Thursday, January 27, 2011

What I am is...offended

I think anyone reading this realizes by now that I am not a parent. You probably also know it's been suggested that since I am not, I should never offer input to my friends who are on dealing with, raising or disciplining their kids. For the most part, I'm respectful of that. I mean, I am smart enough to know what I don't know - ya know?

It was recently pointed out to me that, because I am not currently involved in a relationship, I am also not qualified to offer opinions on anything related to boyfriends relationships. Odd, since I have had about every type of relationship there is, you'd think my opinion would at least be somewhat valuable.

*shakes head*

Anyway, since that particular conversation left me wondering, I thought I'd explore some of the things that I am - and therefore, am qualified to discuss. Sound fun? Let's get started.

I am a woman. Last I knew, I've been a woman for nearly twenty years - and a female for over thirty-six. Practically makes me an expert, wouldn't you say? I think that qualifies me to discuss things like how to respect a woman, show her affection and how women like (and don't like) to be treated.

I am a homeowner - which occasionally makes me a hostess. What's more - I do this all on my own. So I know how to do it all, from send invitations to ensuring the walkway is lit. I know that my guests, no matter how rude or downright nasty they are, should always be made to feel comfortable. I know to fetch them drinks, offer them food and a comfortable seat, and generally put their comfort above my own. Of course, that includes avoiding confrontations that might make other guests feel awkward.

I'm a friend - which occasionally makes me a guest. If someone puts my comfort above their own - I know I'd better be appreciative. I don't question my hostess - if she offers me a seat, I sit; if she offers me food, I eat (whether I like it or not); and I'd better never say or do anything to offend or embarrass that hostess. I think (I hope) that these qualities translate nicely into friendship - I look out for others, I try not to judge too harshly, and I often put the comfort of others above my own. I'd feel just terrible if I made a friend, or a hostess, cry over her own dishes.

I'm a divorcee - which, oddly enough, also means I used to be a wife. Granted, it also means that my marriage didn't work out in the end - but it was successful for about ten years. That's more than a lot of people can say. In fact - I was so good at being a wife (and am so good at being an ex-wife) that my ex-husband is still one of my best friends. Those are all relationships, right? Surely I must know something about them, then? I guess not.

Since I know nothing about people or relationships - it sure is lucky that I'm also an only child. Which means I know how to get gifts. I really do - ask anyone who knows me. They'll tell you I get the best Christmas and birthday gifts - which means I know a good one when I see one. I bet if you ask those same people, they'll tell you I also give some pretty good gifts as well - because I learned from the best.

I am a few more things, too - but I think you probably get the id... Oh!! Wait - there is just one more thing I wanted to mention.

I'm a smart, sassy, single gal who never forgets when she's been wronged. I'm also a snarky, sarcastic writer who won't ever pass up the chance to write a good post.


  1. I'm curious to know who would suggest otherwise? I think I'm offended for you.

  2. I'm offended for you too! I really think that what makes someone good at providing advice is 1.Common sense 2. Distance.

    I am OFTEN asked for advice when it comes to kids and boyfriends. I have neither. and my advice is DAMN good.. because I have common sense and distance. (by distance I mean, I'm not emotionally involved.. I haven't picked a *side*)

    In the short time I've "known" you, I've found you to be loaded full of common sense and an ability to put your compassion aside long enough to absorb facts and points of view so you can get that distance.

    But! I've also learned that sometimes people don't really want advice.. they want to whine. So when you offer good advice and subsequently point out a solution, they are all "what do you know!" because if they acknowledge your solution is valid then they might have to get off their duff and do some work.

    Those people, I have no patience for.. so I chuck my advice at their head (assuming they asked for it) and move on. Huzzah!

  3. I love the visual of "chucking advice at their head".

  4. @Cute Ella - *sigh*

    @KicknKnit - What a nice thing to say - thank you so much! I try very hard to only offer actual advice when I'm asked. I slip up occasionally.

    This instance, I was actually joking with someone about a gift from a boyfriend, and it was pointed out that since I don't have a boyfriend of my own, maybe I should't offer criticism. It was said in a not-so-nice way, in my own living-room, in front of other people.

    I was humiliated to have it said in public, angry that it was said while I was in a situation where confrontation was a bad idea, and hurt that anyone would think, or imply, that being single makes me inferior.

    Your words helped a lot, ladies - many thanks!!

  5. I think you're actually wiser when you're not in a relationship. Objectivity is a huge part of assessing situations and your experiences are varied and your sense of them is balanced. It's not like you're a gun-toting man hater, for fuck's sake. That woman was not in the right to say that. At all.

  6. Love this...good job on pointing out what you ARE. Too often (at least for me) I get caught up in what I AM NOT instead of what I AM. Thanks for the reminder ;) Also, I agree with @KicknKnit a lot...common sense goes a LONG way and it's amazing how many people seem to lack it.

  7. You're awesome. Some people are stupid sometimes. That goes without saying. There's my two cents! LOL! Ohhh I might not be qualified to say that...LOL! Sorry Sue, but to the person who offended you, for shame, for shame!