height="341" title="" alt=""></a></p></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-12882118953482994662018-12-30T22:20:00.000-05:002018-12-30T22:22:41.481-05:00So long 2018<a name="more"></a><a name="more"></a><div>I keep seeing posts where friends remember 2018 - some fondly, some not so much - and the big changes that happened during the year.</div><p>So it got me thinking... what are my big memories from 2018? Any big changes, lessons, memories?</p><p>I started the year with a FL vacation. Not really new - that was our third trip to FL for spring training - though we visited some new places. On that trip, I learned I really don't like touristy destinations and don't care if I ever again see Orlando or another set of mouse ears.</p><p>Somewhere in the middle of the year, I really started to feel the impact of my anxiety. I have really tried to improve its management, having come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never be able to make it disappear. That continues to be a struggle. </p><p>I've also battled some major depression. I am still fighting that every single day. I'm a little sad to be going into 2019, well, sad, but I know I can get through and will be OK. Some days I deal with it in really positive ways - going for a walk, writing, etc. Other days I lose myself in a Netflix or YouTube hole and I need to learn that is OK, too. </p><p>At the end of the summer, we took a trip to Gettysburg. I have to say - it's an amazing place, full of history and lessons and, I thought, a lot of sadness. I would encourage anyone to visit, and wish more people would try learning our country's history from perspectives other than white-washed history books.</p><p>Towards the end of the year I started a new job. Very exciting change! The biggest change was positive for my life - the fact that I do this job entirely from home. Earning a little more and the improved chance for retirement didn't hurt, either. Mostly, it's nice to do a job I enjoy while maintaining my sanity and sense of self-worth, both of which were seriously compromised before.</p><p>I am not sure what 2019 holds... I expect there will be challenges, and probably some really low lows, but hopefully mixed in with some very high highs. My main goal is to try and take it all in stride, and find the lessons along the way.</p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><p><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-XIHl2l69D-k/XCmLDR19ljI/AAAAAAAANLU/JebGb6B5aZkhAKimODFKiSNv2sJDsdPoACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" imageanchor="1"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-XIHl2l69D-k/XCmLDR19ljI/AAAAAAAANLU/JebGb6B5aZkhAKimODFKiSNv2sJDsdPoACHMYCw/%255BUNSET%255D" width="320" height="320" class=" " title="" alt=""></a></p></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-22964193750515768572018-11-20T09:59:00.000-05:002018-11-20T09:59:45.919-05:00Holiday struggles<div id="m_1736370628816480612yMail_cursorElementTracker_1542725704410" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
Boy has it been a while.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
For anyone still listening - I'm sorry for the silence. For anyone who stumbles upon this space and decides to stay - I can't promise it will get better, but I'll try. Again.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
Anyway - it's November 20, there's snow outside, and I have packages arriving everyday this week, some even filled with stuff not for me.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
So it must be the holidays. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IPH-vXO2Uvc/W_Qg1iL-LoI/AAAAAAAANEI/2a85qdOgKB44cszlE8kSAInsCNrBG7_fACLcBGAs/s1600/FB_IMG_1542725509822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="737" data-original-width="750" height="314" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IPH-vXO2Uvc/W_Qg1iL-LoI/AAAAAAAANEI/2a85qdOgKB44cszlE8kSAInsCNrBG7_fACLcBGAs/s320/FB_IMG_1542725509822.jpg" width="320" /></a>If you're not new around here, you know that this is not my favorite time. For years and years it was great. Then I had a job that became nothing but a big pile of stress in December, making the holidays all but impossible to enjoy. Then I got divorced and all the traditions (I thought) I needed to be happy went out the window. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
Over time my job has changed a little and I've learn to manage the stress. My traditions never recovered, but I accepted that and actually have come to enjoy the freedom that comes with fewer expectations. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
But as I've gotten older, I've realized that a lot of the family time that comes with the holidays is also a huge trigger for my anxiety. Trying to please everyone (and inevitably failing), having to (once again) explain why my life doesn't look like they think it should, being caught in awkward family feuds... It's supposed to be a fun time of year, but it's taken over by so much stress.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
I struggle to get through each day, worried that it will be the day I finally break. I practice my anxiety relief activities, and try to remind myself that this too shall pass. After all, January is coming - right?!</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
It's been a huge help to me in the last few years to realize I am not alone in this fight. It turns out I know a lot of people who struggle too.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
So for those going through anything that will make this season a tough one, remember this:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
You are not alone.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">
So let's put on our fancy holiday anxiety and push through!</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-8147057447444208602018-04-05T22:10:00.001-04:002018-04-05T22:10:19.909-04:00Not luckLike I mentioned, <a href="http://sue215.blogspot.com/2018/03/vacation-perspective.html" target="_blank">I was recently on vacation</a>. When I'm away, I love to take and share photos. I personally like making the memories for myself, and I've also been told that friends enjoy seeing the photos as well. I figure those who don't want to see the photos can always unfollow me, anyway.<br />
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075341532">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075341799">
But I know some people get annoyed <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5aTMzVy_ycg/WsbWDy7HINI/AAAAAAAALbs/FkLDbdeaexwbCsCOFZh7D53NpLJc2oxywCEwYBhgL/s1600/hurricane-irene-summer-vacation-somewhat-topical-ecards-someecards.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="237" data-original-width="425" height="221" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5aTMzVy_ycg/WsbWDy7HINI/AAAAAAAALbs/FkLDbdeaexwbCsCOFZh7D53NpLJc2oxywCEwYBhgL/s400/hurricane-irene-summer-vacation-somewhat-topical-ecards-someecards.png" width="400" /></a></div>
that others can take trips while they can't. I've been told more than once how "lucky" I am that I am able to travel, and that it must just be because I am single without kids or a mortgage.</div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075417273">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075417491">
It's true - I don't have kids or a mortgage. Technically I am single - in that I am not married - though I am not really sure how that fits in with the ability to travel. Maybe because I am not responsible for someone else financially? If so, then yes, that is true.</div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075526410">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075526615">
But none of that is "luck" - it's choice. I <em><strong>chose</strong></em> not to have kids, I <em><strong>chose</strong></em> to sell my house so I would not have the financial burden, and I <em><strong>choose</strong></em> to be with someone who doesn't need my financial help. I have worked very hard at jobs I have not always loved to earn the money and time to be able to travel.</div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075649670">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075649880">
