What I am is...offended

I think anyone reading this realizes by now that I am not a parent. You probably also know it's been suggested that since I am not, I should never offer input to my friends who are on dealing with, raising or disciplining their kids. For the most part, I'm respectful of that. I mean, I am smart enough to know what I don't know - ya know?

It was recently pointed out to me that, because I am not currently involved in a relationship, I am also not qualified to offer opinions on anything related to boyfriends relationships. Odd, since I have had about every type of relationship there is, you'd think my opinion would at least be somewhat valuable.

*shakes head*

Anyway, since that particular conversation left me wondering, I thought I'd explore some of the things that I am - and therefore, am qualified to discuss. Sound fun? Let's get started.

I am a woman. Last I knew, I've been a woman for nearly twenty years - and a female for over thirty-six. Practically makes me an expert, wouldn't you say? I think that qualifies me to discuss things like how to respect a woman, show her affection and how women like (and don't like) to be treated.

I am a homeowner - which occasionally makes me a hostess. What's more - I do this all on my own. So I know how to do it all, from send invitations to ensuring the walkway is lit. I know that my guests, no matter how rude or downright nasty they are, should always be made to feel comfortable. I know to fetch them drinks, offer them food and a comfortable seat, and generally put their comfort above my own. Of course, that includes avoiding confrontations that might make other guests feel awkward.

I'm a friend - which occasionally makes me a guest. If someone puts my comfort above their own - I know I'd better be appreciative. I don't question my hostess - if she offers me a seat, I sit; if she offers me food, I eat (whether I like it or not); and I'd better never say or do anything to offend or embarrass that hostess. I think (I hope) that these qualities translate nicely into friendship - I look out for others, I try not to judge too harshly, and I often put the comfort of others above my own. I'd feel just terrible if I made a friend, or a hostess, cry over her own dishes.

I'm a divorcee - which, oddly enough, also means I used to be a wife. Granted, it also means that my marriage didn't work out in the end - but it was successful for about ten years. That's more than a lot of people can say. In fact - I was so good at being a wife (and am so good at being an ex-wife) that my ex-husband is still one of my best friends. Those are all relationships, right? Surely I must know something about them, then? I guess not.

Since I know nothing about people or relationships - it sure is lucky that I'm also an only child. Which means I know how to get gifts. I really do - ask anyone who knows me. They'll tell you I get the best Christmas and birthday gifts - which means I know a good one when I see one. I bet if you ask those same people, they'll tell you I also give some pretty good gifts as well - because I learned from the best.

I am a few more things, too - but I think you probably get the id... Oh!! Wait - there is just one more thing I wanted to mention.

I'm a smart, sassy, single gal who never forgets when she's been wronged. I'm also a snarky, sarcastic writer who won't ever pass up the chance to write a good post.