Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Crazy train

"Here's all you need to know about men and women: Women are crazy and men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy? Because men are stupid." George Carlin

I tweeted a few weeks back that I didn't know whether to be appalled or astounded by the lengths to which some women will go for a guy. It prompted a fun conversation between myself, Cute Ella and kicknknit, about various lengths to which our friends have gone. (Someone even had a friend who actually redecorated her apartment for a visit from an LDR - only to return the items after he left.)

I know of women facebook stalking their boyfriends; liking all their posts to keep track of who comments - even friending complete strangers to keep track of conversations that their SO has with his friends. I've heard of women creating fake facebook accounts, or profiles on a dating website to meet and chat with their boyfriends - either to "catch" them doing something wrong, or to learn more about them. I know of women who search through their boyfriends' wallets, cell-phones - even email accounts.

I've not actually gone to any of these lengths. Partly because I, apparently, have an edit chip in me that still works and keeps me from crossing that fine line that separates the funny-story-crazy from the call-the-cops-crazy. Nowadays, I just don't happen to think most men are worth the effort it would take to go through all that. Plus - I've got stuff to do. There was a time, though....

I've done the "let's just drive by her house...." thing, and I've also done the, "Oh, no, we're having this fight NOW" thing. I don't recommend either. I'm not at all sure what I hoped to accomplish; reassurance, or validation, maybe? If you find yourself tempted to do a drive-by, for example, try to remember that it's simply not worth your effort - you won't confirm anything anyway.

Suppose you find he's where he's "supposed to be" - what then? That doesn't confirm that everything is okay. It doesn't confirm how he feels, or that he's never done any of the things you're thinking. On the other hand - if he's not where he's supposed to be, you still don't know anything for sure. Just because he's not home, for example, doesn't mean he's out doing something he shouldn't be.

So you friend all his friends, and follow all his follows - and now? You can't monitor someone's communication constantly. There's private messages you might miss...text messages they could have deleted....and then of course, the infamous in-person conversations (which, let's face it, is what you're ultimately worried about, anyway).

The truth is - it won't matter. If someone's going to go behind your back - knowing about it won't change anything. You won't feel better; and he won't feel worse. He also won't change. You won't be prepared, and nothing will be easier to handle. The quicker you accept that this - whatever it is - isn't working, or isn't right, the better off you'll be.

The truth is, your crazy won't hurt anyone but you.
What's the craziest thing you've ever done?


  1. Hm. I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it be cause it's been a long time since I've done anything crazy. Sure for awhile I kept an eye on his tweets and fb stuff, but then it just made me feel worse so I stopped. Maybe I just don't have any real "crazy" like that in me?

  2. I think "crazy" is different for everyone. So maybe that's your crazy.

    For me, it significantly diminished after my twenties. I'll admit, I had some issues when my marriage was breaking up. But I learned my lessons then; I've done none of the "crazy" in break-ups since. Like you said, you start to realize it just makes you feel worse - so why do it?

    The people who never learn that lesson are the ones you gotta look out for. And I know for a fact that the crazy isn't limited to only women. :)

  3. The crazy hurts everyone in the blast radius (which is often very large).

  4. techcommdood - I think you're probably right. I was thinking of specific situations where people hoped their crazy would either help, or punish someone else. But, like you said, sometimes there are other people affected by the relationship - and therefore, the crazy, too.