Make no mistake - I am blessed to have all of these things, and I am grateful everyday. </div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075729516">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_3421992708656176774yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075729693">
But it was not "luck." It was hard work and smart choices. There is definitely a difference.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-84815232951776162472018-03-30T13:06:00.000-04:002018-03-30T13:06:09.241-04:00Vacation perspectiveI love vacation. I love not setting an alarm, not worrying about cleaning or laundry or grocery shopping. Not dealing with work. I love the escape.<br />
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074562752">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074563114">
But it also comes at a price for me. I worry about the planning, and finding stuff to do that we will both enjoy. I worry about travel, especially if we're flying. I worry about my kitty being home alone. I work extra the week before and the week after because that's the nature of what I do.</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074687172">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074687379">
But the pros definitely outweigh the cons, and in the end - I love vacation.</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074714203">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074714485">
Something else I love? The perspective. Recently, I was able to take a trip and learn a few things along the way.</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074775623">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WRFobppmZRE/Wr5t_rNaJFI/AAAAAAAALZk/f4R3FNxRqYM_Q5eflYc4FNjq3wlF2jvKACLcBGAs/s1600/20180306_104911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="504" height="300" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WRFobppmZRE/Wr5t_rNaJFI/AAAAAAAALZk/f4R3FNxRqYM_Q5eflYc4FNjq3wlF2jvKACLcBGAs/s400/20180306_104911.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The only things in FL not wearing mouse ears.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074775808" style="border-image: none;">
"Cold" means different things to different people in different places...</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074804126" style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074804369" style="border-image: none;">
... but Florida people have no idea what it means to be truly cold.</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074826487" style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074826708" style="border-image: none;">
I like to be in an area full of stuff to see and do....</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074842972" style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074843143" style="border-image: none;">
... but prefer to find that stuff off the beaten-path. A less hectic, less "touristy" destination is much more my speed.</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074875342" style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074875529" style="border-image: none;">
It is possible to walk 70,000+ miles in a week and still gain 3 pounds...</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074928638">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074928812" style="border-image: none;">
... but only gaining 3 pounds on vacation is still an awful lot like losing weight. </div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074964157">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521074964349" style="border-image: none;">
There is always going to be something to worry about, or some source of stress...</div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075157690">
<br /></div>
<div id="m_-4422447648536788671yMail_cursorElementTracker_1521075157945" style="border-image: none;">
... but you can't let that stop you from loving life, and making memories.</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-554888193016128482018-01-18T17:06:00.003-05:002018-01-19T12:02:58.697-05:00Mentoring monthJanuary is National Mentoring Month. I found out from the Facebook page of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region, with which I have volunteered as a mentor (or a "Big") for almost 6 years.<br />
<br />
The post suggested that to celebrate, we should thank a mentor, share our own mentoring stories, and encourage others to become mentors.<br />
<br />
I've shared my story before, but it's probably worth sharing again.<br />
<br />
I became a mentor because I was going through a difficult time in my life. Volunteering seemed to be a good way to distract myself from all the things I felt were going wrong. A friend suggested to me that volunteering as a Big might be a good idea. <br />
<br />
It turned out to be the best advice anyone has ever given me.<br />
<br />
To find out how to become a Big, I started at the <a href="https://bbbscr.org/" target="_blank">website</a>. I clicked the "volunteer" button and I was off and running. The application process was long - I'm not sure it's changed much. I had to answer a lot of questions, do a phone interview, answer some more questions, then go to an in-person interview. From there I signed off on a background check that was fairly extensive and I provided 4 personal references (a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a boss - if I remember correctly), all of which I know were checked. I see a counselor and I had to have a medical sign-off from him. I think it took about a month for that to be completed - then I had to be matched.<br />
<br />
The matching process took a little bit of time. My Match Specialist contacted me with a few more questions, related to everything from race to disabilities (my own and others) and neighborhoods. I was honest - because the last thing I wanted to do was be matched with someone who wouldn't like me, or for whom I couldn't live up to the expectations.<br />
<br />
Speaking of expectations... A lot of people think the whole mentor thing is a big time commitment. It's really not. My commitment is 2 outings a month and 2 phone calls a month (on non-outing weeks). Outings can be simple, and at first, they recommend you keep them short and close to home, while everyone (Big, Little, and parents) gets used to this new idea. <br />
<br />
As far as how long you're committed... That sort of depends on your Little's age. My Little just turned 17 and she will age out of the program next year. That will end my commitment to BBBSCR (though I'd like to think I will still be in touch with my Little on our own). Your commitment could also end sooner. I had a match before this that had to be terminated after only a couple of years. <br />
<br />
But they do ask that once you are matched, you give it at least a year. It takes time to get to know someone, and it can feel awkward at first. If you bailed at the first uncomfortable outing, you'd never make it past a month. But trust me - given time, it will improve and then develop into something awesome.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SU2XgRX-6Os/WmIknLWwmMI/AAAAAAAAKvI/PT4kZYaPGfczUrYg5UJ3AtKqTBpj7RnvgCLcBGAs/s1600/FB_IMG_1516024805608.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SU2XgRX-6Os/WmIknLWwmMI/AAAAAAAAKvI/PT4kZYaPGfczUrYg5UJ3AtKqTBpj7RnvgCLcBGAs/s320/FB_IMG_1516024805608.jpg" width="320" /></a>You're not alone, either. You have a Match Support Specialist that checks in with you, your Little, and your Little's parent(s) each month. After a year, these check-ins are done quarterly. The specialist is available at any point for questions and guidance. </div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
