Cinderella Bradshaw

A guy once made fun of me because I was watching Sex and The City - The Movie on a Friday night. We'd met the week before and were chatting online, when he asked if he could call because "he was tired of looking at a computer screen." When he called, he asked what I was doing, and I told him. He said he couldn't believe I'd watch such mindless fluff.

I told him I didn't really believe there was any such thing as "mindless fluff." What's meaningless to you might resonate strongly with me. For example, the first time I saw that movie, I was in the throws of my divorce. I was at my weakest point ever, and some close family and friends took me out - and made me smile. For me, the movie represents the kind of strength that women only get from other women.

He apologized; said though he didn't like the movie, the fact that it had a deeper meaning for me was really "cool." If he was trying to date me, he failed. The only thing I like less than a judgmental jerk is one who can't even own what a jerk he actually is.

I meant what I said to him about the movie. Of course, it's also true that I love shoes and clothes and honestly, when Carrie gives Louise her LV, it's one of the most emotional scenes in movie history for me - ever. I watch the movie all the time - so you can imagine my surprise the other day when I picked up on a theme I'd never noticed before.

Spoiler Alert: Hopefully, if you haven't seen this movie, it's because you don't care to. That being the case, this won't matter. But on the off-chance that you really want to see the movie and just haven't, I'm about to give away the ending.

Remember when Louise calls Carrie to remind her that the closing on "heaven on Fifth" is that evening? Carrie says she doesn't need to go and Louise reminds her of the "never worn, $500 shoes." Love and money come and go - but Manolos are forever! Carrie races over to the apartment where she finds Big in the walk-in. They basically start their happily-ever-after right there on the plush carpet.

"It wasn't logic - it was love..." she says. No, it wasn't either. It. Was. Shoes. Carrie's deep, emotional (almost spiritual, really) relationship with her shoes is was brought her to that apartment - the main reason she and Big found each other, and their love, all over again. Cinderella, anyone? 

It's not a glass slipper - but it is fit for a Princess.

To further the fairy tale theme, when Big finally proposes the right way, what does he do to "seal the deal?" He ever-so-gently places one of the magnificent shoes on her foot - just like the prince did with the glass slipper.

We know I'm not huge into fairy tales. I think the idea that a woman has to wait for a guy to decide she's worthy; come find, and usually rescue, her; and turn her into a Princess, well....it sucks. But that's not Carrie's story at all.

She was always worthy; and she knew it. When she needed help, she turned to her friends - never Big, or any other guy. After he botched wedding number one, Carrie's friends were the ones who rushed to her side and helped her pick up the pieces. They brought her back to life.

When she found Big, it wasn't because she was pining away, searching for him. It was because she wanted her shoes. She was already a princess - she made him a prince.

Now there's your fairy tale.

No Words Wednesday: Happy Birthday?

We ate Elmo....

Then we beat Cookie....

.....Just what kind of party was this, anyway?!? 

Weak link

Self esteem is an elusive concept in my life. I've never really had any. If I believed all that I've read, it would be easy to find someone or something to blame. But to me, that's a waste. Understand for the sake of improving - yes. Blame - no.

At one point, I thought I had it under control. A well-dressed, well-mannered woman has confidence, right? And if you have confidence, you must have self-esteem. So I did all that; hair, nails, clothes, accessories, job, brains, etc. I checked items off a list, and one by one, I figured I'd established some solid self-esteem.

Then, not that long ago, I discovered my weak link.

You can be as confident, beautiful, talented, rich or successful as you want. At the end of the day, if you're doing any of it for others, you're not building your self esteem. It makes sense if you think about it - when you do something for someone else, there's no "self" included. That's the missing piece.

As soon as that set in, the whole concept really started to fall into place for me. I realized my whole life was affected by what others thought - not just my own self opinion. I was making every decision based on what I thought others would prefer; how to dress, where to shop, how to spend my time, what to do with my life - all of it was about pleasing someone else, making someone else happy or making someone else's life more comfortable or easier.

It took a huge leap of faith, and several small panic attacks - but I have started to overcome that feeling. I still stumble now and then - I remember something nasty that someone said, or I let someone else's opinion about me become more important than my own. I let my family make me feel guilty, or a friend make me doubt how good a friend I really am.

But my stumbles are fewer and further between. My recoveries are faster and stronger than ever.

Just tonight, I got a notification that I'd been tagged in a picture on facebook. My initial reaction was panic - I needed to jump online and delete the tag before anyone saw the picture. I managed to calm that feeling, and give myself a chance to take a look. I reminded myself to look past the face and see the person who I know I'm becoming.

For the first time, in a very long time - I didn't cringe when I looked at myself.