Just About the Best

After I knew it wasn't going to work out with my "transitional guy," I started thinking about what I wanted. The truth was, I had no idea. I was new to dating and just worried about how to meet people - I never really thought about who I was meeting. I ended up meeting and/or dating several not-so-great guys. Guys who were stuck on themselves, guys with questionable views - and some guys who were just plain jerks. I even went on two of the most boring dates ever - one I barely made it through. [I nearly left him in the restaurant.]

I was meeting people, but not with a lot of enthusiasm. I was spending a lot of time at my cousins' downstate, and my best friend was staying with me. I had work, the gym, my house, my friends - I was fine. I really wasn't interested in anything more than the occasional date. 

I honestly struggled with the idea that I could have criteria - that there could be guys to whom I said, "No." Ever since I was a teenager, I'd believed that I needed to just find someone who cared for me - and then stick with that person. It never even occurred to me that I should be out there looking for someone for whom I cared.  

Then one day, out of nowhere, I thought - Wait a minute. Why shouldn't I have criteria? I'm cool, cute, smart, funny, successfull, independent... [You're nodding, right? Louder, please. I can't hear you.] Okay, so maybe it didn't come out of nowhere. I'd been through a lot, and had worked really hard to get to this place. But all that was going on while I wasn't focused on dating, so it felt like it came out of nowhere.

Anyway, I did a complete overhaul. First, I cleaned up my contacts (email, phone, facebook, etc.) Anyone who had ever treated me as an option, and not a priority - gone. Anyone who was critical or controlling - done. Anyone who had just plain blown me off - hasta la vista, baby.

Then I redid my online profile, so that I was putting out there what I wanted to get back. I tried to be clear and honest about what I was looking for. I changed what profiles I viewed, and started to be really careful about who I contacted, or to whom I replied. If you had grammar or spelling errors in your profile - forget it. If you had no criteria - pass. I was looking for someone who was smart, funny, who knew what he wanted - but wanted to have fun while he was looking. A confident guy - but not cocky. [Click here if you're not sure what the difference is.]

Friends said I was being too picky. I said, we're talking about my happy, darn it, which I worked really hard to find. Call it what you want - picky, choosy, guarded - I would be all those things and more if it meant protecting my happy. If it meant I was alone for a while - or even forever - well, that was just fine.

Turns out - that was just about the best advice I ever gave myself.