Resolutions

It's been a while - as my friend Chuck Miller has pointed out more than once.

There's no real reason for my absence. Life is good - great, in fact. I guess I've just let writing and sharing get away from me.

I generally don't like to make "new year" resolutions. I know they work for many, but I am pretty bad at the follow through. For years I have tried to avoid the "eat better, exercise more" resolution trap. It always seems to unravel fast and I end up feeling like a failure, which discourages me to the point where I just stop, and so on and on and on.

But if I were to make resolutions... now would be the right time. So here are few things I may try for 2018:

• Write more - blogs, journal entries, letters
• Read more
• Go somewhere new
• Pray more

Now, if all goes well, you will read more from me next week! Until then - here's to a wonderful 2018!

Blog challenge - smells and technology

I love to write but lately, I haven't had a ton of time. When I do, I'm often uninspired. When I am, it's usually political, and who wants to go there?

I came across a 30-day challenge I haven't seen before, and thought I'd give it a shot. Of course I found it late in the day on November 1, so I'm already behind.

The first challenge? A smell I'm grateful for today. A smell? Really? 

I'm going with the smell of the new evergreen candle I bought over the weekend. Evergreen is my favorite smell, next to lilac. I'll burn evergreen candles all year if I have the chance. The problem is the really good smelling candles are expensive, and I go through them quickly because I warm candles rather than burn (kitties and open flames don't mix well). 

I found this candle on sale at Kohl's and I had Kohl's cash - for which I'm also grateful.

The second challenge? Technology for which I am grateful. 

I'm someone who likes convenience and, in general, am happy to pay for more of it in my life. My most long-standing relationship, outside of the one with my cat, is with my phone. Aside from that, I also love my DVR, which allows me to have actual relationships with actual people, and still not miss out on my relationships with my favorite TV characters. 

Days 1 and 2 - done.

Three truths and a fib

We are having a discussion about ice breakers on Facebook. Baking Suit likes them... so far, she's the only one.

Ice breakers are basically an introvert's worst nightmare. If you're a shy introvert (ahem), you'd probably rather have a tooth pulled without pain killer than spend one minute trying to guess a stranger's favorite color.

However....

I'm a reformed shy kid. While I still loathe ice breakers, I have been to enough meetups, blind dates, and speed dates (that's a special kind of hell; don't do it) that I can fake my way through a get-to-know-you kinda game. I just may need a nap after.

Baking Suit is playing an ice breaking game this morning, and asked us to join. So here it goes...

- I can decorate a cake.
- I talk fast, say too much, and get clumsy when I'm nervous.
- When I was a kid, my room was always tidy.
- My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird.

One of these things is not true. Care to guess which?

I resolve...

I was asked today if the blog was still here. After double-checking, I realized it is... just super quiet.

Hopefully I can change that a little in 2014.

For now, I'm just wishing everyone a happy, safe, and wonderful new year!

The truth about my life

One of the best things about Baking Suit is the roughly 8,452 blogs she follows. She finds the best of the internet, and sends it to my inbox. Which is how I came across this post over at A Life Less Bullshit.

The truth is a tricky little thing. It should be simple... but we spend so much time avoiding, denying, or straight-up changing the truth, it becomes kinda hard to recognize.
Eventually, the truth catches up to you, usually at the most unexpected (and least convenient) time. At some point, though, you have to face it - and though that can be a scary thing, it truly is liberating.

When Baking Suit sent me the link, she asked, "What truth would you tell?" I've thought about it...and thought about it...and then thought some more.

The truth is... I am not always happy in my life. Overall I'm happy, every single day. I can always find something to be happy about - and no matter what, I always, always look. But sometimes, it's hard to find a smile.

Lately, money has been my biggest worry. I can blame my financial woes on the economy, or divorce, or taxes - but the truth is, I like to shop. I use it as a distraction from reality and worries and responsibility.

But here's the rub... If money is the worry, shopping is maybe not the best way to manage.

That can lead to more more depression...which, for me, leads to poor eating habits. Sure, my gender, age, and a couple of health issues make weight-loss a challenge.

But the real truth is... I'm an emotional eater. When I'm depressed (as I have been recently), I eat to make myself feel better. Is that a healthy way to approach food? No. Do I know that needs to change. Yes. But it is an added challenge to the whole weight-loss thing. Add that to the fact that I find exercise boring and time-wasting, uncomfortable, and occasionally painful) and the truth is, losing weight is hard.

I know I need to change my truth. First I need to fix the whole money issue, and figure out a way to distract and entertain myself that doesn't involve spending irresponsibly. I need to figure out a way to fix the depression, and that will hopefully be the first step in fixing the eating habits.

