RSVP

So - I moved. I'll be talking more about that next week. In the meantime, I wanted to chat about something that's been on my mind for a while.

RSVP - Request for a response to an invitation (from French: répondez s'il vous plaît).

When people send an invitation, they usually need to know who is coming. You know, to plan food, seating, parking, entertainment, budget, etc. Sometimes a week is enough notice - sometimes it's not. Either way, if you receive an invitation that requests a response by a certain date, the polite thing to do is respond by that date. If you can't commit - then your answer is no. It is not the host's job to accommodate your unpredictable schedule.

I get multiple invites each week, primarily for events on Facebook. The other day, I received two in the mail.

Facebook events don't always have an RSVP date. But whether there is or there isn't, the process is the same:

Read the invite
Decide if I want to go
Check my calendar
     If it's open, I add the event and reply yes.
     If it's not, I reply no.

If the first event is something that can be moved, and the second one is important enough, I might make a change.

Either way, the whole process only takes about 5 minutes - 10 tops.

So there's really no good reason it should ever take weeks to reply to an event.

Unless you really don't want to go... in which case, you should just say no in the first place.

To the guy who...

To the guy who sat behind me in church last week... Stop yelling. I came here to listen to the Pastor and the Worship Team, not you.

To the guy who sat next to me in church last week... Move over! We're not on a date. Get out of my personal space.

To the guy who sat next to me (on the other side) in church last week... Not everyone should sing.

To the usher who sees me at church every week... Yes, I'm here alone - again. Don't punish me by asking me to climb over 8 people to fill that single seat. Also, stop trying to seat me next to single men.

To my Pastor... You clearly believe God is all-powerful and all-knowing. Created the universe, performs miracles, etc. Are you absolutely certain He can't hear me when I'm sitting down?

To the couple who exited just ahead of me... The doorway is the least helpful place for you to stop and argue about which door you should use.

To God... I went inside while it was 90s and muggy. I came out to 70s and beautiful. Perfect baseball weather. Thanks for the rain!

A good day for hot chocolate

It's April...but you'd never know it by standing outside. Yes, April in New York is often rainy and sometimes a little gloomy - but it should be warmer than 33 degrees.

I was checking out Rags to Stitches this morning. I'm always a little bummed that I can't view the video at work. As I write this, I don't know what Alissa tells us during her coffee date - but I figured I'd share the link, and what I'd say if we were having coffee (hot chocoate for me) today.

- I spent a little more than I meant to at Sephora yesterday. They were having a VIB Event (for reward card holders), so I had a coupon. Spending a certain amount got you a free tote with samples. I usually spend "a certain amount" in Sephora anyway...and yesterday was no exception.

- Last weekend was rough for me. Too much going on, and I had people coming at me from all kinds of directions. I'm hoping this weekend will be a little more boring.

- The Cornerstone Group is in the home-stretch of putting together this year's auction. It looks like it will be a really fun time, and for a really good cause! We'd love to see you there. (Follow this link if you'd like to purchase a ticket or donate to Girls Incorporated of the Greater Capital Region.)

- Speaking of, I need an outfit. Choosing a wardrobe this time of year is such a challenge. The calendar says we should be able to wear lighter clothes (both in color and fabric). The aforementioned temps, however, suggest I should be bundled up in wool.

- Whatever I do, my shoes won't be white. No worries.

- I was going to tell you about my current pet peeves - but then I realized one of them was people who whine and complain, and that's exactly what I'd be doing.

- So I'll just tell you that sometimes people bug me, just a little. Another reason why this weekend needs to be boring.

Happy Friday!

Kids and movies

Let me preface this by saying that, though I prefer them to be the variety I can hand back to parents at the end of the day, I really do like kids. Having none of my own allows me to be choosy, and I choose to spend time with the good ones. Sorry if that offends.

I was 3-years-old the first time my dad took me to a movie in a theater. Star Wars: A New Hope. Yes, the original release - let's not discuss how old that makes me.

I don't remember much, but my dad assures me I talked my way through the whole movie. The people around us were, apparently, not amused. My dad did not bring me back to a theater for a movie until after I was in school.

Proper etiquette was always a big deal. Arrive on time (early, even) to avoid disrupting others looking for a seat. Don't get up in the middle of the movie unless it's an emergency. If you're going to snack, do so quietly - no one wants to hear your wrapper crinkling or your soda slurping in the middle of the big scene. Don't talk sort of went without saying. Just because your feet can reach the seat in front of you doesn't mean they should touch.

Breaking these rules was never acceptable. I was told once, it was explained to me why, I never questioned. Had I pushed the limit, I suspect it would have been a few more years before I set foot in another movie theater.

(By the way, the rules are even stricter at a live performance; something I learned when I was 5-years-old and my mother took me to see Annie on Broadway).  