There's other support too. There's a Facebook page for active Bigs where ideas for outings are shared. There's a monthly email with even more suggestions and reminders of ongoing activities and discounts. BBBSCR also hosts a few outings a year (like a holiday party and an a back to school picnic) that provide a chance to meet other matches. The chance to talk to other Bigs is a great help! Plus a free outing now and then doesn't hurt.</div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
Speaking of which... Money. Big and parent(s) should share in the cost for outings. I do everything I can to find discounts and keep the cost to a minimum. My Little's mom sends her out with money on some outings and I let her contribute, which helps. Never be afraid to talk money. It will come up at the match meeting and everyone agrees that this isn't supposed to be a financial hardship. Outings don't have to be expensive either - I've taken my Little for a walk in the park and we've had a great time for free.</div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
There's plenty of stories around about how the Littles (or mentees) benefit from these relationships. Kids in the program are less likely to do drugs, have trouble in school. They are more likely to go to college. That's all amazing.</div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
But mentors? We get so much more. We get the chance to make a difference - a real, measurable difference - in someone's life. We touch a child and that whole family. More importantly, at least for me, our confidence grows, we become more outgoing, we make new friends, and we feel <strong><em>good</em></strong>. </div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
The best part is, anyone can be a mentor - and everyone should. </div>
<br />Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-2985987729213937792018-01-02T15:25:00.004-05:002018-01-02T15:25:59.918-05:00Surviving traditions<div dir="ltr">
The holidays really stress me out. For a while I thought it was just me. I thought I was this strange anomaly of a daughter / niece / cousin / friend who couldn't find the joy in running from obligation to obligation, in lousy weather, while I bleed money, during the busiest time of my work year. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Back in December, I went to talk with my counselor <i>(yep, still have one of those)</i> who assured me I was not alone. In fact, I had trouble making a January appointment because he was over-booked... due to the holidays.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
We talked about traditions and how difficult it can be when they change. Whether it's decorating, or gifts, or meals, or whatever... even if it's stressful, most people have trouble letting go. In fact, he told me that for many people, changing a tradition can be <i><b>even more</b></i> stressful than the tradition itself.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/--kPVfa0Gcfc/WkvoFtRe7pI/AAAAAAAAKpk/WyMqSvswAosh0W1Q1Aw8UqOh4MPW-SOoACLcBGAs/s1600/turkey%2Bsushi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="324" data-original-width="324" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/--kPVfa0Gcfc/WkvoFtRe7pI/AAAAAAAAKpk/WyMqSvswAosh0W1Q1Aw8UqOh4MPW-SOoACLcBGAs/s320/turkey%2Bsushi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr">
My traditions have changed so much over the last 10 years, I'm at the point where I've stopped</div>
counting on them. I feel like my only constant at the holidays is not knowing what will happen, where I'll be, or who will show up. <br />
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
You know what I have found? That's OK with me. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I used to think traditions made me feel better. That I found joy in being sure about what, where, and who. Then, things shifted and it was out of my control, and I realized... <b><i>that</i></b> wasn't making me happy at all.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
What keeps me happy is knowing that everyone else is happy. Meeting everyone else's expectations, keeping them satisfied and comfortable - that's what matters to me.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I started to accept that I can't make others happy, I can only let them be happy. So - even though it's a little frustrating on the fourth Tuesday in November that I have no idea where I'm eating in two days... it's what makes everyone else happy, and that is OK. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I remind myself of a couple of things:</div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I know where I won't be - at my apartment. I just have to show up somewhere.</li>
<li>If I don't get an invite, I can always get sushi. </li>
</ul>
<div dir="ltr">
It isn't easy letting go of traditions that have been around since childhood. I still struggle with it sometimes. But I have found it can be a relief to not worry about making others happy and let them do that for themselves. It was also a little empowering to realize that letting traditions change means you can start to carve out your own, new traditions that really honor what you want to celebrate in your life. What's more, allowing letting things go leaves me free to change things up for myself, because my life is definitely not done changing.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<div>
Once you open yourself up to the idea that change is OK - suddenly, traditions (or lack thereof) don't seem so bad.</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-19431003462310015682017-12-29T14:00:00.004-05:002017-12-29T17:29:52.646-05:00Resolutions<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6H6mjI1PM78/WkaQT_yRiKI/AAAAAAAAKn4/lLg7yKa1cdEb0UmW7NmBcwjHNYQVdwx8QCLcBGAs/s1600/RedStamp-1514559909425.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1444" data-original-width="1006" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6H6mjI1PM78/WkaQT_yRiKI/AAAAAAAAKn4/lLg7yKa1cdEb0UmW7NmBcwjHNYQVdwx8QCLcBGAs/s400/RedStamp-1514559909425.png" width="277" /></a>It's been a while - as my friend <a href="https://chuckthewriterblog.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Chuck Miller</a> has pointed out more than once.<br />
<br />
There's no real reason for my absence. Life is good - great, in fact. I guess I've just let writing and sharing get away from me.<br />
<br />
I generally don't like to make "new year" resolutions. I know they work for many, but I am pretty bad at the follow through. For years I have tried to avoid the "eat better, exercise more" resolution trap. It always seems to unravel fast and I end up feeling like a failure, which discourages me to the point where I just stop, and so on and on and on.<br />
<br />
But if I <i>were</i> to make resolutions... now would be the right time. So here are few things I may <i>try</i> for 2018:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Write more - blogs, journal entries, letters</li>
<li>Read more</li>
<li>Go somewhere new</li>
<li>Pray more</li>
</ul>
<br />
Now, if all goes well, you will read more from me next week! Until then - here's to a wonderful 2018!Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-72475446801841206612017-06-15T15:30:00.000-04:002017-06-15T15:30:06.353-04:00Little thingsI feel like I am constantly surrounded by negative. Whether it's from the news, or my social media feeds, or just inside my own head, there's so much that brings me down. Once the negative thoughts are in my head, it's very hard for me to break free. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I'm happy when I'm able to take some pleasure in appreciating the little things.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>My office building lost power today - so I worked from home and took lunch at my pool. </li>
<li>My friend just picked up his new puppy, who he has named Lionel Ritchie. How cute is that?!</li>
<li>I received a lovely text from my Little's mom the other day, thanking me for all I do (I really don't think I do very much, but it was very nice to hear). </li>
<li>I am able to hide political posts, and have been doing so successfully - to the point where I got all the way through yesterday without knowing it was Donald Trump's birthday.</li>