I know that won't be easy - but I also know that admitting the truth is necessary, before I can ever hope to make a change. I'm hopeful this is a good start.

At the very least, maybe my truth will help someone else realize she's not the only one who drowns her sorrows in chocolate - or in the shoe department.

Random Friday thoughts

I have a bunch of thoughts in my head, but I can't seem to complete a post. Friday Fill-ins had nothing new for me today, so you're getting a stream of consciousness. 

» Still avoiding the publish button on those drafts I wrote earlier this week. They may go up next week, simply because I can't stand having unfinished business. If people get upset - eh. Haters gonna hate, I s'pose.

» Joe is on an anti-biotic. Have you ever tried giving a cat a liquid medication using an oral syringe? Good times.

» My hair has officially gotten too long, and I'm four weeks away from next appointment.

» Large vet bills mean I have less money, which makes me hyper-aware of every dollar I spend. I'm currently in a no-spending mode, which is why I'm particularly happy that the Alive at Five concert series starts soon. Free is right within my budget.

» Pasta dishes are a great way to lower the grocery bill, but if I'm going to be eating more pasta, I should probably make at least some of it whole grain. Not all - that's just crazy talk.

» I'm volunteering on Sunday for Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood, running their public info table at Tulip Fest in the afternoon. The public info section is behind the kids zone, between the amphitheatre seating and the playground. Stop by and say hello. We give out free stuff.

Here's a picture of Shemar Moore from his Facebook page. You're welcome.

If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is.

A couple things

I wrote two posts for this week, but don't have the courage to hit publish. One is about friendship, the other about being single. Both could potentially make people angry, and I'm not in a confrontational mood right now.

Joe had to see a neurologist last week (For those who don't know, Joe is my kitty. He's an only child since his older sister passed away in March.) I'm waiting for the results of some tests, to find out if more tests are needed or if there is a recommended treatment. I'm scared that he won't be OK, that I won't be able to afford proper treatment, or that he'll be in pain. Mostly, I'm just scared to lose another friend.

I have several projects that have to be done at my house, which are currently on hold until I sort out the money issue. It appears I'll be staining my own deck (Baking Suit has offered to help. She's organizing a twitter party.) I had planned to hire someone to take care of the deck, but I'm thinking it's more responsible to handle that myself, since it's a fairly easy do-it-yourself sort of project.

Lastly, The Cornerstone Group is planning Diamonds in the Rough. The event is being held June 13 - details to follow, but I expect to be a bit preoccupied with that for the next few weeks.

But the weather is nice, I was able to lay in the sun this weekend, and I made my Little smile. Life is full of wonderful - sometimes you just have to look a little more closely.

Coffee date - time to write

I visited Rags to stitches this morning, and Alissa is talking about finding time in her busy schedule to write and blog.

I give her a lot of credit for doing the vlog (video blog); that idea is very intimidating to me. I think I'll just stick with typing words on the screen you can read. In your head, feel free to imagine me beautiful and very perky.

As for finding time to write....I write whenever I'm inspired. If I get inspired and I can't write, I make a note (usually on my phone, though I've been known to actually put a pen to paper if necessary) of the idea, maybe even write a few lines. When I come back to the post, it usually flows quickly because it's already started.

I also write in my head. In the shower and the car especially, I'm often thinking about topics, and what I might want to say.

As for when I actually form the posts on the site and click "publish" - I do that whenever I have time. On breaks/lunch at my full-time job and in waiting rooms are a favorite. When I don't have enough time there, I try to pick one night a week to work on various writing projects, and give myself a couple hours on the weekend.

I admit, sometimes I'm behind on what I want to do - or I forget completely. I'm working on getting more organized. As I said to a friend the other day: Balance is hard, yo.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
For more Cats who can't wait for St. Patrick's Day - click here.

                         

NaBloPoMo - Blogging everyday

How does it feel to blog everyday?

I couldn't actually tell you. I don't have time to blog everyday. A lot of posts (even some for this project) are scheduled ahead of time, so I can write when I'm free to do so.

I'm also not crazy about writing prompts. Some questions, I really like. Some get me thinking, and writing, about things I wouldn't have come up with on my own. But some questions are just downright silly, and really not anything to which I can relate.

But, whatever - when I commit to a project like this, the big thing (in my mind) is to finish what I start. So I did.

Now I think I'll take December off.

NaBloPoMo - New blogs

I'm always looking for new blogs to read. Reading blogs helps keep me sane during the workday, and entertained while I'm in waiting rooms or on trains.

Three new blogs I've found in the past year that I would recommend are:

Just Life: Take Two
Kateri von Steal comments here and on another blog I author. Her blog is fun to read, and fun to look at.

