Monday, February 28, 2011

No boys allowed

I got into a twitter conversation last week with a few of my favorites (Ava, Stella, derryX and Trina) about why women need men. Long story short - I promised to blog about how I'd eliminated my need for men.

Way back when, I was a young twenty-something [in my thirty-something opinion, way too young to get married, but that's a different post] who couldn't imagine my life without my soon-to-be-husband. He did everything....he cooked, he did big projects around the house, he helped when I had a problem with my car, he shoveled, mowed the lawn...the list goes on.

So, when he left - I freaked. I kept thinking, "Now what will I do? Who will take care of this? Who will do that? Who will help me get this or that done?" [Yes, I cared about the marriage, too, but that's also a different post. Try to stay on track, will you?] I've learned a lot in the last few years.

Shoveling and mowing the lawn? Not really that hard. Sure, it takes me longer - but it's doable, and it's a great workout.

Car repairs? Pay a mechanic. Breakdowns? Join an auto club. Home repairs? You can pay people to do that as well - though tackling smaller projects by yourself can be fun, too.

Cooking? No problem. The way I see it, in this economy, eating out is the responsible thing to do. Do you want to be responsible for all those waiters and chefs and bartenders being unemployed? I didn't think so.

What else are guys good for? Stuff off the top shelf. Yeah, that's an issue for me (I'm short). Two words: step stool. Plus, guys don't clean the cupboards or pay attention to how they put stuff away. Doing it yourself is not only just as easy - it's better for your housekeeping.

Guys will give you compliments. I've observed this happens mostly when they're wrong, they've screwed something up or they want something. Know who else does that? Kids. So if you have kids, you're set. If you don't, borrow a niece or a nephew to get your fix. None available? Get a cat. Same thing.

Guys often tell you you're right - though they do that at the same moments they give compliments. I'll admit, kids and pets aren't very good for this sort of validation. I suggest getting a twitter account. I guarantee you'll find someone on the interwebz that agrees with you.

So what's that leave.....?

Riiiight. Listen - one of the main reasons I don't have kids is to avoid conversations like this. But, if you really can't figure out how to handle sex on your own...drop me an email. I can refer you to a couple of websites, and I also know a lady who does home parties.

Want my suggestion? Make a list of all the reasons you think you need a man; then, one by one, teach yourself how to handle the task or situation on your own. Even if you're already in a relationship - it's empowering and liberating - and it will force him to step up his game, which is always a good thing.

If you want a man, that's terrific. If you can find one worth wanting, even better. But please trust me - you don't need a man. For anything.


  1. Great post! And you're totally right, eating out IS a more economy friendly option.

  2. Love it! Thanks for posting! I lived alone for a while before I was with Sean so i know how to do most of that stuff for myself (and I even cook!), I guess I still find myself afraid to be alone. It is very nice to know that when (if) my marriage hits the crapper there is survival! Thanks :D

  3. Right on, sister. I avoid the shoveling/raking/home repair issue by renting an apartment where the maintenance staff takes amazing care of me. This is a temporary fix (I really do want to buy a house) but it works for now. And as a restaurant employee, I thank you for doing your part for keeping us in business. :) As for the rest of it ... yeah, you're right on as usual.

  4. Having not had a "man" for ten years, I totally agree.

  5. Haha - thanks, ladies!

    Sassy - I'd love to let a maintenance crew take care of mowing/shoveling. But, I became single after I owned the house, so I make due.

    Trina - I'm in no position to give you marriage advice, but I will say this - don't ever let your fear of being alone be the reason you stay married. You definitely deserve better than that.

  6. I like it Sue! Luckily I'm with @sassysingleton when it comes to repairs as I rent an apartment and luckily don't need to worry about shoveling as a Southern Californian.

    I think the best part of this is the promotion of independence and the realization that when you're at your most vulnerable, you discover what you're capable of.

  7. Ava - you're exactly right! So many of my friends think they "need" someone. My advice, while usually riddled with sarcasm, is always to find someone they want, and do the things they need for themselves.

    Let's face it, it's way more fun to spend time with people you want than people you need.

  8. Agreed. I don't need a man... I want a man.