Holiday struggles

Boy has it been a while.

For anyone still listening - I'm sorry for the silence. For anyone who stumbles upon this space and decides to stay - I can't promise it will get better, but I'll try. Again.

Anyway - it's November 20, there's snow outside, and I have packages arriving everyday this week, some even filled with stuff not for me.

So it must be the holidays. 

If you're not new around here, you know that this is not my favorite time. For years and years it was great. Then I had a job that became nothing but a big pile of stress in December, making the holidays all but impossible to enjoy. Then I got divorced and all the traditions (I thought) I needed to be happy went out the window. 

Over time my job has changed a little and I've learn to manage the stress. My traditions never recovered, but I accepted that and actually have come to enjoy the freedom that comes with fewer expectations. 

But as I've gotten older, I've realized that a lot of the family time that comes with the holidays is also a huge trigger for my anxiety. Trying to please everyone (and inevitably failing), having to (once again) explain why my life doesn't look like they think it should, being caught in awkward family feuds... It's supposed to be a fun time of year, but it's taken over by so much stress.

I struggle to get through each day, worried that it will be the day I finally break. I practice my anxiety relief activities, and try to remind myself that this too shall pass. After all, January is coming - right?!

It's been a huge help to me in the last few years to realize I am not alone in this fight. It turns out I know a lot of people who struggle too.

So for those going through anything that will make this season a tough one, remember this:

You are not alone.

So let's put on our fancy holiday anxiety and push through!

Not luck

Like I mentioned, I was recently on vacation. When I'm away, I love to take and share photos. I personally like making the memories for myself, and I've also been told that friends enjoy seeing the photos as well. I figure those who don't want to see the photos can always unfollow me, anyway.

But I know some people get annoyed

that others can take trips while they can't. I've been told more than once how "lucky" I am that I am able to travel, and that it must just be because I am single without kids or a mortgage.

It's true - I don't have kids or a mortgage. Technically I am single - in that I am not married - though I am not really sure how that fits in with the ability to travel. Maybe because I am not responsible for someone else financially? If so, then yes, that is true.

But none of that is "luck" - it's choice. I chose not to have kids, I chose to sell my house so I would not have the financial burden, and I choose to be with someone who doesn't need my financial help. I have worked very hard at jobs I have not always loved to earn the money and time to be able to travel.

Make no mistake - I am blessed to have all of these things, and I am grateful everyday. 

But it was not "luck." It was hard work and smart choices. There is definitely a difference.

Vacation perspective

I love vacation. I love not setting an alarm, not worrying about cleaning or laundry or grocery shopping. Not dealing with work. I love the escape.

But it also comes at a price for me. I worry about the planning, and finding stuff to do that we will both enjoy. I worry about travel, especially if we're flying. I worry about my kitty being home alone. I work extra the week before and the week after because that's the nature of what I do.

But the pros definitely outweigh the cons, and in the end - I love vacation.

Something else I love? The perspective. Recently, I was able to take a trip and learn a few things along the way.

The only things in FL not wearing mouse ears.

"Cold" means different things to different people in different places...

... but Florida people have no idea what it means to be truly cold.

I like to be in an area full of stuff to see and do....

... but prefer to find that stuff off the beaten-path. A less hectic, less "touristy" destination is much more my speed.

It is possible to walk 70,000+ miles in a week and still gain 3 pounds...

... but only gaining 3 pounds on vacation is still an awful lot like losing weight. 

There is always going to be something to worry about, or some source of stress...

... but you can't let that stop you from loving life, and making memories.