Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Miss Me Yet?

It's so "girly" to need someone. No one wants to feel dependent on anyone else. But is it really needy to miss someone? Aren't needing and wanting someone two different things?   

I prefer to think that I'm strong enough not to need anyone. Truthfully, I've gotten to a point where I can do a lot more for (and by) myself than ever before. I'm finally at a point where I would make the decision to live as a single person for the rest of my life, rather than settle for being with someone just for the sake of not being alone. That's real independence. 

But that doesn't mean there aren't people I want in my life. That's the whole point of opening up and seeking out new relationships. Sure, it's scary. Certain experiences really make us want to raise that wall, and not let it down. Who wants to risk being hurt? 

It's scary to say to someone, "I missed you," or "I'm glad you're around." I, at least, am afraid he won't say it back. I don't want to be rejected, or make him feel bad for not reacting the way I hoped. 

In these situations, I think we tend to raise our walls, and act as though we don't really care. We never let the other person how we feel, or give him the chance to let us know the same. The wall did its job - blocked that bad feeling of rejection.

But wait - what if he felt the same way? You had the chance to find out, and now, neither of you will ever know. So the wall blocked that happy feeling, too.   

Walls don't just block the hurt and loss - they also keep out the good people, and the happiness they bring. That's sad - it may even be sadder than the rejection you were trying to prevent. After all, rejection is temporary. It happens, you feel sad - then you move on. But blocking out your happiness? That might last forever. 

Eventually, we have to accept that life is going to hurt sometimes. There are all kinds of lessons - good and bad. They come from experience; from living life on the offensive, instead of letting it catch up to you. Letting people in is the only way to learn. 

After all - if you never let anyone in - no one can prove that he wants to stay.

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