I feel like I've been in a constant state of change for the last four years. Divorce isn't easy; neither is transitioning to a new job after more than nine years because of a buy-out. Buying a house and a new car on your own are also pretty stressful.
And that was just the first eight months.
It's taken me this long, but I've recently been feeling like I'm finally turning a corner.
About a week ago, I had my tarot cards read. The cards showed that every aspect of my life is in a season of change and growth. They showed a recent loss that forced my hand, and triggered a lot of very positive choices and opportunities.
The cards also showed that a lot of this change is out of my control, and does not look the way I was expecting. They correctly predicted that this is intimidating to me. But - they also showed that if I keep myself open to the changes, there's a lot of good opportunities in every aspect of my future.
That's all good news. I suppose if I had to pick one area of my life that I'd really like to change, it would be relationships. I honestly hate to admit that here, but if I feel like I'd be lying if I said anything else, and I'd hate lying even more.
I'm not talking about a superficial change, like I'd really like a date for New Year's Eve (though that's true enough). I'm looking for a fundamental change; a complete overhaul of how I view and manage relationships, and how I fit them into my life.
I want to figure out (and accept) the sort of relationship that I want. Then I want to learn how to make choices that will get me where I want to be.
The problem with changing this part of my life is ultimately, it is outside my control. I can make all the good choices I want; I still can't force the right person to walk into my life, fall hopelessly in love, and then live happily ever after with me.
I suppose the thing to do is concentrate on the things that are within my control. Like - just what does my happily ever after look like, anyway?
I'm working on it.