Courtney Sanik and then some
She's a friend of mine, who also writes elsewhere. I have long-enjoyed her "other" project, but this year really started paying attention to this blog, as well. She's wonderful and sparkly.

BlogHer
I'd heard of this site before, but never paid it much attention until I started doing this NaBloPoMo writing project.

NaBloPoMo - Locked in?

I dislike the question

If you had to be locked in some place (amusement park, book store, etc) overnight alone, where would you choose?

I wouldn't - because that's creepy. Don't you people watch horror movies?

NaBloPoMo - Favorite place to blog

I occasionally blog at work. I find it relaxing to step outside the craziness on my desk and take some time to focus on writing.

When I'm home, I'll blog anywhere. The sofa, my bed, the deck. The one thing I don't like is a lot of noise distracting me. Mostly my home is quiet, and I can go anywhere and find enough peace to crank out a little inspiration.

When I hit a blogging wall, I usually turn on the TV, or get out of the house to distract myself. Going to the gym, or a walk, or just a drive will clear my head enough and get me back on track.

Of course, then I'm not near my netbook. That's when I start sending emails to myself on my phone with blog ideas.

NaBloPoMo - Dream job

My dream job has always been to be a professional writer. I suppose technically, I am, since I make money from some of my writing. But I don't earn a living as a blogger; I barely earn spending money.

I suppose it would be easy enough to turn writing into my career. At this point, I could just tell people that's what I do; eventually, that's how people would see me, and - BAM! I'm a writer.

The trick is to actually earn enough money from writing to pay my bills. A little more difficult.

My bills are big. Writing earnings are not - at least, not at first, and there's no guarantee they ever would be.

So, I suppose in reality, my dream job is one that pays my bills, and fills my closet. Which makes my current job a dream job.

Or a nightmare.

Who, me?

I puffy-pink heart Baking Suit for many, many reasons. Her love of shoes, her sunny way of looking at life, her WTF feature, and the fact that she always brings me baked goods are just a few of my favorite things about this fabulous lady.

One of her favorite bloggers gave her an award....which she has passed on to me. I'm not sure why - but I certainly appreciate the thought!

As a recipient, I agree to:

1. Thank the blogger who gave it to me, and share a link back to her awarding blog. {Done}
2. Name five fabulous moments in my life.
3. Name five things that I love.
4. Name five things that I hate.
5. Pass the award on to five deserving bloggers.

Here we go....

Five Fabulous Moments
* Signing paperwork to purchase my house on my own
* Buying my own car (without a husband or a dad cosigning)
* Hosting a rather successful fundraiser
* Earning my CPCU Designation.
* The moment I realized I had an awful lot to live for, and I could do this on my own.

Five Things I Love (Like Baking Suit, my list does not include family, friends, or kitties, which are all givens)
* Chocolate
* Derek Jeter
* Sushi
* Shemar Moore
* Shopping

Five Things I Hate
* Ignorance
* Cooked Carrots
* Animal Cruelty
* Bigotry or discrimination of any kind
* Spelling and grammatical errors

Five Deserving Bloggers (To whom I'm passing on this award)
* Amanda
* DerryX
* Angela
* Stephanie
* Girl's Got Shine
(I spend a lot of time at timesunion.com/blogs when I should be working!)

Thirty Days of Me: Day Thirty

The challenge for day thirty.... A photograph of yourself today and three good things that happened in the last thirty days.

The best thing that happened in the last thirty days was my birthday party. As a member of the Cornerstone Group, which handles all the fundraising for Girls Inc., I participated in a challenge to host a mini-fundraising event in July. I chose to host a charity birthday party.

Several of my friends donated items from their businesses, including:

Stella & Dot
Madison Handbags
Thirty One
Ambiance Florals & Events
Partylite
Avon
Mr. Subb

A lot of my friends joined together and helped me celebrate by coming to my party, and/or making a donation to Girls Inc. as their gift to me. Baking Suit helped me a ton, and deserves a lot of thanks, and credit, as does my friend who helped me get a food donation (She's got an in with the food broker).

What else happened this month?

I freaking love these shoes. Thanks again, Baking Suit.

Well, there was the actual birthday, which I spent with wonderful company. We went on a boat ride, had a wonderful dinner, and I got a nice surprise. I also got some fabulous presents from friends and family, in addition to the donations.

I went on vacation. I spent my vacation raising a bunch of money for Girls Inc. ($588 thankyouverymuch!), attending smAlbany (and being interviewed about the experience), and waking up to a play-doh breakfast prepared by my favorite two-year-old. I spent some time with my Little, and visited the Vanderbuilt Mansion in Hyde Park. I even had a milkshake from Dairy Queen!

