Tuesday, December 28, 2010


I caught a tweet the other night about the new movie The Dilemma. Based on the description, it's about a man finding out his friend's wife is having an affair. The tweet said that's really no dilemma - if you find out a secret like that about a friend, you tell - no question. I used to think the same thing.

I had a good friend who was having problems with her husband. Through a series of coincidences. I found out about some of his indiscretions, and had a long, internal debate about whether or not I should say something to my friend. Without revealing who she was, I asked a few friends what they would do. One who had been through something similar told me that he appreciated when people told him about his ex. It helped knowing the truth, even though the truth hurt.

So I told my friend. That was over a year ago, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Maybe she didn't want to believe what she was hearing - so, she blamed me, rather than taking her anger out on him. Or maybe she believed I was making it up, to be mean. I truly have no idea. She was not angry that night, and ended the conversation like normal. So I never had the chance to ask.

Do I regret it? I regret losing my friend. I regret that her feelings were hurt. I regret that she went through a divorce without the support of one friend who might have been able to help.

I don't regret telling her the truth, because I think she deserved to know. I don't regret if that truth led to the divorce, because she was too good for him anyway. I knew that, even if she did not.

What would I do if I was ever in that situation again? I'd like to think I'd do the same thing - tell the truth. Why? Because my friends deserve honesty. And because I'd want them to do the same for me.

What would you do?

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