Monday, January 31, 2011

Get what you deserve

Speaking of forgiveness....

Do you have that friend who "always ends up with crazy exes," or puts up with the boyfriend drama because, "He's always been like that; it's who he is, nothing personal." Or maybe they're okay with the crazy, Jerry-Springer-esque lifestyle because, "it's normal, isn't it?" They learn to live with drama and nonsense; make excuses for it, even. They decide that the hurt and anger are going to be a part of their life because...well, I'm not sure why. Because they don't think they deserve better, maybe?  

If you end up with crazy exes, it's because you're looking for crazy - not because it finds you. You get out of your relationships what you put into them. So if you're getting crazy, hot-mess, unhappy or unhealthy... well, you can probably guess where I'm going with this. Look in the mirror, take stock - and make some changes.

It's okay to be unsure what you want. It's okay to look past certain things once you fall in love. It's also okay to get to the point where you're done making excuses. It's okay to say to yourself, "No, I'm not perfect. But I give better than this, and I deserve better in return." Figure out what you really want - and then give yourself permission to go and find it.

That doesn't make you a bad person. It's not weak to give up on something once you've tried everything. It's also not weak to forgive yourself for whatever you did to "deserve" that treatment; or to forgive the person who treated you badly.

It takes a lot of strength to stop accepting your life the way it is and make the decision to change things for the better.


  1. I used to be in the "it was all her fault" camp. Then I realized that, for a myriad of reasons, it just wasn't meant to be with ex X, Y, and Z. Now that I'm a bit older, I can look back and see it was never just one-sided, that in many cases, I contributed to the demise of a relationship. I also try to remember exes as not just "psychos" but for their good qualities as well.

  2. I was in the "it was all him" camp for a long while before I finally realized that it takes two to break (and make) any relationship.

    I get frustrated with exes who say it was all me. Equally as frustrating are friends who blame others for what's wrong in their life. Could be a partner or family or whatever - it's always someone else's fault that things are the way they are.

    Eventually, we all have to grow up and realize that we play a part in whatever's gone wrong in our life. Blaming others is just a way to hide from the truth.

  3. Love this post for a number of reasons....mainly this: I grew up in a hyper judgmental family and as a result am constantly giving people breaks...I don't want to pass judgment about someone's personality, actions, etc... even when it comes to their behavior with me, since we all have different ways we handle emotions. I am at war with myself most of the time because of it...should I let their behavior slide (and who the hell am I to make commentary) or am I making excuses because I don't want to demand better?
    Then I read your line, "I give better than this, and I deserve better in return." Wow. That really sums it up, doesn't it?

  4. Anonymous - it does (and thank you!). You get what you give. If you're giving better, you deserve better, too. You can still give someone a break - maybe it is "normal" for them, or they don't know any better. Doesn't mean you have to be a part of it, though. Ya know? :)

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