Thursday, July 29, 2010

Days Like This

Ever have "one of those days?" The kind where things aren't really wrong, but they aren't really right, either?

Mine always seem to coincide with a work-day. That's probably due to the fact that I really don't like my job (that's a whole different post). I have a lot of responsibility but no authority, I do about three different full time jobs (while being paid for one) and I have way too many bosses to manage.

The job is stressful, but the everyday stuff really doesn't affect me too much. Every now and again, we go through a phase where the VPs with whom I work are in ultra-stress mode. I call it PMS - Producer Makes (me) Scream. Even though the everyday stress might not get to me, when they get like this - it's tough to take. I manage by reminding myself it will pass (which I know it will). But while they are PMSing, I do notice a few things about myself.

I notice I am edgy. Not just at work (where it's worst) but after work, as well. While I'm driving, especially, things that wouldn't normally bother me really get under my skin. I might be short with people while I'm out and about, or sometimes even with friends. 

I also notice that I get nervous or stressed about other, silly things. Like, if someone doesn't respond to a message right away, or makes fun of me in a playful way, I might get upset. These are the kind of things that normally I would barely even notice, much less care about. But when I'm stressed - it's like it takes over and everything is suddenly a much bigger deal. 

Is this normal? Maybe. But that doesn't make it acceptable.

I'm fortunate enough to have awesome friends who listen and care. Even though they are smart and savvy enough to realize that this isn't really me, they don't deserve to be treated poorly. Me having a bad day is no excuse for laying it at anyone else's feet - no matter what (or who) caused my mood.

Probably my greatest fear is losing the people most important to me. I don't mean through death, or changing circumstances. I mean by alienating them; by saying something in a way that hurts them, or turns them out of my life. While I'm not afraid to voice my opinion or stand up for myself, I am very aware of the fact that if I do that when I'm stressed, I'm likely to say something I might regret out of anger or frustration.

So how do I handle it? Better than I used to. Becoming aware of it was key, as was taking note of the triggers. Now that I know, I can prepare for it, and try to prevent it. Maybe take a walk at work, or take more frequent, shorter, breaks during the day to help lower the stress level. Or I can sneak in some "Sue Time" after work, before meeting up with friends, so it's under control beforehand. 

I can also apologize. So, if you're reading this, and I've been short, testy or just plain rude, at all - I'm sorry. If I haven't (yet) - any chance we could log this for later? 

Please and thank you.

1 comment:

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