Make some mistakes

I think the problem with resolutions is that we set our sights on the big picture, which is often overwhelming and takes a long time to achieve.

 

For the last few years, I've chosen a big-picture goal, and then gone about it by setting small tasks for myself to accomplish throughout the year. By giving myself manageable items to check off a list, I set myself up for success, and am more likely to actually achieve my big-picture result.

 

I'd like 2015 to be a year of big change. I plan to accomplish that by completing a few smaller goals:  

• Get a promotion (already applied)
• Earn a new designation (or at least start one - some take more than a year)
• Travel to someplace I haven't been
• Learn to make something in my crock pot
• Add to my "Rememberlutions Jar" each day
• Self-publish a book (or at least get it started)
• Less searching and worrying (this will have to be a day to day thing)
• More faith that things will work out on their own (more day to day)
• Napping - because napping is important
• Make a few mistakes (this should be easy, particularly with the crock pot goal - and the less worrying)

Why mistakes? Change requires that I do things I've never done, which means I'm bound to mess things up. In order to change, I can't be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, I make them a goal - which practically forces me to try new things. See what I did there?

 

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something." Neil Gaiman

 

Cheers to 365 days of mistakes - make 'em count!

Save a little

I fell over my own personal fiscal cliff last week when my paycheck was deposited into my bank account, and I found out how much more of my money the government will be keeping this year.

Sigh.

But...I still like this idea that's being passed around on Facebook. I'm in - I moved my $1 from checking to savings last week (for week one) and will keep it up throughout 2013.

Help myself by helping others

So, like I said - it's up to you to help yourself out of a depression. Whether you do it by asking your friends for help, going to a counselor, changing your diet and exercise routine, or adjusting your medication - it all starts with you. No one else can make the decision that you're going to help yourself.

During my whole deep-depression, a fabulous friend suggested that one way to help myself was to help others. Get involved; volunteer.

I thought about it. Then I thought about it some more. The more I thought - the more sense it made. What I need is a distraction; something to take my mind off of how sad I am, and give me a new focus. I need something to keep me busy; a reason to drag myself out of bed (when work just doesn't cut it) and face the day - especially on days when that's the last thing I want to do.

Volunteering does all of those things. As an added bonus - while I'm helping myself, others will also benefit.

But where to volunteer? My friend, naturally, had a few suggestions there, too. "You'd make a good mentor," she said. Now - I don't see myself as a great role model, but she is not the first person who has said that to me. They couldn't have all just been trying to be nice (right?!), so I started thinking that maybe it makes sense. I contacted Big Brothers, Big Sisters - and had an interview and orientation last week. That doesn't guarantee I'll be a match - but I'm excited at the possibility.

[SN: They really need volunteers right now - Littles are on a waiting list. Just sayin'...]


I also contacted a couple of other organizations - Girls Inc. and Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood. Both have some very interesting volunteer opportunities. I've been through the required training at Planned Parenthood and start on my first volunteer assignment in a couple weeks. I'll be interviewing with Girls Inc. later this week.

Why these organizations? My time is precious...even when I'm trying to fill it up any way I can. I want to be very careful about donating time (and money) to organizations that support causes important to me. Empowering girls, and teaching them to be strong, confident women is very important to me. So is encouraging and advocating for proper healthcare, and teaching women (and men) to make informed choices about their health.

Those things are important to me - and these are causes I can proudly stand behind. In the meantime - I'll be so busy, I won't have time to think about being sad.

That's the goal, anyway.

Bail out

I am not any sort of financial expert. I get a headache when I balance my checkbook, I never took economics, and I failed the financial CPCU exam the first time. My point is, what follows shouldn't be viewed as a suggestion, or advice. I had a tough decision to make, but it was worth it to me, so I thought I'd share in case it might help someone else. 