<li>For every political thing my friends like or share, there are at least three wonderful stories from other friends - <a href="http://www.boredpanda.com/little-girl-thought-bride-princess-shandace-scott-staphanie-cristalli/" target="_blank">like this one.</a></li>
<li>I am going on vacation again with my favorite person - to a new ballpark!</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O83ggCLtxVU/WULfNK4wqjI/AAAAAAAAIJE/rfv_KTxwePsHVbqrV8JyxahAdXDxp4HHgCLcBGAs/s1600/5370.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O83ggCLtxVU/WULfNK4wqjI/AAAAAAAAIJE/rfv_KTxwePsHVbqrV8JyxahAdXDxp4HHgCLcBGAs/s320/5370.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-44724755358206737402017-05-30T14:46:00.001-04:002017-05-30T14:46:37.793-04:00Take out the trashWest Wing (one of my all-time favorites), Season 1, Episode 13 - "Take out the Trash Day." The staff is dealing with all the issues they want to mention in the last briefing on Friday night. Those items are always included in the weekend news-cycle - which is mostly ignored. Naturally, that's where you want to bury the news you're hoping no one will notice.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking about about a lot of issues - some are fleeting thoughts, others are whole posts I've written but not hit "publish." Mostly, they are things that I want to say, but am (at least partially) hoping no one will notice.<br />
<br />
But, there's no reason I can't have my own little take out the trash day (even if it is a Tuesday) where I<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9G-cBGKdsRw/WS284664dYI/AAAAAAAAIC8/_ZPl1Z-fioQMTfufQt4nw5js0i7NP8eygCLcB/s1600/images%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="246" data-original-width="205" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9G-cBGKdsRw/WS284664dYI/AAAAAAAAIC8/_ZPl1Z-fioQMTfufQt4nw5js0i7NP8eygCLcB/s1600/images%2B%25281%2529.jpg" /></a></div>
mention those things I kinda want to share - but maybe not really.<br />
<br />
- The term "boss babe" is thrown around way too often. Yes, women can be their own boss. Most "boss babe" references are to women involved in direct marketing. Nothing wrong with a little flexibility and freedom to earn. Some women build wildly successful businesses. But if you're among the majority, earning a reasonable amount that allows you to stay home and keep kids out of day care - it by no means affords you the "financial independence" boss babes like to mention. For the record - if you can't afford your house or your health insurance on your own earnings - you are <i>not</i> financially independent.<br />
<br />
- The term "mom boss" is annoying too. Why are moms the only women that might want a little extra cash, or flexibility, or discounts, or whatever?<br />
<br />
- Those signs that say, "Your husband called - he said buy whatever you want," need to go. I know plenty of married women and not one of them asks permission before spending. Besides - are wives the only women you want buying what you're selling? Non-wives have money too.<br />
<br />
- True - most people consider themselves open-minded. Also true - most people are not nearly as open-minded as they think. If you disagree with this post and I respond by condescending - I am <i>not</i> "open-minded." If I then un-friend or block you, I'm actually pretty close-minded. If I <i>then</i> go ahead and post separately about how I dislike people who can't handle disagreement - well, now I'm a hypocrite, too.<br />
<br />
- Why do parents take to social media (or whatever outlet they may use) to complain about their kids? How ungrateful, or lazy, or irresponsible the kids behave. They're <i>your</i> kids - if they act that way, it's probably something they learned from <i>you</i>. The good news is, you still have time to teach them better.<br />
<br />
OK, I think that's all the trash I have for today. Carry on....Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-77923968628678431352017-01-19T14:35:00.000-05:002017-01-19T14:35:06.622-05:00Compassionate liberalism<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"All of us, regardless of party, should throw ourselves into that work – the joyous work of citizenship. Not just when there's an election, not just when our own narrow interest is at stake, but over the full span of a lifetime." Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States</blockquote>
<div dir="ltr">
This is my first, and probably last, political post - at least recently, and for a while. It's also not completely political.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I stopped having political conversations a while ago, even online. Most people don't agree with me, and seem uninterested in giving me a chance to explain. Even more seem to take it as an opportunity to c<span style="text-align: center;">ondescend to me, explaining why I'm obviously wrong, as if my opinions are the product of a privileged background and an out-of-touch life. It mostly just leads to conflict, which I already have more than enough of in my life, so I try to stick to conversations about sports, TV, or my cat.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Much of what I believe politically is described as "liberal elitism." Since I had absolutely no idea what that means, I did what any self-respecting person would do - I asked Google. </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Liberal elite</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> (also metropolitan </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">elite</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> in the United Kingdom) is a term used to describe politically left-leaning people, whose education had traditionally opened the doors to affluence and power and form a managerial </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">elite</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">.</span></span></blockquote>
<div dir="ltr">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eSC0AH7tY_s/WIETABRK4gI/AAAAAAAAF7Y/ukTy_LbGy987MOSgSrBXayE4myHYbNjAwCLcB/s1600/20160706_151105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eSC0AH7tY_s/WIETABRK4gI/AAAAAAAAF7Y/ukTy_LbGy987MOSgSrBXayE4myHYbNjAwCLcB/s400/20160706_151105.jpg" width="400" /></a>Digging further, what I've found is that "liberal elites" seem to be people who come from well-educated backgrounds, which led to affluence and power, that dip their toes in the fountain of activism because it's the "cool" thing to do. They <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-hypocrisy-of-the-liberal-elite_us_582a3be6e4b057e23e3148e3" target="_blank">throw their money issues and get grants for mission trips to help the needy in other countries</a> because it sounds better, and allows them to "help" while still ignoring realities in their own backyard. They <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nikki-johnsonhuston-esq/the-culture-of-the-smug-w_b_11537306.html" target="_blank">police others behavior, lecturing on the importance of tolerance and inclusion and acceptance</a>, all the while remaining intolerant of those who they lecture.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
