I'm not now, nor have I ever been, the prettiest girl. I'd describe myself as average. (Except my style and my hair; those are above average. Deal.) *shrugs*
As a kid, I was teased. Others didn't like me. Parents and teachers favored my peers over me. It should have turned me into a bitch. It should have made me that person who is only looking out for herself. You know her; the woman who uses others to get what she needs, then discards them as though they never mattered at all. I've been through enough loss as an adult that I should be turned off from love; unwilling to put myself out there, afraid to trust or let anyone in.
But I'm not that person; I never have been. My whole life, I've been the one to invest all of myself and my feelings in any relationship - with family, friends, love, everything. I'm honest and upfront. I put myself out there, and put all my feelings on the line - and they always, always get stomped on.
Think I'll ever learn? I hope not. I've met that bitch who uses people to get what she wants. Who lies and cheats and carries herself in an unflattering way. She finds people at their most vulnerable, gets what she can, and then leaves them in the dust. She's only concerned with her own feelings; what she wants, what she needs, and how others can help her.
I may not be the fairest of them all, but I never want to be that ugly.
I'm that girl, too! I've learned to embrace it and pay it forward! I've taught my own kids to be respectful of others and, in fact, to stick up for those that are picked on... sometimes it has back-fired on me (on them actually) and I've wondered if I had done the right thing. I know that I did! Ultimately, it has made my kids into better people. I never want to be the UGLY person! Thanks for being so honest. It is refreshing.
ReplyDeleteYou are more beautiful than the users will ever be. I am like you, too. I love passionately and give a lot of myself and get walked on or walked out on because of it. It's taken me a long time to realize that the problem is not me, it's them. I can love and care and give all I can to friends, to significant others, but in the end, it is up to them if they want to receive my love. Some people prefer not to have love. Some are content with being unattached and uncommitted. I like me how I am and I am unapologetic for being the kind of person who people can count on. It can be pretty lonely sometimes, but I shudder at the thought of being the opposite. I'm glad I read your blog. It validates me. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks to you both. I don't always feel all that beautiful on the outside. It helps to remind myself that there's more to beauty than just what I see in the mirror.
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