Those Occupiers seem to be making an argument that we all need a bail out. I don't agree with them, and it's been suggested that is because I am "privileged" and don't understand where they're coming from. I'm a spoiled little rich kid who never wanted for anything, and now I'm selfish and I don't want to share.

Judgy, much?

Let me be clear - I am spoiled. That's not exactly breaking news. I am 37 in my mid-thirties, and I get better Birthday and Christmas presents from my father than most children. I wanted for very little as a kid, rarely heard the word no, and had an awful lot handed to me.

However, I was also taught that this was a privilege for people who worked hard, and who earned what they had. I was never taught to expect a handout. The minute my dad thought I was expecting too much - he put on the brakes, and told me to go get a job. I was 16, and I've not been unemployed for even a day since.

But that doesn't mean I don't have financial worries. No matter what anyone tells you, divorce is expensive. I didn't spend a lot to get divorced (because I didn't marry an asshat who went looking to make my life difficult), but it was hard adjusting the household budget (which didn't change all that much) to a single income.

Plus - I made some bad decisions. By that I mean I spent my way out of a depression. Retail therapy is actually a thing.

But while I was stimulating the economy, I was also racking up debt that I wasn't prepared to handle. When I finally snapped back to reality earlier this year, I was already in over my head.

But I didn't go looking for a bail out. I didn't beg for debt forgiveness, or occupy any grass near the capital, waiting for my government to pay for all those shoes. I bailed myself out, by cashing in a portion of my retirement.

It wasn't an easy decision. I've spent all this time building that fund, and cashing it in not only means the money won't be there for me in retirement, but I will have to pay a huge penalty for taking it out while I'm still working.

On the flip side, it's my money, and I worked hard to set it aside. Yes, it will be helpful in retirement - but I need the money now. Tax shelters and retirement savings are valuable - but putting an end to the stress I was under is priceless.

That sealed my decision, so I cashed in the fund, and paid off the debt that was crushing me. At the same time, I calculated my new monthly budget, to ensure this doesn't happen again.

Some might say that I'm "lucky" I was able to do that, and not everyone has the option to bail themselves out. To that, I say - bite me not true. I haven't been employed steadily for over 20 years because of "luck." In fact, for over two years now, I've been getting up every day and going to a job I hate, just to continue to earn a living.

I'm privileged and spoiled in a lot of ways. But a strong work ethic and a willingness to make a steady contribution to society? That's a privilege available to anyone.

Personality profile - INFP (Part II)

Continued from here...

So basically, I move easily from fantasy to reality (and back) and I keep my emotions so well hidden that half the time, I don't even know what I'm feeling?

Okay, so I can't really argue with any of that.

The Functional Analysis says (in a nutshell):

INFPs live in a world of primarily introverted feeling. Introverts turn inward, away from the world, and towards ideas and ideals. Intuition is extroverted, to greet the world. This combination encourages a philosophical bent, and gives rise to an unusual skill with respect to character development and language fluency - making an INFP a "verbal artist."

Sensing is introverted; nearly invisible. This gives an inclination towards absent-mindedness, which is often mitigated by the overpowering awareness of what's going on around them. In this personality type, sensing is the weakest function.

The INFP may turn to extraverted thinking to deal with external problems, or to find closure. Extraverted thinking lacks context and proportion, meaning small facts loom large to the INFP, while the big picture goes overlooked. The INFP expends considerable energy when forced to where the extravert suit for problem solving.

It seems like we might be saying that an INFP is someone who observes; who is concerned with taking in the world around her, rather than participating. That she walks into a room, and isn't likely to join a large group, but rather watch, learn the players, and who wants what. She can create characters in her mind, and is very happy to get to know those people. When necessary, she can "get out there" and might even appear to some as an extrovert - but she'll be tired by the end of that night.

If that's the case - then there might be something to this personality stuff, after all.

According to the results from the test I took, personality profiles can be used to determine everything from what career would suit you best to who would be a good romantic match. My ideal careers? Writer, counselor - or web designer. That still makes me scratch my head.

