Monday, July 5, 2010

Delete Profile

"It's tough to walk in a single girl's shoes. That's why you sometimes need really special shoes!" [Carrie Bradshaw, SATC]

From the time I was 20, I was either dating, engaged or married to the same person. I met him at work. There was no real effort in meeting, no countless hours of hanging at parties or bars.

So, when I became single again at 34, the idea of trying to date was daunting. How in the world would I meet people? School is done, work is not an option, I don't drink and never really did the bar scene. If you look for dating advice from magazines, blogs and such, joining clubs is a main theme. That's fine, but I'll be honest - joining a group or a club under the pretense of interest, all the while trolling for single guys, felt...well...creepy. And desperate. *whispers* And like a whole lot of effort.

But there is one community we can all join. In fact, most of us are already a part of it in one way or another, whether we realize it or not. It's a magical land, full of friends, co-workers and peers. You can find smart, funny, beautiful people. People with all sorts of interests - who are available virtually 24/7. Where you can tell others what you are looking for in a mate, and they will search tirelessly, until they find you your perfect one.

And for $19.99 a month (less with a 6-12 month commitment) they will deliver these potential soul-mates right to your inbox.

The internet!! Of course - that would be my salvation.

Stop laughing. No, really. Okay, I'll wait. May I go on? Great.

I started at Match. Nice site. I had friends who had used it with success, but I was skeptical, and therefore not willing to give them my money just yet. The thing with Match (and some other sites) is that what they offer is very limited unless you pay.

Not wanting all my eggs in one basket, I created another profile, this time at Cupid. They offered a little bit more for free, and as a result, I had better luck. I even met a guy and went on a date. He seemed to lose interest, but now I was motivated. I met another guy, who turned out to be a real jerk.

But guess what? There are even more sites! I created a profile at Yahoo Personals (which is integrating with Match very soon). I created my profile (by now I was an expert) and sent out some winks. Or smiles? Maybe flirts.

Whatever the case, I struck "gold." Met a great guy that I started dating, and who I thought I really liked. But - we were not on that page together. Of course, this went 'round and 'round for much longer than it should have, and I ended up getting my feelings hurt. [Not his fault; he's a great guy and we are still good friends, so I don't consider this a waste. I would, however, like my $100 back, G.]

In the midst of my hurt feelings, I stumbled upon a site that looked promising - Plenty of Fish. Free internet dating. No joke - profile is free, you can email others for free, and even share your personal email for free (other sites block those out). POF will show you who is online and allow you to set people as your favorite so you can easily find their profile. All for free!

Are you noticing a theme, yet?

Now I had three profiles I was actively managing (I'd all but given up on Match). I'd had some success with all of them, to varying degrees. I went on a lot of first dates via POF. I even met a couple of guys I went on repeat dates with.

Recently, I started getting a lot of emails from other sites. Emails like, "You have new messages at" or "We've found new matches for you at" So, where are these coming from?

Seems that while the internet is a great place to look for communities - it's not a good idea to do your looking at midnight, when you're depressed and in an ice cream-induced fog. I had apparently set up a bunch of online profiles, and then quickly forgotten about them. So, I had profiles all over the internet, that were now generating all this activity. Yeesh.

I've started saving the emails as they come. Then, when I can, I visit the sites, do my best to guess my password, and then start the (usually lengthy) process of deleting the profile. I've deleted several so far - and made others hidden, or inactive.

Why? Well, like I said - the internet is a magical place.

Anyone else have online dating disasters or successes they'd like to share? I plan on doing a series of posts of my own. Should be good for a laugh. =]

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