OK, so that's not cool.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I'm definitely liberal, though it's not a label I like to use, since my views are my own and are not defined by political agendas. I do come from a background of some privilege, and it did allow me access to a good, debt-free education, which could have led to a very lucrative career, had I made different choices. While I wouldn't call my current job "lucrative," I am certainly not underpaid, nor am I suffering. My spouse-less, child-less, house-less lifestyle allows for a lot of comfort. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I suppose you could argue that I am "elite," though I have very little affluence, even less influence, and, like really no power at all. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I do like to help - and I try not to offer based on race or nationality (or any other criteria such as gender, orientation, religion, or whatever). I try to offer both my money <i>and</i> time. I'm not trying to ignore reality, but a girl can't live through volunteerism alone, ya know? I try to keep it local, though sometimes a cause just grabs me. I also believe we are all a part of a larger community, and firmly believe that help anywhere helps to make the world a better place. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I do believe in tolerance - but I believe it goes both ways. I have tried, and continue to try, to understand other people's point of view. I admittedly have a lot to learn, but I want to listen and understand, and not ignore realities outside of my own. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I'd like to think my desire to help, to listen, to understand, to support, and to include is compassionate, and not elitist. I'd like to think that those who don't agree would start giving liberals like me the benefit of the doubt, before just assuming they know our thoughts and motivation. I'd also like to think that we could all step outside our own reality and look at how everyone is affected in different ways. I do not think lecturing helps, though I understand the impulse, and know I am guilty from time to time. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I also don't think we can all continue to take in only one side of any issue, and expect that others will just find their way to agree with us "because we are right." "Right" looks different depending on where you stand. On many issues, there truly is no right or wrong answer. When there is, it still doesn't help to be right, if you don't understand how others got their answer. What good does it do to know better if you can't share what you know? </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Working together to make the world a better, richer, more understanding and supportive place can only help all of us. We may all be in different places, but we are all in this together. </div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-78488094274144458802016-11-02T11:32:00.003-04:002016-11-03T17:56:13.191-04:00Blog challenge - smells and technology<div dir="ltr">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4bxFe_hi1Xw/WBoFkcKHvqI/AAAAAAAAF2w/lObbttzcAcUwauTLIuKmaWxIhUQ6fru9ACLcB/s1600/19c27c5a74cec22ec09671dea955c465.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4bxFe_hi1Xw/WBoFkcKHvqI/AAAAAAAAF2w/lObbttzcAcUwauTLIuKmaWxIhUQ6fru9ACLcB/s400/19c27c5a74cec22ec09671dea955c465.jpg" width="160" /></a>I love to write but lately, I haven't had a ton of time. When I do, I'm often uninspired. When I am, it's usually political, and who wants to go there?</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I came across a 30-day challenge I haven't seen before, and thought I'd give it a shot. Of course I found it late in the day on November 1, so I'm already behind.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
The first challenge? A smell I'm grateful for today. A smell? Really? </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I'm going with the smell of the new evergreen candle I bought over the weekend. Evergreen is my favorite smell, next to lilac. I'll burn evergreen candles all year if I have the chance. The problem is the really good smelling candles are expensive, and I go through them quickly because I warm candles rather than burn (kitties and open flames don't mix well). </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I found this candle on sale at Kohl's and I had Kohl's cash - for which I'm also grateful.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
The second challenge? Technology for which I am grateful. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I'm someone who likes convenience and, in general, am happy to pay for more of it in my life. My most long-standing relationship, outside of the one with my cat, is with my phone. Aside from that, I also love my DVR, which allows me to have actual relationships with actual people, and still not miss out on my relationships with my favorite TV characters. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Days 1 and 2 - done.</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-24684730911273355572016-08-17T13:17:00.001-04:002016-08-17T13:17:32.013-04:00Challenge accepted<div dir="ltr">
I was named in one of those challenges where I'm supposed to post photos of my boyfriend and me to celebrate being in a relationship. The challenges originally were celebrating marriage. I figured not being challenged was a perk of not being married, but I guess not. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
About a week ago, I <a href="http://michiforniagirl.com/i-cannot-in-good-conscience-participate-in-the-love-your-spouse-challenge/">shared a post</a> by a blogger who said she "could not in good conscience participate in the challenge." She makes an excellent point:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: purple;"><i>The other day, a friend of mine summarized something she’d heard somewhere, and I love it. I LOVE IT SO HARD. "You know one hundred percent of your own life," she said. "But on social media, you only share the best five percent of it: your baby’s first steps, your trip to the Bahamas, your graduation day. That’s all anyone else sees. It’s fascinating to keep up with those things, for sure. But it’s also why Facebook can be so discouraging: we compare one hundred percent of our own life to THE BEST five percent of everyone else’s."</i></span></blockquote>
<div dir="ltr">
My relationship is nothing short of amazing. I have never been so happy, and I thank God every single day for bringing Kurt into my life. <i>Every. Single. Day</i>.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Our best is more than 5% - I'd say it's probably more like 90 - 95%. My boyfriend and I genuinely enjoy each other's company. We laugh a lot. We don't have to deal with a lot of the "stuff" other couples face. We are blessed with the freedom, time, and resources to have a lot of fun together. Those of you connected with me on Facebook already see those pictures - sporting events, museums, hikes, road-trips. I share and celebrate our adventures all the time. <span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hm_vSf3liwo/V7SZssiFA-I/AAAAAAAAFZI/B_UXUCEMAlYUJRVzSkBUauxkP3hf1Oe3QCLcB/s1600/FB_IMG_1460465941236.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hm_vSf3liwo/V7SZssiFA-I/AAAAAAAAFZI/B_UXUCEMAlYUJRVzSkBUauxkP3hf1Oe3QCLcB/s320/FB_IMG_1460465941236.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: purple;"><b>This photo celebrates what it's like to take <br />a selfie with a 15" height difference.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
But there is a 5 - 10% that you don't see. My anxiety creeping in and making his life difficult. Deciding what to eat for dinner. Giving my cat a bath. Me getting eaten alive by mosquitoes on a hike, or icing my knee after. Folding laundry. Grocery shopping. </div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
I feel like if I was going to share more of our relationship, I should include those moments too. But I can't - even if I <i><b>wanted</b></i> to remember those times, I think we all know there's no way I'm taking a photo when I'm sweaty or without makeup.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
It's silly to think those things deserve to be celebrated. Really - who wants to celebrate icing her knee? But I feel like a relationship isn't just made up of all the fun stuff. It's made up of how you handle the bad stuff, too. I'm lucky enough to have someone who will get the ice for me - and also bring me ice cream so I can rest. Now <i><b>that's</b></i> worth celebrating.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
