Thursday, November 4, 2010

Nice Girls Finish First

Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something. ~ Proverb

X called the other day. His heart is broken, and he needed to talk. So I listened.

My best friend asked why. She said I owe him nothing, that he deserves whatever pain he feels and that it's his own fault, for having hurt my feelings. "What goes around, comes around," she said, which made me think of this post

If you look at my comments in the post, you'll see one of my favorite quotes, by a man named Wayne Dyer: How others treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. Anger, hate and revenge are all ugly emotions. You can't stay surrounded in all that negativity and expect good things to happen. 

Maybe this is his karma. Maybe the universe is making sure he understands the hurt that he caused. I think most people would understand if I felt that way, and if I just stopped there. His karma will take care of itself - but how will it help mine? 

If I want good karma, I have to put positive, friendly, helpful energy out there. I have to give something good in order to get something good back in return.

So, I listened. For all the times that he was there for me before he was "X." For all the times he's helped me since. For all the things he's done for my family over the years. For all the good times, and memories, we share.

I listened for myself. I listened so that I could feel good about being a good friend. I reminded him of his good qualities, so I could let go of some negative feelings. I listened so I could forget my own problems for a little while and help someone else with theirs. I listened because it might just teach me something about my own fears, pain and loss.

I listened because I like to think that the nice, positive, strong woman in me is winning this race. 


  1. I'm proud of you. It's hard to be the person who puts their feelings aside and help others in need but worth it in the end. :) Just be careful

  2. It's easier to put my feelings aside for people who hurt me in the past. It's tougher when it's someone who is hurting me now, but I try to do it no matter what, so I never forget how.

    Thanks! :)

  3. I had a similar situation. A short while after he re-married, my ex husband's new wife left him. He was devestated. Similarly to how I felt when he left me. There were some in my life who took pleasure in that and spoke of his karma. I found the whole thing distasteful. Admittedly, they were coming from a place where they were defensive over what happened to me and were speaking out of love and hurt for me but the emotions were alien to me because I was the one who had been hurt and yet I felt none of that.

    I was genuinely sad for my ex husband. I had long ago forgiven him and let go of my anger and I still love the man and want what's best for him. No one deserves what he or I went through but speaking of his karma and attributing what happened to him to it just feels wrong. Who am I to decide such a thing, you know?

    You did the right thing by listening and showing compassion.

  4. Thanks, Jennifer. That's exactly how I feel. I don't think people really get how karma works. It's not about getting even; it's about putting good energy out and eventually, you get that engergy back. I'm genuinely sad for my ex, too. He's a good guy, and doesn't deserve to have been treated the way he was.