In case you're wondering, some famous INFPs include: Homer, Fred Rogers, Helen Keller, Jackie O, JFK Jr., Lisa Kudrow - and Mary, Mother of Jesus (???). Fictional INFPs would include Anne of Green Gables, Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, Wesley Crusher and Bastian from The Neverending Story.

Personality profile - INFP

A while back, I spent a lot of time with someone who was constantly reading personality books - some divided personalities up by elements, others by numbers, etc. When he'd talk about it, I wondered if anyone can really fit completely into any profile. I mean, we all probably tend towards one type or another - but everyone is unique, too.

On dating sites, people often include their Myers-Briggs personality type in their profile. I think they mean for this to be helpful - but to me, it just looks like jibberish. Then a couple weeks ago, I was out to dinner with a bunch of people who were all much smarter than I, and they got to talking about personality types.

I decided it was time to end the mystery.

So, I googled and found a free test, which gave me my type formula according to Carl Jung and Isabel Briggs Myers. which took me 20ish minutes. At the end, I had a result that tells me I am an INFP - Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Feeling was the strongest preference, and perceiving was the weakest. Which, apparently, means I am a:

• Moderately expressed introvert
• Moderately expressed intuitive personality
• Distinctly expressed feeling personality
• Slightly expressed perceiving personality

I found a couple of descriptions of this personality. One says that an INFP will never lose their sense of wonder. As kids we switch from fantasy to reality easily, and are usually the children who develop imaginary friends (I totally did!) and whose stuffed animals come to life (That doesn't happen to everyone?!).

An INFP's "extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves," and struggle with good vs. evil, and their ability to perform for the greater good. [I'm less certain about this in myself.] It says I should be able to de-jargon technical information, which is ironic since I'm finding the jargon used to describe my personality quite confuzzling.

Apparently, this depth of feeling is hidden - even from the INFP herself - until "circumstances evoke an impassioned response." My de-jargoning abilities tell me this explains why I go from 0-Bitch in 60 seconds flat.

When I explained just this little bit to a friend, his response was - "Wow, that is you."

But wait - there's more. To be continued....

Friday Five: High School

I wrote a bit about high school this week - twice, really. So, I thought we'd try a little something different for Friday. Five questions about high school - I'll go first.

• Which class was your most favorite? Your least? Journalism was my most favorite; gym was my least. 
• What clubs did you join/sports did you play? School paper (Managing Editor), band, National Honor Society, Peer Leadership; no sports for me (you're shocked, I know). 
• How many best friends did you have? Four - Rachel early on, then Cathy and Karen. Akore was my best friend throughout. I'm still friends with all but Cathy (long story). 
• What was your best fashion choice? Worst? Probably jeans tucked into black boots, with a white top and black blazer. Basically classic, with just enough 80's-90's influence to be "in" at the time. Worst? Flowered jeans. 
• What did you want to be when you were "grown up?" I was going to be a journalist. I had a place for my Pulitzer all picked out. 

Your turn.

Thirty Days of Me: Day Eight

The Thirty Days of Me project is explained here. The challenge for day eight: Short term goals for this month and why.


Goals are a funny thing. It seems like there should be an end - like a finish line. But life isn't like that; it doesn't "finish" - it just goes on. Which means more goals. Which means all goals, even short-term, are bound to evolve.

But there are also truly short-term goals - like, I want to redo my bathroom, or plant those flowers.

I don't have many short-term goals for this month. I want to save more than I spend, because I'm working on some debt. I want to go to the gym more, because that's an on-going goal of mine that I deal with in the short-term (to avoid getting discouraged).

I'd also like to pick out a new hairstyle for my next hair appointment which is in August. I really need something new.

A very short-term goal of mine is to pick an outfit for today and get the heck out of the house, because I'm running late.

What about you? Any short-term goals for the next 30 days? Or the next 30 minutes, even?