Thursday, September 2, 2010

Jerk Alert

It's my experience that getting to know yourself and what you want is as big a part of dating as meeting people. But obviously - meeting new people is sort of a given if you're going to date. I've mentioned before that I had some success in meeting people online. Most of the people I met were decent - but that doesn't mean there weren't a few 'jerks' in the mix.

The site where I met the most people is Plenty of Fish. It's a totally free website - so it makes sense there are more profiles out there, which means more people to meet. It also increases the jerk-factor. That's fine though - if part of dating is learning what you are looking for, then learning how to spot what you don't want is an important part of the process.

You may have met this guy if.... 
I was actively using my account to meet people for close to a year. In that year, I had exchanges with guys. Everyone's taste is different, and a guy who I'm not interested in will probably end up being the love of someone's life. But I did come up with a few guidelines for jerk-spotting (in my humble opinion, anyway). Here they are, in no particular order:

  • He repeatedly sends you the same email over and over (I'm talking word for word)
  • He sends you that first "Hi, nice to meet you" email - after you've already talked (double-jerk points if he does this after you've gone on a date)
  • He asks, especially in your first conversation, when you last had sex - and shares that same information about himself (overshare, my friend)
  • He expects to get in your car and/or find out where you live on the first date
  • He yells at you via IM for being a democrat
  • He makes plans with you...and then cancels over and over
  • He will only chat with you while he's at work (hint, hint) 
From my friend:
  • He messages you after having met you while dating your friend
  • He posts a close-up pic of his abs (or other body parts)
  • He says, "You're nice and all, but you're too fat for me." (What the WHAT?!)
  • He sports chin-strap facial hair
Luckily - most dating websites and IM/email services (I preferred Yahoo, myself) allow you to block users. My suggestion? Learn how to use this feature before you start contacting people. It'll save you a bunch of frantic key-strokes in the middle of your work day. Trust me on this.

Meeting people is tough - but it is so worth the effort. I met far more nice guys than I did jerks, and would not have traded the experience for anything.

What are your "he might be a jerk ifs?" 


  1. As someone who was on POF for awhile too (hey, the profile might still be up, I should check that out) I can add the following:
    *If I know he went out with a friend, we met and he then messaged me (I get it, I'm cute, but it's a jerk move!)
    *He have a chin strap facial hair. Not always but generally.
    *Close up of abdominal muscles. (Or any other part for that matter)
    *Telling me that "I'm sure you're nice and all, but you're too fat for me"

    Oh there are more, but my basic instinct about the whole thing was if my tummy said no, then run.

  2. Those are awesome. I'm updating the list. And I forgot all about the fine gentleman who gave me his weight requirements for women in our first conversation. I met the requirements; but the fact that he had them at all made me want to run away. Fast.