So my Facebook friends and family will continue to see the absolute best 90 - 95% of my relationship - and I will continue to celebrate all 100% every day.</div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-27880873794640773502016-08-10T16:00:00.001-04:002016-08-10T16:00:41.373-04:00Grateful everydayI have written about my anxiety and depression before because I see no reason to ignore the reality. I've never really gotten too personal, though, and I only recently realized that was because I am a little ashamed. Inspired by <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://nicollehook.wordpress.com/2014/08/20/a-letter-to-those-affected-by-my-anxiety/&source=gmail&ust=1462913335805000&usg=AFQjCNHxyWCaQYWGwptAfa_wBN0A0prs0A" href="https://nicollehook.wordpress.com/2014/08/20/a-letter-to-those-affected-by-my-anxiety/" target="_blank">this post I found</a>, I've decided to change that and talk a bit about what happens. That's also a reality, and lately, it's been one that I really can't ignore.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
My anxiety attacks usually last about a day, though more recently, I've had attacks that have lasted several days, and one lasted almost a week a few months ago. I will tell anyone who asks that is what's wrong with me that day - I'm having an anxiety attack. I always get the impression they think this is a work of fiction on my part, or they think it's just a case of the worries, and if I just focus elsewhere, I'll be fine. Or they tell me to calm down. Or they just don't want to hear. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
When I say I'm having an anxiety attack, I don't mean that I'm just a little worried. I mean - I <em><strong>am</strong></em> worried - but by the time I've gotten to the anxiety attack, I'm well-past the point of worry. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
My head hurts. Most of the time I am dizzy and feel like I may pass out at any moment. It's hard to walk, and it's hard to drive. That can make getting to work difficult, but I usually manage. Of course, it doesn't always matter, because I can't focus on anything. It's also usually hard to see. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JOP2hFA97n8/VzD33muiPcI/AAAAAAAAFKw/Lhxk1QmNZLo_Zxvf_ISB93RbYKlHQobnACLcB/s1600/5b55de3c1fb69bc656724046b6bf6670.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JOP2hFA97n8/VzD33muiPcI/AAAAAAAAFKw/Lhxk1QmNZLo_Zxvf_ISB93RbYKlHQobnACLcB/s400/5b55de3c1fb69bc656724046b6bf6670.jpg" width="266" /></a>My stomach also hurts. You've felt butterflies before, right? This is like that, except it's like the butterflies are being attacked like a swarm of wasps. I can't eat - which would be great for my jean size, but it never lasts. Anyway, not eating doesn't really help with the seeing, walking, and focus. </div>
</div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
There's also the hot flashes. This is great. I could be standing outside in 40 degree weather with short sleeves and I'd be sweating. Very uncomfortable, and just adds to the fun. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
Some people want to know why I get so worried. Not easy to explain. It's not like my problems or worries are worse than anyone else's. In fact, my life is probably easier than most. The difference is my brain and body physically respond to my worries. I can manage that (medication, vitamins, exercise, diet) but there is no escape. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
So just don't worry, right? I wish it were that simple. Here's what happens: </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
Someone says or does something that should mean nothing. Maybe they ask a question. Or mention something might happen. It usually involves change, and with me, it almost always involves a relationship (because those are my biggest priority). It seems insignificant to the other person - and I'm the first to admit it probably is insignificant - but almost immediately, my brain starts worrying. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
What does this mean? What might happen? What could this cause? </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
A million questions swirl in my head. Pretty soon, answers are coming at me from every direction - and every single one is negative. It's like if you were in a room listening to 100 people hurl insults in your direction. I try to replace those negative thoughts with positive, and sometimes I'm successful. But that is a lot of work, and I'm not always successful.
<br />
<br />
I have learned a lot of "coping mechanisms." They work - most of the time. Sometimes the anxiety is so overwhelming that it takes over even my best efforts and tools. <br />
<br />
So what do I do in the meantime? <br />
<br />
I remind myself how lucky I am. Everyday, I tell myself that it will be OK. I remind myself that my God is bigger than any of my problems. I pray. I hope. I talk to my friends. I let myself cry and then I move on because letting anxiety win is just not acceptable. <br />
<br />
I have far too much to live for.</div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-18411402218345824842016-07-29T13:54:00.000-04:002016-07-29T13:54:03.722-04:00A few thoughtsI still don't want to share my political views. I'm scared of being yelled at, being called stupid, or having people hate me. But I have a few, slightly generic thoughts in my head - not enough to really form an actual political post, but just enough to frame out what I think might be the most important take-aways from this election season thus far.
<br />
<br />
- I understand that people don't really like Hillary, or trust her. But I'm still confused on why some refer to her as a criminal.
<br />
<br />
- I totally understand disagreeing with a party's views, and even voting for the opposing party just because... but the idea of voting for someone you admit is bad for the country doesn't make sense.
<br />
<br />
- There is very little about government that is fair or logical or reasonable. Much of it is corrupt and biased. I'm confused by the idea that voting for one guy could change hundreds of years of that history.
<br />
<br />
- If you want to change the system, maybe <strong><em>not</em></strong> voting for a rich white dude is a good place to start.<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-image: none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DnEVX5iHDVg/V5uXPSWwRjI/AAAAAAAAFX4/yEVspAKiRkAw6zgFhgO2skxFIhCq6BhhgCLcB/s1600/FB_IMG_1469812989724.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DnEVX5iHDVg/V5uXPSWwRjI/AAAAAAAAFX4/yEVspAKiRkAw6zgFhgO2skxFIhCq6BhhgCLcB/s320/FB_IMG_1469812989724.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
- What exactly is the appeal of Donald Trump? People say it's because he "speaks the truth." But whose truth? He's seems like a racist, misogynistic bully to me, and while I am sure he's a very smart business man, I've seen no evidence that he knows how to work with others to get something done. I've met a lot of CEOs and presidents in my lifetime; they were all smart, determined, resilient, and used to getting their own way. None of them possessed an ounce of the diplomacy required to be the leader of the free world.
<br />
<br />
- The idea that you need to vote for Hillary if you are a feminist seems backwards to me. Feminism isn't (or at least shouldn't be) based on the idea that women should get the job. It's based on the idea that women should have the same chance as men for the same job. You can be happy that a woman finally broke through and still not feel she's the best person for the job.
<br />
<br />
- That being said... if you are a woman, and you've ever lost a new job or a promotion or a raise because you are a woman, you should be at least a tiny bit happy that another barrier is broken. It's a big deal for a woman to stand where Hillary stood the other night. Take a moment and think on that, even if you still don't like her or her politics.
<br />
<br />
- If we're friends, I will still be your friend after this election. Unless you're a racist, misogynistic bully and/or support the idea that minorities, women, or immigrants are in any way less important than white, American men.