It wasn't a romantic vacation on a beach in Mexico - and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

In the last 35 years, science has given us things like cell phones, digital music, and cloning.
But this stuff still smells as bad as it did in 1977. What the hell?

I'm skipping the photograph of myself. You've gotten plenty of those over the last 30 days, and the pictures from my vacation are much more fun to look at, anyway.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Nine

The challenge for day twenty nine.... Something you never get tired of doing.

You know where I was going with this, don't you? But this is a family blog (sorta). So....

This. Blogging is something I never get tired of doing. I love to write, I love to share, and even though I'm not terribly successful - I'm satisfied with what I've done so far.

This is also not the only blog I author. So when you notice a lag in posts here - it's usually because my attention is focused elsewhere. It never means I've stopped writing.

I don't expect that will ever be the case.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Eight

The challenge for day twenty eight.... Your favorite movie.

No man is a failure, who has friends.

This isn't easy. I love a lot of movies, for a lot of reasons.

I love anything by Kevin Smith because his dialogue is smart, funny, and relatable.

I love Sex and the City (the first movie) because it really helped me through a difficult time, by teaching me that friends really can help you get through anything.

But the movie I love the most? Probably It's a Wonderful Life. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I watch it, or with how many different people; on the big screen, or on my teeny, tiny television at home. Every time I see the movie, it brings back fond memories, of decorating my tree, while the dog slept in the corner.

It reminds me that no matter how bad things seem, you never really know when life will turn around and get better. The catch is - you have to hold on.

And it reminds me that no matter what - if you have friends who love you, you really are as rich as you'll ever need to be.

     And literally every time I watch the end....I cry happy tears.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Seven

The challenge for day twenty seven.... Put your iPod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.

I don't have an iPod anymore; I never bothered to replace the one that was stolen three years ago. I don't really listen to music that often.

When I do - it's usually Pandora. So when I put my homemade Pandora station on, these are the first 10 songs that played:

You Don't Belong - Daughtry
The Way I Are - Timbaland
By the Way - Hinder
Piece of Me - Britney Spears
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band
Pop - NSync
L.O.V.E - Ashlee Simpson
Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season - Jimmy Buffet
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

What?

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Six

The challenge for day twenty six.... How have you changed in the last five years.

Let's see.... Five years ago was July, 2007. I had just turned 33 years old. I was still married - and happily. I thought my biggest problem was the ant infestation found when we replaced the sliding glass door in my kitchen. I had no idea how to handle the situation, and completely freaked out.

I worked for an insurance carrier, and thought I wanted a different job, but wasn't doing anything about it. I was the primary earner and we had a mortgage. We had a mortgage, which means we had a house. I took care of the inside; I had no idea how to care for the outside, how to use a tool, and I had no inclination to learn.

I believed I'd never need to know, because that was why I got married in the first place.

I was quiet, and shy. I wouldn't even walk into a restaurant first, let alone solo. I didn't have a lot of friends, and spent most of my time with my husband. I thought that was normal.

Five years later.... I'm not married. As it turned out, July 2007 was the last July I would be.

I no longer work for that insurance carrier. My job was eliminated as part of a corporate buyout. I still have the job that replaced it, which is largely the same. I'm more okay with it now than I was then. That doesn't stop me from trying to branch out and do a little for myself - something I wouldn't have done five years ago.

Most of the friends I have, I've made in the last five years. In fact, some of my closest friends are people I've met in the last two years. I regularly walk into situations solo, where I don't know anyone, and I don't think very many people would describe me as shy anymore.

I'm still introverted....but I think most people don't realize that's not the same thing as shy. Basically, being outgoing and extroverted is an effort for me, and it isn't my comfort zone. Something I've learned in the last five years is that sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zone to survive.

I hang pictures, wall paper border, build furniture, mow the lawn, shovel the driveway. I've learned what I can do, what I can't, and what I just want to hire out.

The ants are gone - and five years later, I'm much better at dealing with my own problems.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Twenty Five

The challenge for day twenty five.... Something that you miss.

I thought and thought about this challenge. The truth is....as much as I like my things, I don't miss things. In life, I think things come and go, and are easily replaced.

Sure, some things carry a sentimental value, which is irreplaceable. But even if you lose a sentimental item, those feelings and memories aren't lost. Eventually, I think you find you don't really need the item to hold onto the memory.

So what do I miss? People. I have a terrible time letting go of people in my life.

They say people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I do believe that...and I know there are people who've come into my life who weren't meant to stay forever. But that doesn't make them any less important.

In fact, sometimes those "reason or season" people are the most important, and bring the most good and the most happiness. Then suddenly - they're gone.

I never take it well. Eventually, I come to terms with what is, and accept that these weren't "forever" people. I accept it - but sometimes, I still miss them.

I've never been good at goodbye.