Monday, December 27, 2010

For a reason

I notice a lot of people on twitter and blogs talking about exes. Usually, they say something to the effect of, "They're exes for a reason," or "Some people are meant to be exes." It's usually said with anger, grief - or is just plain mean.

Breaking up is definitely tough, especially if you're not the one who did the breaking up. I know how much a broken heart hurts, maybe more than a lot of people. When we're with someone, we focus a lot on what we like about him. When he's gone, it's easy to want to shift that focus to the things we didn't like - it makes the heartache easier to handle. So the "they're exes for a reason" sentiment is easy to understand.

But here's the thing; if you have an ex - that also means that you are an ex. Doesn't it make sense that someone is saying those same things about you? How would that make you feel? Did you suddenly become some awful person, because you aren't with him anymore? Are you an "ex for a reason?"

You're probably saying to yourself, "Well I don't care what so-and-so has to say about me...." and maybe that's true. If it is, I bow to you - and wish I could say the same thing. 

Anyone I would call an "ex" is someone to whom I allowed myself to get close. So, they're obviously someone I care for and respect; maybe even admire a little bit. To just pretend that evaporated is like saying that I was wrong all that time. Otherwise, their opinion would still matter. 

I've been questioned and criticized for having friendships with my exes. I personally don't like to label relationships - they are what they are, and my opinion is that we just need to stop fighting it and let them be. If someone is important enough to me to be an "ex" anything - than he's important. The whys, wheres and hows of that importance may change - but he's still a guy I loved. His opinion of me, himself and others still matters a lot.

Or maybe it's just that I don't like to be wrong.


  1. I concur. I wish my ex and I could be friends again coz we kind of sort of were since high school and now I'm in this awesome relationship, I kind of need some advice since they have similar personality types. I just don't want to mess this one up and the ex can tell me how not to.

  2. For a long time, my ex-husband and I were not friends. We didn't even speak. We became friendly, then friends, again through a series of events - much the same a new friendship would form.

    If you're worried that you did something to "mess up" the last one - maybe try to do the opposite this time? Was there anything you did last time that you regret? Avoid that. Your instincts are probably right.

    We don't need no stinkin' boys to figure this out. :)