<br />
<br />
But if that's the case, I'm not sure how we became friends in the first place - and I'm sure you won't think of it as any big loss anyway.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-54219543986092857162016-07-20T13:54:00.002-04:002016-07-20T13:54:19.661-04:00TiredI'm so tired of bad news. I'm tired of people being shot, harassed, murdered. I'm tired of terrorists and criminals, and I'm equally tired of corrupt good-guys and actual good-guys being made to look bad. I'm tired of people labeling others based on the color of their skin, the color of their uniform, who they love, where they worship, where they work, or how they vote. I'm tired of finger-pointing and name-calling. <br />
<br /><br />
I may not agree with your choices. I may not understand them. You may not agree with or understand mine. I still don't understand why that matters. Why do we need to agree? I'm tired of trying to figure it out.<br />
<br /><br />
I am 100% sure there are people out there who believe others should be killed for the color of their skin. I am 100% sure there are people out there who believe others should be punished for who they love or how they live. I am also 100% sure there are people out there who believe all police are corrupt, evil, and should be killed. <br />
<br /><br />
I am reasonably sure those of us who just want a safe, happy, peaceful world outnumber all of those people. (I wish I was 100% on this one, but I'm just not.) I just don't think we all agree on how to get started.<br />
<br /><br />
Here's a picture of my cat, being all happy and peaceful. Coincidentally, he also looks tired in this photo. I figure we need to find a way to get on the same page. Everyone likes Joe, so maybe this is a good place to start? <br />
<br /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Pq2DpvEYss/V4-5_KcvcLI/AAAAAAAAFXA/T4YwBGyPmfMTJ7MX-Guu2DKxI4hGigLxwCLcB/s1600/20160709_151917.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Pq2DpvEYss/V4-5_KcvcLI/AAAAAAAAFXA/T4YwBGyPmfMTJ7MX-Guu2DKxI4hGigLxwCLcB/s320/20160709_151917.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-68166501566824986302016-06-13T12:19:00.003-04:002016-06-19T23:04:01.288-04:00Start listeningWhen horrific, tragic events like the shooting in Orlando occur, I'm always hesitant to post, here or anywhere else. I understand why people do. Many want to express their sorrow or anger, or just their support for the affected community. Some feel the effects personally. Some want to help in any way they can, no matter how small. <br>
<br>The problem I have seen, and the reason I avoid posting, is the comments that follow. The bickering over gun control or religious freedom or whether or not our President is a mole <em>(Seriously!?)<strong> </strong></em>or whether or not people in the LGBT community are sinners or whether or not God was at work... It goes on and on and on. The arguments feed the hate and the anger, until both have a life of their own. Instead of using the tragedy as a way to come together, we allow it to tear us apart. <br>
<br>People who share opinions are instantly labeled: Conservative or liberal, republican or democrat, LGBT-friendly, religious, Christian, Muslim, pro-gun, anti-gun. Labels lead to assumptions; we automatically assume that because we know a person's political affiliation or religious practice, we must also know where he stands on gun-control or LGBT rights.<br>
<br>Assumptions are natural, and labels are easy. I'm as guilty as anyone. I read comments and I automatically assume I know where someone stands on any issue. I have leapt to the conclusion that disagreement is personal, and means we can not be friends. <br>
<br>But I have learned that <em>why</em> a person feels the way he does is just as important as <em>what</em> he feels - and how he chooses to express or act upon those feelings is more important than either. <br>
<br>I have also learned that although people may disagree on a defined political or social issue, that very well may agree that a problem exists - and they may even be able to find common ground on a solution.<br>
<br><br>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mgPGdnlitjM/V17cv-RdiwI/AAAAAAAAFOA/f1KxKtsqLmMKyIdbcJGOstZ91vfjCW0kACLcB/s1600/20140618-163629-59789392.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mgPGdnlitjM/V17cv-RdiwI/AAAAAAAAFOA/f1KxKtsqLmMKyIdbcJGOstZ91vfjCW0kACLcB/s320/20140618-163629-59789392.jpg" width="320"></a><div style="border-image: none;"><br></div><div style="border-image: none;"><br></div><div style="border-image: none;"><br></div>My boyfriend and I disagree on a lot of political and social issues. It would be easy for us to label each other as insensitive or foolish or unyielding or hurtful. Instead, we take the time to share and listen. We talk about the issues - not about each other. We don't point fingers - we wonder out loud about what is happening and what should happen, and then share with each other why that may or may not work for everyone. </div>
<br>I have learned more about compassion and love and freedom and understanding and support from this one person than I have from all of the posts and articles I've read combined. He's wise and kind - and that's coming from someone who often disagrees with his point of view. I may not agree with him, but I absolutely respect him. <br>
<br>If I have learned one thing from spending time with someone who disagrees with me on so much, it is this: Nothing will ever change until we are all willing to stop fighting and start listening. Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-87031418575300348672016-04-07T16:44:00.000-04:002016-04-07T16:44:02.352-04:00Fat is not the problemPlus-size, fat, voluptuous... whatever you call us, curvy girls are getting a lot of publicity lately. From <span id="goog_380239243"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/">magazine covers<span id="goog_380239244"></span></a>, to <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2016/04/05/glamour-called-amy-schumer-plus-size-and-shes-not-pleased/82662490/" target="_blank">articles</a>, to a seemingly-harmless post on a friend's Facebook, everyone is talking about fat chicks. Not only the women, but what is OK - and not OK - to say about them.
<br />
<br />
I've spent a lot of time carefully curating the people with whom I surround myself (both online and in real life) so I don't see a lot of negativity (unless I go searching, and I only do that when I'm in a really good mood so I can handle what I find). What I do see (and hear) are a lot of well-intentioned comments that fall just short of their mark. <br />
<br />
There are the obvious insults. Any time a heavy woman posts a photo of herself, the trolls come out in droves. You know, these guys who hide behind the keyboard in their parents' basement, but feel they are in a position to judge another person. <br />
<br />
But to me, those aren't even the worst comments. Sure, being called names is hurtful - but most of us have been called names all our lives. Personally, if I hadn't learned how to handle that kind of insult, I wouldn't have survived past grade school.