So the other day, I went to a movie in the afternoon. Parental Guidance is rated PG, so the local discount theater was showing it at 1:20 PM. Just because a movie is playing at that hour doesn't automatically mean it's OK for little kids - but apparently, many think that's the case. The theater was full of small children.

Personally, I didn't think the movie was OK for little kids. First, it was way too long. Second, some of the themes in the movie were too difficult for a small child to understand - which would add to the boredom. There wasn't any inappropriate language or scenes, but I'm not convinced that just because a kid can make it through a movie without needing therapy doesn't mean he should.

Most of these kids were, I'd guess, at least 8 years old. Some were a little older, there may have been one or two even a little younger. Definitely all school age. Yet, it wasn't long before I noticed these kids were not really that well-behaved. They talked - a lot. They kicked seats in front of them. They get out of their seats and ran around the theater. They made a lot of noise.

It made me wonder why their parents are not teaching them better - or why aren't they listening. I mean - they're all the age I was when I was taught not to behave this way. So what's the problem?

Then, I started to notice something else....

Adults getting up and climbing over people to leave the theater in the middle of the movie...the woman next to me eating candy from a cellophane wrapper and not even trying to do so quietly...the couple behind me having a conversation.

Apparently, in order to be a good kid, you need to start with a good example. This says a lot about the parents of my favorite kids.

Thanks again, Dad.

Material girl

I'll admit it - I like stuff. If you know me well enough to have ever been in my house, that is not a surprise. I have a crap-ton of stuff - decorations, furniture, clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry... The list goes on and on - and on.

I suppose some people think that makes me materialistic. Well, I don't suppose - I know some people see me that way. Which is perfectly fine - stuff makes me happy, and I'm not ashamed. I guess the only thing I don't like is the implication that somehow makes me a bad person.

Dictonary.com defines Materialistic as:

Excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of material things, rather than spiritual, intellectual, moral, or cultural values.

See, what I object to is the idea that you have to choose between wanting nice things, and being a good person. Am I "excessively concerned" with my jewelry collection? Some might say so. But it's not like I'd sell a person into human trafficking to support my Stella & Dot habit. If I had to choose between making a donation to a worthy cause or shopping at Sephora - I'd probably alternate back and forth. Sort of a one for you, one for me kinda thing.

I may like "stuff" but I am very aware that it is not the most important thing in the world. I take good care of my shoes and clothes because I love them. But if I woke to find my house on fire, I'd grab my cats and get out of there - because in the end, I know stuff can always be replaced.

Without a doubt, volunteering is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I maintain healthy relationships with friends; I don't lie, I give advice or help where it's needed, and I'm polite. I go to church, where I'm reminded about what really matters. I read and keep up on what is going on in the world, which makes me very aware how lucky I am to be in a position to offer help to others, rather than needing to ask for help myself.

I know it's important to keep my spiritual, moral, cultural, and intellectual values in check. I know it's important to do what I can to make the world a better place. No one can fix everything, but we can all fix something.

I just don't see any reason why I can't be wearing cute shoes and earrings while I'm doing my share of the fixing.

Put away your white

I posted this on facebook yesterday, to a mixed reaction.

And by mixed, I mean I say no, and five friends said yes. The sixth friend said he prefers reflective silver year-round. I suspect he was making a joke.

Back to my answer....I don't wear white after Labor Day. But let me be clear - the rule, as it was taught to me, is nothing below the waist after Labor Day. So a crisp white shirt? Fine, though in colder months I'm more likely to layer that under a sweater anyway.

White shoes? I'm not likely to wear purely white shoes any time of the year. I do put my shoes with white in them in winter retirement until Memorial Day.

White pants? You'd have to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart to get me in a pair, anyway, but if I wore them - they would also be resting now.

No white shoes means no white purses because, well, it won't look right.

That is such an old-fashioned rule. People still stick to that?

A lot of things are old-fashioned. Doesn't necessarily make them wrong. The idea of a bride wearing white at her wedding is certainly old-fashioned, and people still pay thousands to do so. How about eating with the proper utensils? That's old-fashioned - but (most civilized) people still do.

I was taught the no-white rule by my grandmother (Nanny). You may say, well see, it's a dated tradition - and that's fine. If you want to wear white after Labor Day, have at it. I don't need the guilt and judgment from the hereafter, nor do I think a pair of white polka-dotted wedges is worth worrying about what will happen should I run into Nanny in heaven.

Besides - if an idea stands the test of time, and still makes sense, is it old-fashioned? Or is really just classic? I wouldn't wear velvet or wool or tweed in the summer, either. Is that idea old-fashioned - or is it just practical?

Stacy and Clinton tell me it's OK to wear white any time of year.

By all accounts I could find, this is true. There are entire posts about how to rock white all year round.

I choose not to, because it's how I was taught. Nanny also taught me to say please, write thank you notes, be a gracious house-guest, how to set a proper table, and do dishes. I suppose some people also consider those ideas to be old-fashioned as well.

