Marriage according to a five year old

I live with two kids (well, part time). I love them dearly. They bring a tremendous amount of happiness to my life. They also say the most hilariously blog-worthy stuff.

The other day, my housemate's five-year-old daughter asked her mom about marriage.

5YO: Can you marry your family?

Mom: No, that's not allowed.

5YO: I think you should be allowed to marry family. That way you know what you're getting - and if you don't like it, you can just throw it back.

I love this kid.

Girls want to be brides

As soon as they can walk, little girls start playing dress up. One of their favorite dress up games? Wedding.

They start thinking about the dress they want, their favorite flowers. what sort of ring they'll wear - oh, and yeah, if there'll be a guy there or not - long before they ever go on a date or have their first kiss. When we're young, we understand that the dress and the shoes and the jewelry are much more important than the guy. It's not until we get a little older that boys arrive on the scene and screw up our priorities.

So it's not really news that women plan their wedding before they even have a proposal.

Haven't women been doing this for...well...ever? Wasn't there an episode of Friends where Monica dragged out a binder full of wedding ideas she started pulling together when she didn't even have a prom date?

Now, thanks to the magic of the internet and social media, women are pinning their way to the perfect wedding...and none of those pins have anything to do with the groom. 

Some think this makes women desperate. That they're so excited to have the wedding of their dreams, they'll marry the first guy who asks, just for the chance to put their plans in action.

I disagree.

Some women like to plan. They know exactly what they want, and they want to be sure they can put it in place when the time is right. Planning a wonderful wedding takes a while. There are million (give or take) possible ideas - no reason not to make a note-to-self for future reference.

As far as the groom's importance.... Let's face it. A husband might be important to the success of a marriage - but these women aren't planning a marriage. They're planning a wedding.

At the wedding, a groom is really just one more accessory.

Bridezillas

Got a bit of a wedding theme going on this week....yes, that's just a coincidence.

While I generally prefer crime dramas when I watch TV (except for Big Bang Theory, which is just the best show ever), I'm not opposed to the occasional, reality TV train-wreck. Sometimes, the bigger the wreckage, the better.

If you agree, then Bridezillas is a show you simply must check out.

The WE original follows two brides per show in the days leading up to their wedding, showcasing all the ways in which a wedding ceremony can turn a (seemingly) normal woman into a fire-breathing monster from the planet She's Insane - otherwise known as a bridezilla.

No job is too big, expense is too high, or request is too outrageous - for everyone else. Their freak-outs are embarrassing at best, and bordering on painful. They behave like spoiled brats, throwing temper tantrums if anyone doesn't jump at their every order. One bride brought her bridesmaid to a tanning salon and yelled at her, and the technician, when the color didn't come out the way she wanted.

So why do I watch? These women are so ridiculous it's entertaining. Also, it is hard to look away - like a train wreck.

Not to mention, they are so horribly behaved, they make me look like an angel.


 

Marital advice...from me?

Baking Suit and Frank got married had a picnic with a judge this weekend. Master of Ceremonies GenWar (I definitely recommend you click that link, but maybe you don't click it at work) asked several of us if we would like to participate in the "drunk toast." As he explains, when people have a celebration of any sort, he feels that at least one friend should rise to the challenge of delivering a toast to the happy occasion in a less-than-sober state.

"I don't drink," I protested.

"That's fine. I'll take care of the drunk part," he responded.

Uneasy about the idea, I asked, "What would I say?"

His response? "Well I don't know, but at your birthday party I got to hang out with your ex-husband while he cooked, so I'm assuming you must be doing something right."

After a moment of reflection, I thought, "Somehow, I don't think this is the place or time to offer advice on how to remain friends with an ex spouse."

This exchange lasted for a few minutes, culminating with GenWar stealing my sparkly purple sunglasses and leaving me with his straw hat. I totally chickened out on the speech, because giving happy marital advice to a newly, happily un-married couple at their non-wedding wasn't something I felt I could do on the fly.

But, having had a pretty successful marriage for 9 years (we were married for 10, but that last year really wasn't very good), and having remained friends with said ex-spouse, I figure GenWar might be right (don't tell him I said that). I might have something of value to offer. So, having had a couple days to think it over, this is what I've come up with:

- Stay true to yourselves. Yes, you will both grow and change, and that's OK. Life would be boring if we always stayed the same. You fell in love with each other for who you really are. Stay true to those feelings, and true to who you are - the rest will always work itself out.

Source

- Don't sweat the small stuff. Most of it is small. You're both ridiculously smart, so you'll know the big stuff when it comes. Tackle it head-on, as a team, and you'll be fine.

- Focus on each other. Yeah - family, friends, work, obligations...they're all important. Don't give them up. But at the end of the day, you and you are what matters most. Don't let anyone or anything come between you.

- Be honest. If you're doing something you feel you need to hide from the other person - you need to stop. Immediately.

- Don't discount each other's stuff. No matter how insignificant the other's collection may seem, if it's important to one of you, it should be important to both of you. The same goes for feelings.

- Don't give up what matters to you outside the marriage. Yes, I know, this is a little contrary to the point about focusing on each other, but it's a big part of staying true to yourselves. It's a balancing act. You'll screw it up once or twice, but keep trying and you'll get it right.

- Don't share a bathroom. Trust me - nothing good can come from this.

- Never forget to remember how much better your lives are because they've come together.

When all else fails - find separate corners until you can play nice.