<br />
<br />
It's the well-intentioned, but slightly-off-mark, comments that are tough. <br />
<br />
Comments like, "She's fat - <em>but she's still really pretty</em>," or "She's so brave for wearing that (whatever item) with such confidence." Then there's my personal favorite, "That outfit is so <em>flattering</em>."<br />
<br />
Obviously these all sound like compliments. They're meant in a genuine way, and people honestly mean to convey a good, positive message. They never intended to fat-shame - but do they? <br />
<br />
If your comment suggests that it's a surprise for a fat woman to be beautiful or confident - that's fat-shaming. If it suggests that an outfit would look good on a thin woman, but a fat woman has to settle for not looking awful - that's fat-shaming. If you feel the need to excuse or explain or defend a person's fatness, you're suggesting there's something wrong with her - and that's fat-shaming.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m9u9l49i1pc/Vwa8ti3mzvI/AAAAAAAAFIw/ZTvdu1KRXsYNd62rUHOmVKfyOiXqY-10g/s1600/8426f8fe4c96bb680adb2775df74fcc0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m9u9l49i1pc/Vwa8ti3mzvI/AAAAAAAAFIw/ZTvdu1KRXsYNd62rUHOmVKfyOiXqY-10g/s320/8426f8fe4c96bb680adb2775df74fcc0.jpg" width="319" /></a>Use whatever fancy, pretty word you like; the truth is, I'm fat. I'm also brunette, short, 42, white, hazel-eyed, and have a medium complexion. All of those things make up how I look - and all of them could be appealing, or not, to anyone who I encounter. So why is my weight the only thing that makes me "brave?" Or makes people question my confidence? Why is it the one thing that everyone feels the need to excuse? </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<strong><em><br /></em></strong></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<strong><em>That's</em></strong> the real problem. We are all conditioned to think that "fat" is an insult, rather than just another adjective used to describe someone. We, as a culture, have come to believe that fat is some sort of obstacle that people (particularly women) have to overcome. We look at a person who is overweight and assume they are unhappy, unhealthy, and struggling - in life, in relationships, in everything.</div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
We believe this so whole-heartedly, without even realizing it, that we actually get offended when one person calls another person fat. Someone calls me fat, my friends jump to my defense. But if that same person called me short, it would be OK. Why? </div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
My friends believe that "fat" is a problem, and "short" isn't. My friends believe that with just that one word, someone has labeled me as the worst thing anyone can be. <strong><em>That's </em></strong>why they feel the need to defend and excuse my "fatness"<em> (that's auto-corrected twice now, so apparently, it's an actual word)</em>. How dare someone say such a horrible thing about their friend?</div>
<br />
<div style="border-image: none;">
But defending and excusing and explaining only reinforces the idea that "fat" is a problem. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<strong><em>That's</em></strong> the problem. Not the word fat - but what we've all been taught, and continue to teach, is its true meaning. </div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<div style="border-image: none;">
<em><br /></em></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-7221776786820018232016-01-31T15:14:00.001-05:002016-01-31T23:10:45.422-05:00Elevator buttons<p dir="ltr">I watched the movie Inception the other night. It still isn't my favorite, but since it only took me three viewings (over several years) to <i>sort of</i> get it, I'd probably watch it again.</p>
<p dir="ltr">At the end, my boyfriend asked, "So how many buttons are in your elevator?" I stared at him for a beat and he continued, "The buttons were regrets in life."</p>
<p dir="ltr"><i>OK - I said I </i><b><i>sort of</i></b><i> got the movie.</i></p>
<p dir="ltr">I used to have a lot of regrets. I've regretted my contributions to my failed marriage. I've regretted dating men who ultimately hurt me (and some who just never seem to go away). I've regretted career choices, financial choices, and not sticking to a healthier lifestyle.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In the movie, the characters can use the elevator to visit moments they regret. This is presumably to try and relive, and possibly change, those moments (Though that makes little sense, because the elevator only appears in dreams. OK, it's possible I don't really understand this movie at all.)</p>
<p dir="ltr">But actually changing our regrettable moments isn't really possible, anyway - so maybe that's the point? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I came to the conclusion a few years ago that regrets were pointless. I can't go back to those moments and change anything. Honestly, if I could, I'm not even sure I would. There's no way to tell what else I would impact by making even the tiniest change. Why take that risk?</p>
<p dir="ltr">The truth is, life is nothing but a series of decisions strung together. Some good, some wonderful, and some regrettable. But even the worst choices can lead to a positive result.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Maybe I'm naive, or maybe I'm just fooling myself. But it seems to me that every choice - good or bad - is a chance to learn. What works, and what doesn't; who you are, and who you want to become. You learn what makes you happy, and where you want to be. Why would you regret all those lessons?</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have noticed that some of the worst things to happen in my life were preparing me for something so much better. At the time, of course, I couldn't know - and the pain or sadness felt like I'd made a huge mistake. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But knowing what I know now... Why would I regret anything that helped get me where I want to be? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Growing in my faith has taught me that there is a plan much larger than my own - and my regrettable moments are as much a part of that plan as everything else. </p>
<p dir="ltr">When you look at them that way, those moments aren't so bad, after all.<br>
</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OGtcX1BfgRU/Vq7aw6NW3fI/AAAAAAAAEwQ/V7uPmGIcWh0/s1600/dear_god-wallpaper-10238863.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-OGtcX1BfgRU/Vq7aw6NW3fI/AAAAAAAAEwQ/V7uPmGIcWh0/s640/dear_god-wallpaper-10238863.jpg"> </a> </div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7939165368430334769.post-4858901210058483812015-12-30T20:19:00.001-05:002015-12-30T20:26:56.714-05:00A jar full<p dir="ltr">I came across <a href="http://sue215.blogspot.com/2014/12/make-some-mistakes.html">a post from last year</a> in which I wrote a few "goals" (because resolutions never work for me) for 2015. Thought it would be fun to see how I did.</p>
<p dir="ltr">• Get a promotion <b>(check - November 1)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Earn a new designation <b>(whoops)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Travel to someplace I haven't been <b>(check - a fun trip to Fenway Park in July and a lovely trip to Maine in August)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Learn to make something in my crock pot <b>(check - I made Buffalo Chicken Dip and chili for a party a few weeks ago)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Add to my "Rememberlutions Jar" each day <b>(check - not every day, but it's full)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Self-publish a book <b>(I started it, then  got distracted)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Less searching and worrying <b>(check - though this is a work in progress)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• More faith that things will work out on their own <b>(check - also a work in progress)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Napping - because napping is important <b>(check)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">• Make a few mistakes <b>(check)</b></p>
<p dir="ltr">Make mistakes? I added that to a list of goals? The point was if you're not making mistakes, you're not trying anything new. I was telling myself to not be afraid of new people, places, or experiences, no matter how great the risk might seem.</p>
<p dir="ltr">For years, I've been afraid to trust anyone with my heart. I was afraid to let anyone in, because I'd been so hurt in the past. This was one mistake I wasn't willing to risk.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I thought the only way I'd ever let anyone in my life was on my terms - no compromise, no change. That way, I was in complete control and couldn't be hurt. No risk.</p>
<p dir="ltr">If you'd asked me last December if I was willing to set aside all my rules and deal breakers, let go of my worry, take a huge leap of faith, and let someone in - I would have said no.</p>
<p dir="ltr">But I did - and that one risk has brought more light, joy, happiness, and love to my life than I ever thought possible.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Now I'm looking forward to filling a jar for next year with even better adventures, places, and fun.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Here's to 2016 - and another jar full of mistakes!</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-P-dI6uABXM8/VoSEXtS-pHI/AAAAAAAAEjo/CBEnhabpU2k/s1600/20151230_202049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-P-dI6uABXM8/VoSEXtS-pHI/AAAAAAAAEjo/CBEnhabpU2k/s640/20151230_202049.jpg"> </a> </div>Sue Rockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09495983573732369746noreply@blogger.com0