Each generation is different, and everyone should think for herself. Nanny taught me an awful lot that I don't follow, and believe me when I say I've done a lot of things that would not have made her proud. But some of what she taught just makes sense....

So I don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.

I never really liked Whitney Houston

I don't really trust celebrities (except for him). I figure their job is to portray a certain image; I portray an image that's not me at my job, so I can only imagine how motivated all that wealth and power makes them to pretend.

But celebrities are still flawed, imperfect people. Sometimes, the bigger you are, the harder you really do fall. At the very heart of it, a celebrity is just a person. Each has her own history and experiences that have shaped who she is, the choices she makes, and how she reacts. A person may not deserve sympathy for having been a celebrity; but that doesn't mean she was without her problems.

When those problems are big enough - sometimes, it becomes impossible to hide them. Whitney Houston was a celebrity who stopped pretending to be perfect years ago. She made a lot of mistakes, and regardless of what actually killed her, her choices probably contributed.

Except for a brief period in junior high, I was never a big fan; but I can certainly understand why so many loved her, even if I didn't. Her music touched a lot of hearts and lives, and she had a family who truly cared for and will miss her. My heart breaks for them; my heart breaks for anyone who loses someone so young. Regardless of her choices, that's something no family deserves.

Her celebrity, and her legacy, made her death world-wide  news. I personally don't want to hear any more about a celebrity dying other than, "She died." I figure the rest is really not my business, unless charges are filed somewhere (public record and all). She passed away on a Saturday night; by Thursday, I was tired of hearing "Whitney Updates" on the radio and TV. Updates? What's to update? She's still dead, right?

The coverage got so out of control that a week later, CNN broadcast the funeral. Seriously? I only caught a few minutes because it was on the TV at the gym. I looked up and immediately noticed two things.

Most of the family was wearing sunglasses - and Jesse Jackson was sitting right up front, in full view of the camera, slouched over with his legs spread wide.

What. The. Hell?!

Yes, she was a celebrity, and comes from a celebrity family. All her friends were celebrities. She died suddenly. My feelings on the "world's leading news network" broadcasting it aside, the funeral was a big deal. She was a prominent African-American artist - so it makes sense that with all the pomp and circumstance surrounding the funeral, Jesse Jackson would show up. It even (I suppose) makes sense he'd be sitting with the family. It might even make sense he be sitting right where the camera would be on his the whole time.

But you would think that a man of his stature, at an event of this size and importance, would know how to sit. You'd think he'd at least know he should sit up straight, and at least pretend to look like he was paying attention.

I mean - he's a celebrity. Isn't pretending part of the game?

I may never have been a big fan of Ms. Houston - but I'd say she deserved at least that much on this one day.

Movie Monday: Etiquette

I had one of the worst experiences in a movie theater this weekend. The movie was excellent (Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol - go see it) but the audience was scarier than Jason and Freddy fighting to your death.

Not only did people not move over,  making the task of finding a seat nearly impossible, but the people sitting around us would not shut up. At all. Through the whole movie. Add to that the fact that they kept getting up and climbing over each other to leave the theater or change seats (and hitting my chair while they did so) - I was ready to go ghost protocol on them.

You're in a movie theater. The whole purpose is to watch the freakin' movie. Don't talk. Don't get on your phone. Don't get up and leave (unless you need to talk or get on your phone; in that case, don't come back til you're done).

While you're at it...

Chew with your mouth closed...don't hog the arm wrest (especially if the person next to you is not your date or friend)...unwrap noisy candy packages before the movie starts...don't burp...or fart...sit still and be quiet.

Basically, act like you didn't grow up living in a barn with other animals. Behave in a way that your mom wouldn't want to disavow you.

Move over

We arrived to church on Sunday (I know, right?!) a little late. We found empty seats in the middle of an aisle, so we had to excuse ourselves past this woman who was sitting close to the end of the row.

The row in front of us was largely empty as well - in the middle. Another group came in after us, and had to climb over the three people sitting at the end of that row.

It got me thinking - in these situations, when someone needs the seats, why do we let someone climb over us? Why don't we just move over, and give them the seats on the aisle? To that end, why don't we just sit in the middle of an aisle in the first place? That way, stragglers don't have to climb their way to a seat, interrupting us, the people sitting near us, and in some cases, the speaker or performer.

That's a good seat.

In situations where we've paid for a particular seat, I can understand. But in those cases, everyone should be in their seats before the show/performance/speech/whatever starts. You can always exit the aisle, let people take their seats, and then sit down.

In general admission, first-come seating arrangements, though, it doesn't make sense to me. What is it that makes us so attached to those aisle seats? Easier to get up for the restroom or to take a call? I hope not. Adults should be able to sit still for a couple of hours. Are we worried about an easy escape? That seems a bit extreme.

Or is it just that someone points and asks, "Is that seat available," and we're that incapable of thinking outside the box?